Grief From My Oh

[LadyCG]

Honest opinions would be appreciated here.

I have had a holiday booked for over a year, going to Kos in September this year with OH and son. We were supposed to go in May but he made me delay it (before the Covid outbreak) until September. It cost £150 to change the dates, on top of the £2,900 for the holiday.

As the time has drawn nearer he has insisted that we postpone until next September as he doesn't want to travel if he has to wear face masks, etc. I on the other hand am comfortable to travel and I don't want to lose my holiday. I suggested I take my mother instead and yesterday I switched it to her name instead of his (and took the little one off the booking too) at a cost of £275. My mother was overjoyed - it's the first time she has felt any sense of happiness since she lost her twin sister in early June. My mother has given me some money towards the holiday. She and I lost our holiday to Famagusta in April following the Covid outbreak.

My husband has given me nothing but grief since and has bombarded me with text messages all day, threatening to give my mother a piece of his mind and threatening me with divorce.

My husband is constantly telling me that any spare money I have should go on things for the house, etc. However, I've found out he's got accounts with thousands of pounds in and he refuses to discuss his finances (I found his building society books in a box in the spare room). Essentially what's mine is "joint" and what's his is his own.

He "actively encouraged" me into working 7 days a week as soon as I returned from maternity leave. He then expected me to put all my overtime into the joint account every week for him to decide how best to spend it. I pay for all the holidays and any extra expenses such as car insurance and new tyres, nights away, etc.

We are going to St Ives in September and have another 2-week holiday booked to Kos for next May (and yes, I'm paying). I even said I would book a holiday in Feb to the Canaries for our son's birthday, so he didn't feel he was losing out. He soon changed his mind on that one when I suggested he pay something towards it for a change!

The bile he has spewed out about my mother has been terribly upsetting. She is grieving so badly right now. In any case I have refused to take the holiday back off my mother as it would be a cruel thing to do. He says in that case we will have to split up and I just shrugged and said "okay".

My question is - am I being unreasonable or is he?

[tamborine]

Let him know you have a bolt hole with me if he doesnt pull himself together!

[jennyjoan]

whilst loads of good advice has been given here - just try and "slow" down. He probably has got hyped-up unnecessarily and when he does - he may calm down - particularly when he realises what he could lose.

[jennyjoan]

you've a good friend in Tambo.

[cashier]

He is being unreasonable, and probably won't get any better, he might apologise and say 'it won't happen again, but it will. If you don't think about leaving him for your sake think about doing it for your son's.

[Pooka1950]

^^ she certainly does jennyjoan!

[tiggerblue10]

He does like like a control freak. Are you going to ask him about his extra money at some stage? I would open up a separate account and move your money out of the joint account.

Just go on holiday with your mum and try and enjoy yourself. You'll need to speak with your MIL about childcare so ignore what he might think or say.

[LadyCG]

Thanks, Tambo, I really appreciate your kindness.

Thanks to all for the advice / opinions. He does everything he can to make out that everything is my fault.

[Mexican18]

I must say that I find the idea of ' my money' and 'his money' strange. My wife and I only have'our' money.

[dannyk13]

LCG // He does everything he can to make out that everything is my fault.//
That is typical of a control freak.They always think that they know better than anyone else what is right.

[bednobs]

ps jj my running away fund is "thousands" (well £200.14p, but that counts as thousands, right?)

[tamborine]

3b flat (Frazers) as he's in care home. You can bring mum too. 20mins from LHR for all the hols you want.

[LadyCG]

What really sickens me more than anything is that my mother has given us thousands of pounds over the last few years and gave us a nice sum on our wedding day. In addition to that she has given us loads of free childcare. He was happy to take everything she offered but begrudges me taking her away as I have paid some money towards her holiday.

And yet we frequently take his mum and dad out for meals, concerts, etc to thank them for everything they do for us - mainly childcare.

It just seems so one-sided all the time.

[woofgang]

one question.....why have you stayed?

[elliemay1]

??I would open up a separate account and move your money out of the joint account.//
You can't move money out of a joint account without both signatures

[bednobs]

of course you can!

[bednobs]

I could do it in seconds on internet banking if I wanted

[naomi24]

//You can't move money out of a joint account without both signatures //

That depends upon the account. We have joint accounts. Either signature will do.

[naomi24]

And of course with internet banking it's a simple process - as bednobs says.

[bednobs]

has no-one heard of internet banking - no signatures required

[elliemay1]

^ ok, sorry, I was wrong