Grief From My Oh

Avatar Image
LadyCG | 13:45 Mon 20th Jul 2020 | Family
111 Answers
Honest opinions would be appreciated here.

I have had a holiday booked for over a year, going to Kos in September this year with OH and son. We were supposed to go in May but he made me delay it (before the Covid outbreak) until September. It cost £150 to change the dates, on top of the £2,900 for the holiday.

As the time has drawn nearer he has insisted that we postpone until next September as he doesn't want to travel if he has to wear face masks, etc. I on the other hand am comfortable to travel and I don't want to lose my holiday. I suggested I take my mother instead and yesterday I switched it to her name instead of his (and took the little one off the booking too) at a cost of £275. My mother was overjoyed - it's the first time she has felt any sense of happiness since she lost her twin sister in early June. My mother has given me some money towards the holiday. She and I lost our holiday to Famagusta in April following the Covid outbreak.

My husband has given me nothing but grief since and has bombarded me with text messages all day, threatening to give my mother a piece of his mind and threatening me with divorce.

My husband is constantly telling me that any spare money I have should go on things for the house, etc. However, I've found out he's got accounts with thousands of pounds in and he refuses to discuss his finances (I found his building society books in a box in the spare room). Essentially what's mine is "joint" and what's his is his own.

He "actively encouraged" me into working 7 days a week as soon as I returned from maternity leave. He then expected me to put all my overtime into the joint account every week for him to decide how best to spend it. I pay for all the holidays and any extra expenses such as car insurance and new tyres, nights away, etc.

We are going to St Ives in September and have another 2-week holiday booked to Kos for next May (and yes, I'm paying). I even said I would book a holiday in Feb to the Canaries for our son's birthday, so he didn't feel he was losing out. He soon changed his mind on that one when I suggested he pay something towards it for a change!

The bile he has spewed out about my mother has been terribly upsetting. She is grieving so badly right now. In any case I have refused to take the holiday back off my mother as it would be a cruel thing to do. He says in that case we will have to split up and I just shrugged and said "okay".

My question is - am I being unreasonable or is he?


1 to 20 of 111rss feed

1 2 3 4 Next Last

Best Answer

No best answer has yet been selected by LadyCG. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.

For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
OMG - sorry to hear that LCG - really upsetting for you
He is, definitely. Keeping money hidden from you and refusing to contribute to holidays is wrong.

Are you equally well-paid?

He is. Enjoy your holiday and the new life that beckons.
Honestly LadyGC, you're husband sounds like a complete douche. He sounds completely unreasonable, spiteful and manipulative. I'd suggest you enjoy your holiday, and go full Shirley Valentine while your there.

If your husband doesn't like you going away, maybe he can fund a break of his own when ou return, with the money he's been keeping secret from you.
on the face of it, him. Did he answer when you suggested switching it to your mum? Wasn't he around when you changed the booking?
he's probably just having a hissy fit and will calm down - I do it all the time to my husband!
Lcg, this just seem like its you posting here?
Is there anyone you can chat to offline?

It's him, deffo
Question Author
Clo-Jo, we earn the same salary but I get £20k in overtime / private work on top.
Sorry, I missed out the 'not' in my post
Question Author
I offered to pay for him to go and do the Dunhill Challenge with his best mate. I've said he can go away any time with his friends.

Bednobs, trying to get a straight answer out of him is pointless. I asked him several times and eventually changed the holiday over the phone as he was stood beside me.
He is, he sounds like a control freak who doesn't regard marriage as an equal partnership.
I just would be very upset in finding out that he has all that "secret" money, why does he want to do that. I too would be taking my mother on that holiday too - let him do what he wants. He probably thinks you will back down.
Grab Miles & run to mums pronto. Let OH stew!
Time to salt away your own nest egg and personal possessions (storage unit?) and work on an escape plan...IMO! Oh and his not so secret accounts could disappear too. Honestly he sounds like a control freak and no one needs one of those in their life...again IMO.
Sounds like he's got a jealousy issue with your mum. I can't advise but am sorry and somewhat shocked you've posted this out of the blue, I thought you'd found a decent one (man that is).
Question Author
Tambo - my leg is broken. I can't carry Miles or even drive.
I think that Covid restrictions are causing stress to everyone at the moment. I believe you are involved in house renovations, stressful, are semi mobile, stressful, have a little one to take care of, stressful. Concerned about your mum and you both grieving re her sister. Is OH working or concerned about income? How did he respond to your finding out about his finances? Maybe a truthful discussion with him regarding partnership, openness, no secrets and financial arrangements and obligations. Be as unaccusitive as possible but be truthful. Do you still love him and want to continue with openness between you. Does he like your mother or does he resent your relationship with him. Mask wearing in public accepted here as the new norm and is easily adjusted to. I would however be aware of the day to day situation of where you are going for a week or two before you go. Good luck
Perhaps he's so keen to produce the palace your home will be that he really resents you spending money on holidays. His 'split up' reaction is worrying though. Let him stew a bit and try to talk about it all in a reasonable manner
Not sure if I am reading this right but what will happen to your son while you and your mother are away? Is your husband expected to look after him? Could this be why he is kicking off?
Copy his bank statements & any other a/cs in case he freezes the joint. All evidence needed IF he follows thru his threat.

1 to 20 of 111rss feed

1 2 3 4 Next Last

Do you know the answer?

Grief From My Oh

Answer Question >>