Xmas Lunch - Awkward

[chrissa1]

My daughter is coming up to our part of the world and bringing her husband and the twins to meet their uncle and cousins for the first time, for Xmas.

My son’s new partner who is a lovely person but quite clingy has taken it upon herself to include her mother into the Xmas Day lunch. I have never met her and of course neither has my daughter and family.

The thing is, is that my daughter’s mother in law is shelling out for the whole week and paying for the rent of the large house and I have said to my son that really she shouldn’t be having to pay for a stranger, too.

Also my daughter wants the twin’s first Xmas to be with Just, family and not have a complete stranger at the dinner table.

I have said that I will text a message to the girlfriend and explain everything.

How would you word it? TIA.

[sherrardk]

I’ve just re-read this - if it’s just the lunch it can’t harm and it keeps everyone happy. I first read it as she was coming to stay for the week. It’s traditional to spend Christmas Day with people you normally avoid like the plague or hardly know, just go with the flow.

[Cloverjo]

Oh, it’s just the lunch. Let her come.

[AuntPollyGrey]

Ah the spirit of Christmas good will to all men (except those that are 'strangers'. For goodness sake its not like someone's been invited off the street! Its your son's partner! One meal, one day, be nice -or it could potentially ruin your relationship with your son. And tell your daughter to grow up -seriously...has she issues with her brother?

[bednobs]

"My son is coming to the lunch. He wouldn’t miss seeing his new nieces."
or maybe he would if you make him choose like this.
I agree with inviting her

[Prudie]

I've read it that your son's girlfriend has invited her mother without asking first which is incredibly rude IMO - but best to suck it up. Christmas is a terrible time to have family rows that can cause lasting damage so I'd try to bury my irritation and let it go for the sake of the peace.

[woofgang]

I wouldn't word it at all. I would stay strictly neutral. You aren't renting the house. You aren't your daughter. I think the remark to your son was....well lets say ill judged.... If your daughter has a problem then she needs to deal with it like grown ups are supposed to.

[Barmaid]

I think uninviting her will cause more problems then having her there. Suck it up - she could be a future relative by marriage and old slights never seem to go away.

[albaqwerty]

When our first child was born, I wanted our first Xmas to be just the 3 of us. I was adamant that we were having Xmas in our house as a family.
Well, that didn't happen which I'm very glad about.

As no-one knows what the future holds, just let the clingy g/f and her mum come and keep schtummm.

What does your daughter's mil say/feel?

[andres]

Dear ?, We would be delighted to have you and your mother spend Xmas Day lunch with us. Looking forward to seeing you --------

[Mamyalynne]

It would have been best if your Son's girlfriend had asked first, however at this point I am another who says - make another place at the table and enjoy.x

[chrissa1]

My point exactly, mamya.

They haven’t told her yet, alba. My thoughts are, how dare she invite her mother before clearing it with our family. Sorry.

[sherrardk]

Maybe the girlfriend got backed into a corner by her mum or genuinely didn’t think anyone would mind? Surely it would be just as rude to uninvite her (I get that you’re cross but it’s only for lunch - get the girlfriend and mum to wash up).

[ladybirder]

Chrissa I think you would be unwise to dismiss the majority advice you have received here. Yes she shouldn't have done it but the repercussions could last for years and it's just not worth it. Be magnanimous and put a big smile on your face and welcome her. Oh and tell your daughter to do the same. xx

[naomi24]

If you tell her she isn't invited you'll be opening a can of worms that could have unpleasant repercussions for years. For the sake of family harmony bite the bullet and welcome her.

[albaqwerty]

I agree with Sher but would go one step further.
Maybe the GF just didn't think full stop.

Can understand you feeling miffed but at the xmas lunch you could always say that you're all looking forward to xmas at her place next year. (I'm bad, sorry)

[weecalf]

Look if you like I will go along and sort it out okay

[jakep]

I think you stand to lose a lot more than you think you will gain from interfering in this situation.
Family politics can cause resentments that fester for years.
Of course you feel miffed but I feel that you, and your daughter, should accept this woman who may become part of the family.
Surely the twins will break any ice.

[david small]

This stranger comes in to your life and becomes a lovely lifelong friend. How nice is that?

[ummmm]

Jake - the twins are too young and will have no memory of it.

[gness]

Chrissa....you say how dare she without clearing it with our family. Your son has been with his partner for over a year I think. When will she become part of........ our family?

I do wonder why she didn't ask first. What would the answer have been had she done so?
Perhaps she is, in her own way and maybe a bit clumsily, trying to unite both sides of the family....hers and your sons.......Christmas is a lovely time to do that...... :-)