Do You Ever Think You've Failed As A Parent?

[nailit]

??

[jim360]

Yes.

I'm sure my Mum and Dad have had similar thoughts, from time to time. I do my best to let them know that they haven't.

I have seen some of the stuff you've posted recently, nailit, and I'm really sorry that you are going through such crap right now. I know that thoughts and best wishes can't do much to help but, for what little it's worth, I do care.

[Old_Geezer]

No.

[Mamyalynne]

I had a few doubts ( well we did ) during the rebellious teenage years - but looking back I think we did well overall.

[nailit]

//I know that thoughts and best wishes can't do much to help//
Have to tell you that you are wrong there jim, the thoughts and wishes from folk on here have got me through many a bad time...

[NoMercy]

Not even 7 weeks in and yes, every single day.

Sometimes you can be your own severest critic and constantly go back and ask of yourself, "How could I have done that better?"

Parenting is not an exact science or a one-size-fits-all. Different children will respond to different approaches depending on their personality.

I'm personally of the belief that a parent should be a parent and not a friend!

[Sqad]

Depends how you define failed and succeeded in the context of your question.
I never give it a thought as i did what i thought was the best for my kids with the available resources.......and i don't mean just financial resources.
They have their own families and I am pretty sure they do not analyse me or Mrs sqad as successful or failures as parents and even if they did, their adverse conclusions wouldn't bother me.

No nailit.......... never give it a second thought.

[Mamyalynne]

I've seen some friends and family members go through hell and it's painful even to watch, so you have my best wishes too.

[jim360]

Oh, well in that case I'm glad to hear it Nailit :)

[maggiebee]

Often pondered this question. When my kids were both in their 40s we were chatting over lunch and I asked what kind of childhood they had had. Both said "It was brilliant". Never given it another thought since.

[Sqad]

maggie.......a loaded question there.........they are not likely to answer.."bloody awful" are they?

Unless you were seeking reassurance ;-)

[pastafreak]

Yes...when my daughter was 16-17. She got in with the wrong crowd and many times I thought she was lost to us. She could have ended up a client where I work. But she woke up and realised her "friends" weren't.
She gradually sorted herself out...hopefully knowing she had our support no matter what.

[Prudie]

In dark moments I think of things I did wrong yes, but then my mum was much worse than me at times but I still thought the world of her.

[nailit]

I posted last week about my son and his GF self harming and spending the night up A&E with both of them. Spent time up the fracture clinic with my son yesterday because he had broke his finger in the incident.
Tonight, his GF has come over and they are both sitting listening to music in the kitchen and getting p1 ssed on cheap cider.
What the hell can I say to them when hes had a role model like me who has tried to commit suicide and has had a drink problem?
His attitude is getting a little bit lairy now, dont know how to handle it without getting a ''well you can talk'' kind of attitude thrown back at me.
For Gods sakes, ive only ever wanted the best for him, just hoped against hope that he would have learnt from me, not copied me.

[pixie374]

No....strangely, because I usually feel guilty easily. I think anyone who genuinely does their best won't "fail". We get things wrong, we are all different, they are all different.
Are you a parent, Jim? I didn't know that x

[nailit]

NoM
//I'm personally of the belief that a parent should be a parent and not a friend//
I think that you are dead right there.

[-Talbot-]

Nope, never.

[Sqad]

"What the hell can I say to them when hes had a role model like me who has tried to commit suicide and has had a drink problem?"

Not a lot, but there again you cannot expect him to become a barrister or a neurosurgeon can you?

Son of mine or not.....I would kick them both out.

[jim360]

At the risk of hijacking the thread... I'm not, but I could have become one for the first time last year. In the end, we decided on getting an abortion.

[NoMercy]

Nailit, my biological father gave me my first beating when I was 10 months old. For many years my mother led me to believe she was out of the house when this attack took place but only recently my aunt revealed that she was sat in the next room smoking at time and never attempted to intervene or protect me.

She left him before I turned 3 and a judge had the good sense to forbid him from having any access to me. I was made a Ward of Court.

My own mother began regularly beating me from the between the ages of 7 and 9, which was the only period of my childhood when we lived alone. She threatened that if I told anyone there would be consequences and frequently kept me off school after a beating. Everyday she screamed at me and called me an "imbecile", a "stupid fool", an "idiot" and "an embarrassment."

When I was 12 she married me step-father who was jealous and insecure and spoke to me only with his fists. She regularly looked on whilst he walked across the room and violently assaulted me.

You may not be the best parent in the world (and I won't ever convince myself that I am) but you're certainly not the worst by any stretch.

[Togo]

Cmon Nails how can we not fail? We all want better for our kids. But try as we may they have to do it for themselves ultimately.

“They *** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were *** up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.”
― Philip Larkin