Huge Guests

[atalanta]

I invited my niece and her boyfriend to Sunday lunch. I hadn't met him, and hadn't seen her for years, so I was horribly dismayed to see how huge they both were. Both morbidly obese. In fact, they broke the feet and castors on the settee when they sat on it. The dining chairs creaked ominously, too. They both said how much they'd love to come again, and meet the rest of the family, but honestly I don't think my furniture will stand it, even if I get the settee mended. Any ideas where to go from here ?

[Samuraisan]

Just telling someone they should lose weight will do absolutely nothing other than make them feel very uncomfortable and you will lose the relationship. Of course they are aware of it, but the decision to diet and exercise has to come from within oneself as it is a life changing commitment. I have yet to know anyone change their lifestyle because some one, especially someone they hadn't seen for years, mentioned it to them. As said above, meet in a restaurant next time and accept them as they are. Or not.

[atalanta]

A few more points you might like to consider : my niece's father ( my brother) himself died of gross obesity before he could collect his pension, so she can't not know the risks. They want to meet the rest of the family, so that lot would number ( minimum) nine adults and a few children. The couple are chronically boracic, ( zero hours work ) so they'd automatically assume that my suggestion of a restaurant would include my paying. The cheapest pub Sunday lunch for that lot would set me back £100 absolute minimum. If we went to the sort of restaurant they know I patronise, it'd set me back a monkey. By the way, I already gave them a monkey when they got evicted from their tied cottage and had to find a mobile home.
And, I nearly forgot - I'm told that when her boyfriend gets to know you, he turns up in a frock and expects you to call him Denise.
Honestly, I am not making this up. I don't think you could make it up.

[DarceyK123]

Could you go to their place?

[Islay]

It shouldn't matter what size a person is, treat them how you would wish to be treated!

[hc4361]

You obviously don't like them - be honest, tell them they are too fat for your company and your problem is solved.

[DTCwordfan]

so Denise is skirting around his obesity issue then. I would go to their place or a pub for just a drink next time, that is if you have some duty of care to your sister/brother over your niece's well-being. Samur is right about the call to lose weight has to come from within, Islay will probably endorse that - however, positive encouragement does help....and the difference to care about teeth and hair (earlier point) is that it's about one's overall health and longevity. It does need tact though, open encouragement and questions rather than criticism and direct opinion.

[ummmm]

Completely disagree. It's hurtful and judgemental.

[-Talbot-]

If you haven't seen her for years how does she know what restaurant you patronise?

You obviously don't want them at yours so just do what everyone else does and make excuses to put them off.

[MallyJ]

If you have a garden then outsude entertaining may well be an answer....but not with flimsy plastic furniture, more breezeblocks with planks on them..... Get the rest of the family involved and you will probably find some outside heaters you can borrow from them...a few fairy lights and a couple of outside umbrellas may help....all items you can borrow....

[Sqad]

Simple really......you like them or you don't.
If you like them as people, then fat shouldn't be an issue and you have to suffer the "complications" of having fat friends.
If you don't like them...fat or otherwise.....don't invite them any more.....plenty of excuses.

[Prudie]

You hadn't seen her for years so just don't raise the issue of a re-meet again.

[woofgang]

BA to Sqad.

[-Talbot-]

Why?

[woofgang]

PS...I don't want to consider any of your points because to me they sound like justification. Invite them...don't invite them....stay in touch don't stay in touch but don't try to justify your decision.

[woofgang]

Talbot because its the straight truth.

[-Talbot-]

So are several other earlier answers.

[kvalidir]

Crikey, they are your family! They enjoyed coming to see you, you should be thankful not moaning that they aren't the type of people you would wish them to be, because they accidentally damaged a sofa. Really the castor on a sofa is more important than human attachment? And who care's if her fiancee cross dresses, what does that even matter? Don't suggest they lose weight, or make any other personal remarks, that's simply rude and hurtful. They are adults, they will know and accept that they are obese. As Ummm says you clearly don't want them as guests so make a reasonable excuse, but it's tacky to put up a thread simply to moan about people's lifestyles you don't approve of, whilst implying yours is somehow better. You have no problem here except one of your own making by being over dramatic about a castor.

[Eleena]

To be honest, after breaking your furniture, who would actually say to you they'd love to come again? That says to me, I'd love your hospitality, tough #### your furniture needs repairing. I wouldn't want to make any special arrangements/ amends to MY house to receive visitors.

[atalanta]

I don't dislike them at all. We have been in touch by cards and letters
( remember letters ? ) and various social media, but they live about 100 miles away.

[Eleena]

Where do you draw the line?