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Jealousy towards girlfriend

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evedawn | 07:12 Sat 23rd Jul 2011 | Family & Relationships
31 Answers
My 21 yr old stepson (who loves with us) displays some really worrying traits towards his g'friend. For eg: he doesn't like her wearing makeup, doesn't like other men talking to her, often speaks directly for her etc. I hate this and it worriesme. He doesn't get this from his father (my hub) so where does it come from? I have spoken to him about it but at the same time I can't get too involved as I worry then he willsimply do it surrepticiously. far more dangerous! She is a lovely19yr old who has a "meek" personality. She adores him. Oh and his previous gf (ended two year ago when he was 19) parents were disaproving of relationship And told us he was "controlling" we dud not believe them at the time...but with hindsight! In every other way he is a lovely young
man .... A good son to us. I just worry about hisattitude to g/f :(


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eve I was in a marriage like this, they do not change in fact they are Jekyll and Hide characters, they present a nice persona to all around them but are really control freaks, I don't think they have to take after anyone to be like this and as long as this young girl allows him to control her, he will, he will also cry and beg forgiveness for his behavior again and again when she tries to reason with him, he won't change I am afraid, sorry this sounds blunt but I have been there
unfortunately there are still many men who see women as unequal and their property.

i had it happen to me when i was 15 and he was 19 - i didnt realise at first, but stuff like him shouting at me because a guy would look at me in the street...! the most ridiculous was his extreme anger and jealousy when a dog tried to hump my leg ...tried to claim i was enjoying it!!... but something eventually clicked...and i walked.

strangely it seems to happen a lot with younger men as well as the older generation (until they grow out of it)

they think its a mans world and women exist to serve their men and perform traditionally female roles...

unfortunately it often stems from watching their older family and friends with their spouses and also listening to the males spouting off with bravado about how they are the boss and 'their woman' does what shes told etc (always out of female earshot - and believing it)

not to mention a lot of the nonsensical 'ho' culture that is evident in rap songs etc...

it all adds to the naive general perception young men can have
Tell him that if he doesn't loosen up he might loose this current girlfriend as well and that overall it is not a healthy thing to do to another person.
*Time she ditched him and moved on, I imagine this type of man will let jealousy rule his life, this behavior can turn very unpleasant indeed!!!

I hate to say it but he sounds like a woman beater in the making!! *

I agree with the first bit ratter said... not sure about the last bit though, i guess time will tell with that

I would kick him into touch two ways about it
At 21, if he already has this attitude, and it attracts (some of) the opposire sex, then he may see no need to change. I'm unsure you can do much about it. Pity the girlfriend who seems to think it is ok.
The girlfriend is 'meek' He tells her what to wear and who to speak to.

Both have problems but I can't offer any pointers in where to go for it.

If they are both happy, with each other let them carry on but keep an eye open evedawn.
They can change....I know people that have. It might take someone hurting him to make him realise....but it can be done.

He's young....he's probably unsure of himself....They might come across as confident etc etc....doesn't mean they actually feel that way.

My 15 year old gets very way is he a wife beater in the making. It's love...they don't know how to deal with it. Time will teach him....
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If he didn't "love" (or indeed "live") with you you wouldn't know about this and perhaps it wouldn't bother you. At 21 he has to live his own life surely. He sounds, from your desc, a bit of a control freak but this is more a problem for his gf to sort out than for you. You cannot control him = that would be hypocritical wouldn't it?
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Mmmmmmm I think it is a very brave (or foolish) parent who "steps in" to a grown-up child's relationship. You could be just stepping out of his life for good.

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