nice one minute. Verbally abusive next

[primrosea]

I have been seeing this man on and off for a while. He can be really lovely. But if things do not go his way, he gets very verbally agressive. Dumps me, then sends me nasty verbally abusive texts. Pointing out all my insecurites. A few days later, he is charming again. I am starting to worry if its me who is in the wrong. As he says, its the way I behave? which makes him act this way. I dont think I act badly at all. Some of the things he says to me via text are vile. He is 46 and I am 48. I have taken him back so many times. Do I stay away from him now? before he ruins my self esteem completely?

[Sqad]

cazz/ zzxxee and others......sure....answer as best you can if you wish, but stop at calling the bloke a ....prick...screw loose , dangerous , mental health problems. no brainer.......so typical of ABers.

[cazzz1975]

that being said, we cannot force him to come online and give his side of the story, this is answerbank, not relate.

hopefully primrosea will look upon all the advice that has been given and coupled with talking to close friends, family and her other half, she can make a decision as to what she would like to do.

[cazzz1975]

I have not called him any names.

[brenda]

piggynose-----for me if a poster writes about an unhappy relationship , in which the other person behaves in a way that is spiteful, demeaning and nasty ,then there is no other side.,Abers can only respond on the information they have and comment as they feel .

[Sqad]

brenda...we all seem to agree with that..............but why go on and abuse him, with obscenities?

[ummmm]

Sqad....I understand that but like I said, his side of the story doesn't matter. Even if she provokes him (no excuse for pointing out someones insecurities) this relationship is not having a positive effect on her. If she doesn't mind being miserable for half the year then stick with him. It doesn't matter what someone is doing...if they are making you miserable then it's time to move on.

[ummmm]

I haven't called him any names either...

[Sqad]

cazz...no you haven´t and I carelessly "lumped" you in with the other abusers.

[zzxxee]

i never said he had mental health problems nor have called him names sqad just suggested he might benefit from talking to a counciller to help him see things from a third party .

[Sqad]

ummmm....no you haven´t either.

<<his side of the story doesn't matter. <<<

Quite.

[katekoala]

In short - its HIM not you. My hubby was similar and came up with the same excuses. it wasnt until I actually left and had no intention of going back did he decide that it was indeed him after all & went for counselling.

He is pointing out all your insecurities to make himself feel better - verbal/mental abuse is just another way to control you; as this way you will always be on your 'best' behaviour ensuring that you never do anything to upset him ..... is that what you want? treading on eggshells to pacify a spoilt child?!

If you can - get out unless he is willing to awknowledge that this is HIS problem

xx
good luck

[ummmm]

I meant in a way that regardless of his side this is how she is feeling. Hearing his side will not change how he makes her feel.

Even if she provokes him there is no excuse for dumping someone, sending abusive texts, pointing out someones insecurities, blaming it on the other person, saying vile things and sending sexual texts about an ex.

That is of course presuming that she doesn't do anything similar...

You called it a row Sqad....I've never had a row like that. And to be perfectly honest, I never will either.

[ummmm]

Kate said it well...


He is pointing out all your insecurities to make himself feel better - verbal/mental abuse is just another way to control you; as this way you will always be on your 'best' behaviour ensuring that you never do anything to upset him ..... is that what you want? treading on eggshells to pacify a spoilt child?!

[Sqad]

ummmm...

<<You called it a row Sqad....I've never had a row like that<<<

.you are lucky in having a reasonable partner............not everyone does

[ummmm]

I also wouldn't put up with it Sqad. People treat you how you allow them to.

[Sqad]

ummmm...quite, but we are not discussing you, we are discussing primrosea who has placed this post to get a reaction....a windeup........which she/he has achieved.

In my opinion.

[Hopkirk]

Either that sqad or she is genuine and all your ranting has made her feel worse.

[ummmm]

I know we're not talking about me...but if she was me she wouldn't put up with it :-)

Even if it is a wind up it might help other people going through this kind of crap to make their minds up.

[Sqad]

Hopkirk....could be........I fear that we will never know.

[RATTER15]

Any guy who treats a Woman this way needs to be got rid of promptly!! No matter what you have done, you don't deserve this kind of treatment by anybody.

I'm sure when he meets his next Woman he will be sending her sexual texts about the things that you two get up to, do you really want that. he is bad news, get out of it while you still can.