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A portrait of modern marriage, or just a damn shame?

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Bbbananas | 12:56 Tue 15th Jun 2010 | Relationships & Dating
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I'll keep this as brief as poss; bearing in mind the story takes place over 21 years:
2 people meet when with other spouses. He pursues her relentlessly, she initially refuses, but eventually they get together. After a lot of mess, & no 'innocent' party except for 4 kids, it is Happy Families & remarriages all round.
All is blissful as can be for 10 years, then Husband has mid-life crisis - meets a new 'best mate' who is an avid pub man & general rogue. Laughs all round for a while but after 3 yrs Husband has become a near-alcoholic never out of the pub, cavorts with other women (though not unfaithful), gets into debt, is made redundant & all culminates in physical violence. More than once.
Wife leaves Husband, goes to police & court. Husband devastated & promises to go back to 'man he once was'. Wife gets new boyfriend, Husband scares him off, wife gives Husband another chance. Amazingly, he does go back to his old loving self but wife cannot forget, although forgives. Ends marriage for good - hardest decision she's made in her life.

No divorce, separation amicable including the odd 'night' together. Wife has lovely caring part-time boyfriend, husband happy on his own. They meet this w'kend. Reminisce. Have emotional, tearful, honest heart-to-heart. It is obvious love still exists for both. Both confused - don't want to reconcile but miss being together. Don't want marriage - but resist divorce.
Wife now thinking - is this normal? Weird? Incomprehendable? Understandable? Justice of sorts?
Any thoughts?

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Perfectly normal Salla....
Question Author
God, I wish I was such a woman of few words ummmm......!!

So succinct, and so right. thanks ;-)
Sounds normal to me. I guess wife has to decide whether she can trust husband again. My mum did and she regretted it the second time round just as she did the first. Took him a few months but he reverted back to his old ways.
Yep I see this as a normal reaction Salla, can't live with him and can't live without him scenario
Bobbi x
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Oh, I'm not considering going back to him (again) greedy - there's no chance of that unless we're in our 80's, alone, and just become companions sat side by side on our commodes knocking back wine and laughing about the 'good old days'.

I just wondered if it's normal or absolute madness to still feel love for the old rogue and regret for what could have, and should have been - even though I am perfectly happy in my new life now.

you're right bobbi -so right. We cannot live together, but find it sooooo hard to live without each other.
I would say throw all caution to the wind, live recklessly, you may hav regrets and yet it may be great
Go for it !
My mum refuses to admit it but I am positive she still loved my dad right up until the day he died and he was a horrible man. I guess its only natural.
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No way am I going back to him bobbi - not for at least 30 years....! I have lived recklessly in the past, very recklessly - I want a life without all that now - but not without excitement.
I have a nice man in my life - I just cannot comprehend why on earth I would still want this old sod in my life as well?!!
simples
You still love him Salla x
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I can sort of understand greedy. My ex is not a 'horrible' man - never was, though he was capable of, and did, some horrible things.
I know I will love him until the day I die - even though our marriage is over and the likelihood is that I will end up living with someone else (and even marrying.... though it's doubtful).
He was, I feel, the Love of My Life - just a damn shame things had to go so t1ts-up.
I can see where your copming from. I think like Ummmm and Bobbi says its only natural to still have feelings for someone who was such a big part of your life. Its good that your still on friendly terms.
big mistake, I don't think you should remarry Salla, you still love old rogue-face...
I wouldn't have my ex back if she was the last woman left on earth.
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Yes I do still love him Bobbi - at least I love the man I married - not the man he became for a while.
How can a woman still love a man who at one time punched her, broke ribs, cut lips, held a shotgun to her head, near-strangled her, stabbed her foot with a fork.... blah di blah.

We women are stupid when it comes to love. It's all their fault (Men's.....)!!!
OMG, no wonder you won't take a leap of faith then kiddo x
I think he was just kidding Salla, otherwise you would've been hurt.
My mother is a prime example of stupidy when it comes to men. She has had some awful men in her life who have done some terrible things to her, much like yours salla and worse. I think people just get sucked in. I have been lucky so far. Thank goodness.
Honest

Wife regrets what could have been, remembers the good times and wants to go back to what they had but she is realistic and can see that it really won't work again but she so much wants it to so is torn

Husband realises what he has lost, no matter what he says he isn't happy on his own stares at the wall and bitterly regrets his stupidity.

Can it work no but it may depend on thier ages,
my first marriage was abusive Salla, yet he is the Father of my child who I would speak to very cordially, but then I don't hate, I can't!
unless if someone attacked any of my , now, family
i don't think y ou'll ever forget - the violence esp - and that will marr a future relationship - well for me it does hence the reason that i will never get back with mike no matter that he's the only bloke i have ever truely wanted to be with - the occasional shag is acceptable though

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