why why why

[leeandjoanne]

i have been with my husband for nearly 7 years married for 3 and half on sunday he told me he felt nothing for me he loves me but not in love with me he says hes been trying for the last 12 months and nothing has changed . i keep saying now i understand how he feels maybe we shud give it another go weve never had any big problems like this b4 and i dont want to throw away nearly 7 years i love him so much and am still in love with him i want to make it work . he keeps saying hes been trying for the last 12 months but now hes told me how he feels maybe things can work i just wish he told me 12 months ago and it wouldnt of got to this stage what does everyone think . Im so heartbroken and one minute im ok next min im in tears

[Bbbananas]

Some sort of relationship counselling does sound a good idea - and please don't think your only choice is to pay for it. Go to your GP - he/she should be able to put you in touch with a free relationship service, or even a couples' counselling service through your local community mental health team (don't let the word mental put you off...!)

He obviously does feel something for you - he's just not being very realistic if he still expects after 7 years to have that 'in love' feeling. That doesn't last in most relationships - it matures into something else.

Don't give up on the man - talk to each other, and go and see your GP.

[Sqad]

leandjoanne......you have ignored the following paragraph in my first post......ignoring it on purpose?


</>This is a normal response from a man after 7yrs of marriage....NORMAL.

[~Wingnut~]

Looking back over the past 12 months did he behave different? or seem like he was making more of an effort? Even though you didn't know how he felt did he seem different?

It could just be the 7 year thing or that someone else has taken his eye which has caused him to reassess his life. Whatever is the cause what does he say you both should do about it? He's being unfair in telling you this leaving you devastated and with nowhere to turn.

If you need another 12 months before you can sell the house has he not offered to move out (back with parents or mate prehaps?) or is he expecting you to move out? You need to sit him down and work all this out of what the next step is as being in limbo is'nt goign to do you any good whatsoever.

I wish you luck and I really hope you can sort things out but you can't force someone to love you and you deserve to be with someone who loves you back xx

[leeandjoanne]

we never have any time to ourselves we never sit on the sofa and cuddle like we used too hes on one sofa im on the other we used to jump in the car sumtimes on a friday after work just drive and stay sumwhere for the night obviously we dont make love as much as we used too i only see him on a friday evening and at weekends as we both work in the week he has a part time job too . we have booked our holiday for next year and were going travelling he said he still wants to do all that but now im a bit confused now hes told me hes unhappy and not in love with me we can work on these things again i dont want to chuck 7 yrs away i thought we were stronger then that i just wish he told me how he felt like 12 months ago cause we might not be in this situation today

[Sqad]

salla....ffs......what's a GP going to do about it?

It's not a medical problem.

[tamborine]

better 7wasted years than 20+.

You wont get the message till he spells out 'another woman'!

[Bbbananas]

I know it's not sqad - I wasn't suggesting it was. What I was suggesting is that joanne go to her GP and ask for relationship counselling on the NHS - she seems to be under the impression she can only get relationship counselling by paying for it.

Our GPs see couples going through marriage crises - and most GPs will provide their pts with contact numbers and addresses for these places, or refer to the couples counselling service usually provided by the CMHT.

[Sqad]

salla....LOL I love you.

[leeandjoanne]

we never have anytime were always working before we used to finish work on a fri sumtimes jump in the car and go off sumtimes not come back till sunday we used to sit on the sofa together and watch ttv hes on one now im on the other he loves his footie which i dont mind one little bit . im on a diet not because of this but have been anyway this has nothing to do with our relationship so we never shop together or eat and last week we booked a weekend away to cardiff for our anniversary in 3 weeks time and we paid our deposit for holiday next yr and other things we were selling and going travelling but he says he still wants to do that so now im really confused i love him with all my heart

[leeandjoanne]

sorry didnt mean to post that again thought it didnt send the first time round x

[Sqad]

leeand....seems like a normal marriage to me.

[leeandjoanne]

squad and tamborine why dont you **** off

[Sqad]

Right..........you won't take advice and typically will only accept the opinions that suit you, no wonder he is p1ssed off with you.

Good luck......I feel that you will need it.

[Bbbananas]

sqad - I love you too, but sometimes you are an @rse.

Joanne is hurting - be a little more sympathetic eh? She loves the guy and doesn't want to give up on their marriage just yet - and so she shouldn't.
I don't see why it is assumed there is another woman involved, I just think her husband expects to still have the 'in love' feelings and just because they've gone, he's questioning their marriage.

I agree with you that this is quite normal, but actually telling your spouse you aren't in love with them anymore, even though they do still love them, can be very hurtful.

[leeandjoanne]

he says that he will always love me because im his wife and i will always be in his heart

[tamborine]

c'mon sqad.....off to the sunset ;)

[leeandjoanne]

he also said im always going to be a big part of his life forever cause i am his wife i need to fight this im not giving up i cant i love him too much im not prepared to thro 7 years away i dont want to be with anyone else ive got my husband and thats all i need

[cazzz1975]

ignore sqad, he assumes all men cheat because he does, he probably had no interest after 7 years (much to mrs sqads good fortune) but not all men are like that.

maybe you need a break from each other to work out how you both feel. being away from the situation can often put things in perspective

[leeandjoanne]

yer we thought about that but we have no close friends that we can really turn too or who we would want to tell i cud stay with my mum but if she knows the whole world knows and we dont really talk about things like that to be honest not just one of us could afford to stay out sumwhere for one or 2 nights

[Sqad]

</>ignore sqad, he assumes all men cheat because he does, he probably had no interest after 7 years (much to mrs sqads good fortune) but not all men are like that.


cazz....LOL LOL you are a scream....LOL LOL