How Do I Tell My Boyfriend Im Pregnant

[Nay37]

My bf and I have been together 5 and a half years now and he has always said he doesnt want children. I fell pregnant 3 yrs ago bit had an abortion because he was in the middle of his accountancy exams n baby would've been due the day of one of the exams and he said he would've wanted to be at the birth. I have just found out Im pregnant again and am scared to tell him. I dont think I could go through another abortion as I am 38 and this could be my last chance to have another child. I have a 11yr old son from a previous marriage who never sees his father because he doesnt want to know. I dont want to end up alone again with 2 kids. It was hard enough the first time round. What do i do?

[ummmm]

It's not selfish to not want children.

[Peaspeculiars]

^^ I'm sure she will Ummm ;-)

Nay, just tell him exactly how you feel. If you can't tell him it's not really a good relationship to be in. If you go your separate ways then so be it, sometimes you have to put yourself and your children first. As you say, it might be the last chance you have to have another child and you obviously want it, so bite the bullet and see how he reacts. all the best

[B00]

I can understand her dilemma- however It's ok saying "have the baby on your own if you have to, etc etc etc", but will Nay be expecting her partner to pay maintenance for a child he doesn't want. That doesn't seem fair to me.

This may be an old fashioned view of mine, but I firmly believe a child should be born with parents who BOTH want him or her.

If one person is adamant they don't want children and one does, its time to re-evaluate and possibly move on.

[cazzz1975]

I agree with boo here, you also have to be prepared that as well as him having to become an unwilling parent, the child may have to deal with growing up in the dysfunctional atmosphere created.

[B00]

Yeah, as Cazzz stated, it must be awful for a child to grow up knowing one of it's parents didn't even want it born. Whether they're verbally told or not, they'll know eventually.

[KARL]

I tend to agree with the likes of ummmm, knowing that the boyfriend does not want children and additionally having had an abortion - why not ensure pregnancy does not occur ? But then that goes for him too - vasectomy is simple and, unlike "the pill" ("I have always taken it, honest, must have been a bad batch") utterly reliable. There is currently no equivalent male contraceptive to the (female) pill and both sexes find the condom "procedurally" annoying if not unacceptable and it is not entirely reliable. Unfortunately, the onus therefore usually falls (unfairly) on the female - it would be very interesting to observe the statistics on unwanted pregnancy if/once a male pill equivalent was easily available, i.e. how carefully would males ensure they were unfertile. Moreover, it is usually not until the female herself is decided on not falling pregnant that "accidents" cease to happen.

Is it possible that the answer for Nay's part is to be found in the words "...this could be my last chance to have another child" ?

[Peter Pedant]

.

well you have to tell him- as you cant conceal the pregnancy for ever

how can you tell him so that he says yes yes I've always wanted a child of my own !
I dont think you can

Nonetheless once you have shared the info - then you can make decisions.

[Old_Geezer]

Because folk do not want to endure unnecessary surgery, 4getmenot ?

[Old_Geezer]

I don't think it would be such a big deal to know one of your parents didn't have the sense to want you. Initially I think that if someone didn't want a child they ought not have unprotected sex. But I accept that if someone understands their partner is taking care of the contraception thing, it is also wrong to choose to "trap" them into parenthood either. Not that I'm suggesting that occurred in this case. Nothing is ever simple is it. This may be an old fashioned view of mine, but I firmly believe abortion should not be considered a late form of contraception; that there should be a good medical reason before considering it. in any event, the answer is, as it often is, you need to talk. Just make up your mind to do so as early as possible and get it started.

[lyall]

It seems to me that if your bf doesn’t want children then it is up to him not to get you pregnant. That said you are pregnant. You don’t want an abortion. There you go, you have your answer.

From what you have said I doubt the bf will think this pregnancy was an ‘accident’ don’t let him force or blackmail you in to anything you do not want, you are in charge of your own body not him. You say it was hard being a single parent last time, being a parent (single or otherwise) is hard, full stop, but you have coped with similar circumstances before, survived and moved on, you can do it again.

[andy-hughes]

4getmenot - "amazes me the amount of blokes that are so sure they dont want children yet why dnt they have the snip."

Because a lot of doctors will not perform a vasectomy on a single man, or a man who is not in a committed long-term relationship and either has children or can demonstrate that he and his partner do not want children.

[ummmm]

Lyall....In a long term relationship I think you should be able to safely assume that your partner is taking contraception if that is what has been agreed.

[weecalf]

Do whats right for you .He was at exams so you put you life on hold .Tell him to get real its your choice and if he does not support you then he is the loser the fact you are even considering his feeling shows that you are a caring person .

[Carakeel]

Please NEVER let anyone talk you into having an abortion! This is a very serious, life changing decision and it has to be YOUR decision. It is your body that could be in danger here and the life of a baby you seem to want! If you want a child and he doesn't, then I'm afraid you two need to reconsider if you should even be in a relationship. You could both end up resenting each other for the rest of your lives together and that could destroy you both! The most important advice anyone can give you is to be totally honest about your situation and your feelings with your partner and discuss this with him sooner rather than later. Make sure you are in a calm environment when you tell him, so that there are no distractions and you can speak freely! Listen to his side and make sure you stand up for yours and do not let him dismiss how you feel. Try to remain calm and don't get angry. You will sooner come to a good solution if you are not angry or mean to each other, but respect each other's feelings. Best wishes!

[4getmenot]

ah andy...i suppose in some ways that makes sense

[cassa333]

Good grief, you had an abortion because it might have clashed with one of his exams!!! I cannot believe you did that! You must have had the abortion because of some other reason surely!!?

Tell him you are pregnant again and see what happens. I assume he passed his exams and is now a qualified accountant? If so he should be able to provide for you and the new baby.

[pearlz42]

Tell him about this its not fair to go through all this its bad for you and the baby. He doesnt really have a choice now because abortion is not a nice thing but its your decison Good luck and whatever you do leave abortion to the last option. :)

[Cloverjo]

If you want to have this child, you should have it, but be prepared for no help from your BF. I find it alarming that someone would have an abortion just because of the date of her partner's exam. Babies don't come on their due date all that often, but even if it did, would that be a good reason to not have it?

I know it's tough bringing up children on your own, but please don't rely on this guy to give you happy family you crave.

[Nay37]

Update: Told him. He doesnt want the baby. He said he would support me financially but would be forever resenting me and baby. I told him if he made me get rid I would be forever resenting him and our relationship will be over. Told him this is my last chance to have a baby cos of my age. He thinks as I have already got a child who is struggling at school why would I want another one. I told him that I want a baby with him cos I love him. He is adamant that he doesnt want children. Had a scan Im about 6 weeks and scan didnt show much cos its too early. Got another scan next week to see if it is even viable.

[cazzz1975]

His reaction is unsurprising really, you may have to accept that you could end up raising this child alone, having a baby is stressful enough and that's when both parties want the child! I hope you have some other means of emotional and practical support to help you over the next few years x