what a mess....

[emma_smyth]

My now ex boyfriend cheated on me at the begining of the year,he claims i upset him so much because my behaviour towards him over a two wk period was off (i was grieving for the loss of a family member i was extremely close to) ... Not only did he have sex with some one else but he used my £ to pay for his hotel and my over night bag to transport his belongigs... i was distraught he could lie so much so easily to my face! despite his fling shopping him to me and us breaking up i have still kept in touch with him over the months seeing him fairly regularly.. this is because i love him, or so i think??
My family hate him and wont have him in their house because he has a previous record of stealing/being sacked from his job and general dishonesty.. so i have kept our meetings a secret... just because i cant deal with the pressure and grief of them..

Reading this back I dont know why i cant stop seeing him, it just upsets me so much.. Even now i think if he was so bothered about a future with me he wouldnt be still encouraging other female attention, however i have proof ect that he is.. He does however tell me he loves me and wants to be with me, even after what hes done i couldnt dream of being with someone else yet.. can someone who goes on this way really care about me? It would be easier for me if i understood he didnt because then i would move on but he keeps giving me little bits of hope every now and again he will change, advice please :(...

[annadomino]

Don't let him use you. He will never change.

[TheWinner]

The first time they cheat: this is what it means: They are a cheater.
The first time they lie: this is what it means: They are a Liar.
The first time they are deceitful: this is what it means: they are deceitful.
You make your own mind up.
Is this what you want?

[Canary42]

Stop kidding yourself.

[Razzle2011]

Men don't respond to words...they respond to no contact......walk away while you can....:-)

[Dolt]

Listen to Razzz. it may be hard but just walk away..........cheating is not something people in loving relationships do. You really need to make a clean break, it's gonna be hard but in the long run it's for the best.
If you do keep going back to him, your never going to trust him again, are you?

[roxie_09]

How would you feeling you got back with him? Would you be able to trust him? Not have thoughts at the back of your mind constantly, being paranoid whenever he talks to another girl etc. It's not the basis of a good relationship, sorry to say this but he's not going to
Change
And he's just trying to see what he can get away with. He will cheat again! X

[brenda]

You are wasting your time with this guy. He is not worthy of you..so end it and start over.

[woofgang]

Oh he has you on a string.... Pull up your big girl knickers and tell him where to stuff himself then leave. What was he doing with your money??????

[mickrog]

hes only after one thing......just remember he sees you as another notch on his bed post

[Sqad]

\\\\He does however tell me he loves me and wants to be with me, even after what hes done i couldnt dream of being with someone else yet.. can someone who goes on this way really care about me? \\\

This is not an unusual male behaviour and yes, I male can "care" about more than one woman, but the question is....can you live with this male characterisation.

If you can....fine (many women can) if you can't, then drop him, the choice being yours, but make sure that you don't throw the baby out with the bath water as many women tend, on impulse. to do.

[rsvp]

a good relationship is supposed to make you happy not sad - it's based on trust and mutual respect - you are given neither of these, you are very unhappy, - wake up and smell the roses - this is a toxic relationship so finish it now.

[ummmm]

He probably does love you. But if he can get away with it...he will.

It's down to you to decide if you can put up with it.

[woofgang]

Care about more than one woman.......maybe.........use one woman's money for sex with another.......oh yes that's really caring alright!!

[Bambiagain]

Someone who cares about you would be supportive when you are mourning the loss of a close family member - two weeks is no time at all to be deeply upset. Someone who cares about you would not use this as an excuse to be unfaithful. Someone who cares about you wouldn't then grind your nose in it by using your money. Sorry, your family is right. He doesn't feel enough for you to make you happy.

[happyone2]

Perhaps you cant let him go because you are feeling adrift after the loss of a close family member....when your world is rocked by such a huge and perhaps unexpected ( or even expected) momentus event.....it changes everything you ever held dear.

And the mind tries to hang on to anything that did/or does give comfort, and for you that rock was him and now you cant help but cling to it.........it was bad enough having to deal with one loss but to have to deal with 2 at the same time, might just be too much for you at this time. So you strive to maintain the situation as it was, even though for many reasons you know that it has irreaparably changed.

You have to be incredibly brave to accept that your love for him is based in a need for support and perhaps consider getting that support from else where........ even if that is from within yourself.... good luck

[craft1948]

Never mind the cheating, the stealing/being sacked, general dishonesty should be enough for you to get rid...........

[joko]

what garbage!! he cheated and now is trying to somehow pin it on you to excuse himself!

shows just how low he is that he couldnt just allow a period of 'off' behaviour under the curcumstances and would use that to blame you for his actions...

also it wasnt like a drunken mistake...he packed a bag qnd booked a room!!

i know its hard but he will hhurt you again and again, as he is a sociopath and if you want your future to be filled with this kind of pain they keep on with him...if not then avoid...itll be hard but so worth it...in 6 months you will be looking back and laughing at how daft you were to even look at him...

[puddle-duck]

One of the hardest parts of breaking up is having to deal with all the feelings that you still have for that person, maybe that is why you feel the need to still have him around you & maintain contact. You're clinging on through habit. I would advice a no contact rule. Cut him out of your life completely, it's the only way to get over him & move on.

His behaviour is alarming & as another person has said, he didn't get carried away in the heat of the moment he actually planned it by booking a room & to add insult to injury he used your money. Then if that wasn't bad enough he used your behaviour as a means of justifying his own unreasonable behaviour.

My ex did the same with me took every fault I had & used it as a means of justifying why he didn't get around to doing things or spending time with me. It's destructive behaviour & the sad thing is you can't reason with them, believe me I tried.

Sadly men like that will never change, they do what they want & when confronted with the consequences they blame anyone but themselves.

He'll never change, he needs to see the error of his ways before he's able to & as you've said yourself he's still encouraging female attention, so he's not learned anything. As for the little bits of hope, he's dangling the bait & when you bite it's all about feeding his ego.

[nannybooby]

Give him the old heave ho he is stopping you meeting someone who will really love you.

[BagPussAA]

You obviously have a family that love and care for you very much.., Listen to what they are telling you.. and listen to your own heart because from what you have written here it is also telling you the same thing...

When you are in mouring for your loss, your ex's only thought was for himself and for his needs and desires. Not once did you cross his mind..

You deserve to be treated better by someone that will love and cherish every moment with you and be there for you when you need them to be..

I know that it will be very hard because you still have feelings for him but you just need to keep telling yourself that you deserve better than him and that somewhere out there is someone just waiting to treat you like the special person that you are.. Just hold on to that thought and let you family keep you strong in the meantime..

Good luck....