confidence

[nanunanu]

is it possible to gain confidence in a short space of time? i find it hard to stand up to people, how can you change from being quiet to being loud???

[BigDogsWang]

You cannot change your nature overnight. Shyness and lack of confidence is either a trait, or the result of constant put downs from your elders. If the latter, then you can do something about it with counselling, but it will take time. If it�s the former, I�m afraid there�s not a great deal you can do to completely overcome it. I know, because I lack confidence and have for many years tried to address the issue. My job involves a lot of liaising with clients, but the thought of having to do this scares me silly! But I do not let it beat me. I never shy away from a challenge. I know that if I do, I will not get very far in life. That�s the answer I think, just keep telling yourself that appearing more confident than you are, is a step in the right direction. Don�t let it get you down too much, just remember there are millions of us �shyers� out there. We can�t all be the same! Those who have masses of confidence, probably lack other traits which you may have in abundance.

[natalie_1982]

Standing up to people and confidence are two different things I think.

 

I used to have incredibly low self esteem and was enormously shy, but always stood up for myself.  I still have pretty low confidence now, but am a lot better than I was.  I had to take a step back and look at myself (and though this sounds totally arrogant now) I realised that I'm not as bad a person as I thought.  I try to do the right thing, I try to be kind and help people and that's the best you can do so as long as you know in your heart that you're a good person don't let anyone knock you.  Stand up for what you belive is right, stand up for yourself and feel proud that you know you're doing the right thing.

 

I also learned that the people that lower your confidence are the ones that have none themselves, they need to make themselves feel bigger by making others feel smaller.

 

You don't have to change, wouldn't the world be really boring if everyone was quiet?  Or really annoying if everyone was loud?  Be proud of who you are and use your best points to your advantage.  For example, I always was paranoid that I thought my boobs were too huge so I made the most of my eyes to draw the attention away.  When people would make a comment about my ears (that stick out like a bat) instead of clamming up and feeling like crying, I'd say something like "Well I can always get my ears pinned, there will never be enough surgery in the world to cure you".  I admit, it's not a nice way to go about it but it worked for me....

[natalie_1982]

If you can accept who you are and remember that what other people think doesn't matter then you're well on your way.

 

BDW is right, it won't happen overnight.  Pretend that you are confident, pretend to yourself, and in time it will come naturally because you'll realise then that you can be confident and thus you are!

 

Anyway, that was a bit waffly and long, but good luck and sorry for the length of the reply!

[seal!]

Do a performing arts course. It will help, trust me. I'm doing one at the moment and, although i wasn't shy before, have gained soo much confidence. Go down to your local theatre and see if they do any theatre groups or something like that. it'll work wonders.

[luckystrike]

I regularly take a confidence building course on a Saturday night, co-hosted by Arthur Guinness and Jack Daniels!

[CiderMonkey]

i was sent on an assertiveness training course at work. I think this is more what you may be looking for if it is standing up to people that you want to be able to do. Being loud doesn't make you confident - i know people that are very loud, but i would not say they are all necessarily confident, often it's a cover up. I can be quite shy in formal situations and i found this course really helped. It made me see that it is ok to say no to people or to ask them directly for what you want or if you need them to do something. you can be firm, without being rude. as long as you are reasonable, people tend not to mind. you are allowed to disagree with people and you are allowed to refuse to do things. For example, if someone at work is telling you to do something and it's either against the rules or totally unreasonable, then you have the right to say no and not let them bully you into it. this is where my problem was, i was too soft. but taking the course made me feel more confident in the fact that i was equal to these people and saying 'no' doesn't make you wrong.

[TTFresh]

if you spend too long looking in your neighbours garden you'll soon forget how beautiful yours is.  

Trying to be something you're not is much harder and more unsuccessful than accepting who you are and your place in the world.  Work on your strengths and add a little at a time otherwise you'll begin to become confused.  People tend to see right through acts.

Pysical accomplishment can help build confidence as it gets you goal orientated and gives you a competitve edge.  Pick an activity, running, cycling or swimming and set attainable targets - this will give you a great boost of self-esteem when you reach the goals and increases your inner resolve and strength.

You'll most likely find that you won't become overtly confident but you'll stop being pushed around. 

A mate of mine has done this with weight training and it's having amazing results - he's happier with himself more than ever and that's down to coming to terms with the fact he is quiet and shy and not loud and overtly confident.  He looks better, feels better and is happy.

[Eiregirl]

The key to confidence is to realize that everyone, no matter how self-assured they appear, is essentially carrying the same load of insecurities and doubt that you are.  Trust me, I'm friends with a bunch of Type A executives and they each have a timid mouse in one pocket or another.  Life is short and what's there to be insecure about if you know that everyone is pretty much the same as you are at the core?  It's not about being loud, just fearless.

[Andy008]

The existentialist philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once wrote:

"There is, logically, no difference between pretending to have confidence, and actually having it"