Modern mum

[Sqad]

Mrs sqad's friend has just been on the phone saying that she had had the grandchildren over the weekend and they were a nightmare and that she would never have them again.

Naughty disobedient and rude.

Now 40 yrs ago, that problem would have been solved by a well aimed slap over the leg or bottom, but today this is abuse, so my question is......."How do you deal with 3 naughty and unruly children without smacking them.

Please, no replies about violence breads violence.

Simple answer to a simple question.....how would you deal with them?

[Sachs]

I agree peri,
if there's no discipline in the 'home' Why would there be anywhere else?

[Sqad]

I my day it was simple.....I did what I was told or got a smack.......it was up to me to decide which avenue I wanted to go down.

Same at school....do what you are told or have the cane.

Seems we have a better method now.......I am not sure what it is and even if it works.

[LoftyLottie]

Although Peri we had neighbours that over disciplined their children. They were terrified to do anything - so they went totally mad when away from home!! So I suppose there is another side to it!! :o)

[albaqwerty]

I don't think it is a better method, whatever it is, it ain't working :)

[sara3]

my kids don't have grandparents who look after them, it's a one (wo)man show here, but they're not rude to other adults. they were brought up properly and learned respect.

[pericat]

absolutely - there is always another side to it lofty - thats why there isnt an answer to sqads question because every case is different - I do agree that the follow through is the most important thing - if you say there will be punishment you carry it through

[ummmm]

It wasn't 'well done' at the time...believe me. Having social services turn up at the door and then interview my kids separately....that was a stress.

They agreed with me in the end though.

The thing is...I'm so soft with them. My eldest two wrote me a letter about how soft I was on my youngest. But he is autisic so i let loads of stuff go.

[tamborine]

Lines!

Sit child at table, alone-without distractions, with pencil & make them write 'I am sorry' hundreds of times. Tthe older the child, bigger words (to improve spelling) with more lines.

Then..............






put the boot in ;c)

[Sachs]

Suad,
it's so easy to be angry with the child. Let's be angry with the parents! I can honestly say, my children were respectful to others. Consistency is the key word. Good parenting is hard work, you can't be lazy & do one thing one day and something different the next, be consistent!!!!!

[pericat]

it is so tough to get the right balance ummmm :o)

[LoftyLottie]

I think I smacked my son a few, and I mean a few times - usually in temper which I am afraid happens. However, he now says he cannot remember me every smacking him so it must have made a tremendous impression on him. Perhaps it was sheer luck that he grew up to respect people and have good manners, but I like to think that we had something to do with it.

The trouble is every child is different and every parent is different and personalities are complex - what works for one won't work for another.

A light smack does no harm I suppose but too often it can lead to a 'good hiding' and I definitely don't believe in hard smacks (I had a few and all they did was make me resentful). I usually got one for 'answering back' which meant that my Mum (my Dad would never hit me) wasn't prepared to listen to me even when I was right. Very frustrating for a child, and they don't make you respect your parents.

[Sqad]

I know that you will find this hard to believe, but at school I was a disruptive influence on the class, a right little "gobby" know all .....but lovely with it. The price i paid was to get the cane regularly as discipline.

The same method was used to bring up my four sons, two of which are "right prats" and the other two have done well in life.

none of the four have turned out violent because of them being disciplined physically.

[pericat]

i agree with sachs - except who the hell is suad?

[Sachs]

You know, suad head! lol!
Gobby, you sqad??? ;0)

[LoftyLottie]

I can't remember Mr LL ever smacking - but one look from him......................

[sophie_1003]

With children of that age I woul invite them round for a chat, one at a time if necessary and then tell them how upset and hurt they made her feel. She was really looking forward to having them over the weekend but their behaviour made it a horrible time for her and she doesn't think that she will ever want to look after them again if they are going to be like that. Hopefully it will make them see the effect of their behaviour on others and teach them a bit of respect.

[Sqad]

sophie...that wasn't my question.

"Simple answer to a simple question.....how would you deal with them?
Sqad (Mon 14:33 26/Oct/09)"

That was the question.

[pericat]

there is absolutely nothing wrong with a good keel hauling

[sophie_1003]

Sorry, thought you meant what should the grandmother do now. Not sure how I'd deal with them, probably put them in three different rooms in the house with nothing to do for a good while and then ask for an apology. Repeat as necessary!

[Sqad]

peri.....:-)

sophie :-)