ChatterBank2 mins ago
My Girlfriend & her Kids - What should I do?
Only problem is she has 2 children (aged 4 & 7) both with different dads. I'm not really a children guy at the moment, being 29 and very career minded, and am starting to find that 75% of my income & time with my girlfriend is being taken up by these children. And neither of the 2 dads wants to know anything about their kids.
We've spoken about all of us living together, but I'm not sure im that comfortable with the idea of taking it all on
What should I do? � I love her so much, and she says she loves me too and wants the whole 9 yards for all of us, but I'm not happy with the situation and every time I bring it up she just says, that she understands my worries, but it will all work out in the future once were all living together.
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on the other hand, it is cliche to say but, when you are old and then dead, no one will talk about whether you were rich, or successful, or had a big house or drove a big car or wore posh clothes. But they will talk about whether or not you were important in the life of a child.
It is a big decision and not one that should be based purely on your feelings for the mum. They are a package and should always be considered so.
It's tough, and I hate to say it. But your gut instincts are usually right. Of course,I rarely listen to my instincts, but that's life.
Take things real slow, especially because there are kids involved. It's VERY detrimental on children to be tossed from one man to the next..on top of being abandoned by your own biological father. So this women needs to be incredibly careful, and from the sound of everything she hasn't done such a good job.
If you are having these doubts she needs to know about it. And it's OK that you feel this way. It's a huge responsibility, plus on top of all that, what if it doesn't work out with this woman,...then where are the children going to be,..are you going to still help her? Or when it's over with you and her, ..it's over with the children as well. Put the kids first and be honest to your needs.
Great answer, mimififi. I was a step child. My mum's husband (he was not my step-dad) despised me. I was only 11 and had never been rude to him, etc. He'd never experienced life with children. My teenage years were hell for me as I felt like I wasn't wanted.
mimififi, is right, I don't think it's right for you, if you're doubting it all already. x
I was going to start by saying that I once loved my best friends sister(still do) but it never even got to the starting blocks so I decided in the end to view it as a sister
However reading further into your question you seem particularly concerned about the aspect of children taking 75% of your income and time. This is largely what children bring along with copious quantities of love.
Those children have the stability of their mother and I'm sorry that neither of their fathers want to know but it is no reason to committ to a relationship unless you are 100% certain.
It would be unfair all round to give you specific advice but I would feel that there is obviously some firm foundations in that relationship from which if you take the time could be turned into a good relationship.
Take the opportunity over the upcoming holiday to think about your future, I wish you well for the future whatever you decide
Yeah, my heroine mimififi has resurfaced!!!! :-)
Seriously though, I have to agree with what has already been said, this sadly doesn't appear to be the relationship for you. This lady comes as a package with her children (and quite rightly too!) and if you can't accept one part of this package- it's not for you.
I would also like to say- not that it will help you mind!- but my husband and me got together when my daughter was 6 years old and he has always called her his daughter.
I hope you make the right decision for you.
He never knew me without children. In fact she was with me when he first met me. I was always a 'package'.
The point to the tale is: He never had to ask the question.
If you don't love her kids already, you might never. And that is just unfair, in fact bordering on cruel. Tread carefully Tom.
(Hi Boo, nice to see you too. I've been lurking, but just too busy to answer/ask. However the last week, I seem to have done little else....hehehehehe )
when i met my wife her son was 11, he was a right little b*stard.. he made my life a misery through making my now wife's life a misery!!
i put up with it because i loved his mom!!
he is now 19, we get on very well! i never tried to take the place of his father but it was me who took him to his first football match,me that tought him to drive, it is me he turn's to when he has a problem!!
i think your feelings for this girl should overtake the doubt in your mind about the kids!!