Update on I'm SO Bloody cross Thread

[kat2206]

I have now spoken to son and had another row with him. In his very blaze manner, he advised that if he does indeed get the sack, then why shouldn't I keep him, as I have done it up til now....

I told him that if he does get the sack because he would rather be in town that work, then he can stay in town and his girlfriend and friends can "keep" him and I also told him that if and when he does come home that his attitude can change, drastically!

[NoMercy]

Good for you...sound like he needs a kick up the rump.

[kat2206]

I have had enough, I'm done. I'm stressed beyond belief, I'm shaking so much. I have never had this off any of my boys and I just don't know what to do, he knows I won't kick him out if he has know where else to go..

[ummmm]

Well done.

[ummmm]

He'll have to rent a room then.

[DTCwordfan]

Now let things nurdle overnight and ideally get that friend, relative or godfather into play to drive home the message and set up the future plan; think of it that you have just lanced the boil, you need some assistance to get the pus out.....

Well done and we know it is distressing......excuse for a wee tipple.

[kat2206]

He has now texted me and I quote "I've got no where to go just think of your self as a free B&B". His exact words!

[NoMercy]

It's all very well telling him he has to change, but perhaps there should be a threat to back it up - one which you must be prepared to carry out.

"Change your attitude or change address."

[ummmm]

That's taking the pee.

[kat2206]

Oh. God, I'm actually sitting here sobbing...I never thought he could ever reduce me to tears.

[bednobs]

text back "just think of yourself as homeless"

[tonyav]

Bloody hell, I don't think I would be able to keep my hands off him.

[DTCwordfan]

I would text back "Not here it ain't, son, No more. Plenty in town, I hear,"

[ummmm]

I'd do what Bednobs says.

[DTCwordfan]

Where's your hub/partner as you said that you were working a farm?

[LoftyLottie]

Oh dear. What a nightmare for you Kat. Don't back down now. Pack those cases for him. Leave them on the doorstep. He deserves it. A night or two staying with friends or GF might pull him to his senses. Would his girlfriends family take him in for free - I doubt it!!

[kat2206]

My OH is out pressing the fields in the crawler and it's so loud he can barely,hear me but has said that I can go up to the field and go see him, which I think I just might do.

[DTCwordfan]

You pack the cases for him, even if it proves to be symbolic; get your OH to take them around later. You should not be there.

Contact the intermediary you plan to use - and I wouldn't even be there for that - he may well better take the seriousness of the message and a "contract" if not coming from his parents.

[DTCwordfan]

Start to think about what you want in your "contract" (or terms of residence) and write it down. If you need assistance in structuring something short and sharp, let me know - we can use an intermediate e-mail to touch base.

[nungate]

Your son is really extracting the michael - I heartily agree with what Bednobs and DT have suggested. Time for some tough love otherwise he will walk all over you! A few nights without all the home comforts can do much to focus the mind. Not saying this will be easy for you but try and be strong and don't give in to him - quite frankly if he were mine I'd administer a sharp kick up the a**e!

[Dee Sa]

kat you have my sympathy but he is doing what lots of 19yr olds do in this day and age, flash the cash, tattoos , impress the girlfriend etc its easy to say but the more he sees he can "rattle your cage" the worse its going to get, try ignoring him ?
My eldest son left home at least three times but always came back when he couldnt manage on his own.I can imagine what you are going through.What sort of background does the girlfriend come from? could this be where the problem lies ?obviously he wants to impress her but is going about it the wrong way. Sit down me'dear try and relax , have a drink and try to stop worrying , its you we are worried for not the lad.