Crosswords1 min ago
Finished with married man and desperately upset
53 Answers
A few months ago I posted that I had been seeing a married man for over two years and that I wanted to break free, but was finding it desperately hard to do so. Your comments were all similar in that it was heading nowhere but heartbreak.
Today I finally managed to end the relationship, after many, many false starts in which I would always take him back.
We hadn't actually met up for over a year. His wife was constantly ill and it meant she was at home all day and he couldn't risk my travelling the 150 miles to meet him for a few hours in case she was suspicious. She had found out about us early on, but they decided to stay together for the sake of the children and he pretended to her it was over with me.
She, meanwhile, led a full social life with weekends away, but didn't trust her husband to do the same and he was terrified he'd be found out again and kicked out of the house.
So anyway this non-meeting but daily calls and texts went on for a year, and finally this week he said he could drive to see me at the weekend. I've got things planned and told him so, and asked how he could possibly get away without suspicion if he wouldn't let me pop up during the week?
I realised then that, although I had longed to see him, the reality meant more lying to his wife and more deception, and I would still be left without him as he went back to her after his visit.
So I told him I can't do this anymore. I told him that his marriage is obviously still viable and that even though he classifies himself as separated, that isn't the case at all. He still pretends he is a faithful husband and panders to her every whim, and I simply can't do it anymore.
It's been a terrible ending, and not the one I envisaged at all. He wants nothing to do with me anymore after all my false endings in the past, and I just need some support in getting over this. He was such a massive part of my life and although I have a busy life he was a touchstone each day, a friend to chat to and we really did have a special bond.
Any help here would be hugely appreciated. I feel like I'm in mourning.
Today I finally managed to end the relationship, after many, many false starts in which I would always take him back.
We hadn't actually met up for over a year. His wife was constantly ill and it meant she was at home all day and he couldn't risk my travelling the 150 miles to meet him for a few hours in case she was suspicious. She had found out about us early on, but they decided to stay together for the sake of the children and he pretended to her it was over with me.
She, meanwhile, led a full social life with weekends away, but didn't trust her husband to do the same and he was terrified he'd be found out again and kicked out of the house.
So anyway this non-meeting but daily calls and texts went on for a year, and finally this week he said he could drive to see me at the weekend. I've got things planned and told him so, and asked how he could possibly get away without suspicion if he wouldn't let me pop up during the week?
I realised then that, although I had longed to see him, the reality meant more lying to his wife and more deception, and I would still be left without him as he went back to her after his visit.
So I told him I can't do this anymore. I told him that his marriage is obviously still viable and that even though he classifies himself as separated, that isn't the case at all. He still pretends he is a faithful husband and panders to her every whim, and I simply can't do it anymore.
It's been a terrible ending, and not the one I envisaged at all. He wants nothing to do with me anymore after all my false endings in the past, and I just need some support in getting over this. He was such a massive part of my life and although I have a busy life he was a touchstone each day, a friend to chat to and we really did have a special bond.
Any help here would be hugely appreciated. I feel like I'm in mourning.
Answers
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Ummm, I agree, it wasn't a real relationship anymore. It was when we first met - they were actually physically separating and both seeing divorce solicitors, and I was actually a real person in the saga. But then one or other of them got cold feet and gradually the doors closed. Mrs would ring me screaming and telling me all sorts of things, he would beg me not to believe her. I should've got out then of course. And Ellie yes a very dishonest man and I was dishonest too in going along with the deception.
I'm sorry to throw cold water on this thread, but I cannot see anywhere any thought or sympathy for this man's wife,surely both sallyann & the man she has been going with are outrageously guilty of adultery without giving a thought to the woman he promised to honor & protect.Sorry I have no sympathy for you sallyann16.
Ron.
Ron.
You shouldn't be mourning, but celebrating wresting yourself away from the influence of the cheating shyster.
What makes you believe he's being honest with you while lying to his sick wife?
His concerns weren't based on the consequences of his wife finding out (she already knows) but on you finding out about the other bit on the side he's got much nearer home.
Good luck in the future.
What makes you believe he's being honest with you while lying to his sick wife?
His concerns weren't based on the consequences of his wife finding out (she already knows) but on you finding out about the other bit on the side he's got much nearer home.
Good luck in the future.
Sqad - thank you for your kind words - I just start typing, and what comes into my mind goes into my post. I type very quickly, so I can more or less think my answer and get it down simultaniously. When I have finished what I am saying, I stop - it's that easy for me, and I know I am very lucky to be able to do that.
daisya - thank you for your kind words as well - and your perceptive reading, yes my response is based on experience.
daisya - thank you for your kind words as well - and your perceptive reading, yes my response is based on experience.
I would absolutely love to find out he's been lying to me, that he still sleeps with his wife. I was never able to verify such a fact, and harbouring that suspicion is worse than actually finding out the truth. How would I ever be able to find out? I have thoughts of getting someone to post on her Facebook page, pretend they know her, ask her some casual questions. Any volunteers??
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