getting over something

[nextqueen]

how do you get over something that you think you will just never get over? ie too many reminders, memories, loss of the good things etc

[Mamyalynne]

Sometimes you never get over things, just in some way or another learn to live with whatever has happened, whether it be a split or a death. The human condition is that mainly we manage to survive, but at the beginning of the journey it is impossible to believe you can come through it.

[nextqueen]

yes i think im just surviving right now, i can only compare what happened to me as a major trauma in my life and now when i look back i wish i had reacted differently then things would be different now; instead, ive tried to stick things out and go with it hoping it will get better but some days i seem to dwell on things and i go backwards, resenting the situation i now find myself in.

[Mamyalynne]

Well there is one thing for sure. we can never go back and react differently, you may be well advised to write it all down, then maybe once out you could burn it or bury it.

I have a haunting moment related to a trauma that happened and it pops in now and then and floors me, but I did no wrong, so have fully forgiven myself.

No one ever said life was easy, they were right.

Take care ♥

[andy-hughes]

The famous cliche is that "time is a great healer" but who ever wrote that forget to mention that it can be a very very long time.

As advised, some things you don`t actually get over, but you do assimilate them into the fabric of your life, so they are there, but they are increasingly less raw and hurtful on a daily basis.

The human condition is seriously resliliant, and every day puts a little more distance between you and events, and a little more padding on your wonded soul, so hang in there, it will get easier, but it`s not a constant healing process. Some events can hide in the background and come screaming out at you with amazing speed, prompted from your inconcious by a stimulous you don;t realise, so can`t avoid.

You will get through this - keep telling yourself that, because it is true.

[emmie]

nextqueen you never do, and you ever said times a great healer is wrong, but the good memories stay, and even when you look back, smile because the one thing that no one can take away is those.

[wrongtupelo]

As andy-hughes so brilliantly says you can get through this, I know because I have done it. Until the worst happens you cannot begin to know how the emotions will kick in and how you will learn to live with what has happened. Time does eventually dull the pain even if that seems impossible now. If we don't have bad times how can we properly appreciate the good times when they come .... and they will because nothing lasts forever.

[woofgang]

From Sleepless in Seattle
"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out."
Seriously and neurologically, the best thing you can do is what is called "overlaying" When you get the thoughts or are reminded by circumstances then go and DO something that needs concentration to redirect your thoughts elsewhere. You can also develop (I have done it) a mental redirect trigger to shout, in your head or aloud. The usual one is "STOP!!"