Hi I'm New Here

[bobtheturkey]

Would you rather fight a 7 foot earwig with a spatula or a cheese grater?

[tonyav]

Hiya newbie bob, I'd prefer to use a potato masher, but from your choice a cheese grater and if that didn't work bash it with an Orange bucket.

[Arksided]

Hiya Newbie... I'm inclined to agree with Tony . (Mr.Av)

so long as you have a bucket at hand...mind

[gness]

Dave is not far off 7 foot. He grated cheese today, Bob. The now missing bit of finger and the blood in the kitchen tells me to go for the cheese grater.

[Arksided]

So long as he's safe and in capable hands...

Gawd bless him

[tonyav]

Plenty of Elastoplast, Arky ;-)

[gness]

Oh he's fine, Arky......though I should have put down the carving knife before I rushed to comfort him.

Still, he's got another earlobe.

[tonyav]

Gawd Blimey. Just out of curiosity how far away is the nearest A&E from where you live, gness ?

[Toorak]

I feel faint

[Stableford]

Definitely the spatula. Followed by a corkscrew and possibly a rolling pin for finality. I don't fancy earwig particles in the cheese.

[Ken4155]

Bobtheturkey, it would all depend on whether the 7ft earwig was male or female. Maybe you weren't aware but male earwigs will not go within a hundred yards of a spatula and if they see one approaching, they hide under the nearest orange B&Q bucket.

[gness]

About 50 miles, Tony. It’s over the mountain tops though and on winding roads so we use air ambulance lots. Not for grater and ear lobe accidents though. I have lots of towels and bandages.
I won’t offer to catch you if you faint, Toorak. You’re probably safer hitting the ground.

[tonyav]

50 miles !, gawd blimey ( I'm a non believer and I pray for Dave ).

[seekeerz]

Ooo I do love it when bob drops in !!! Near insanity breaks out !! Great start to the day !!

[seekeerz]

On another insanity track ….what benefit comes from putting either Coca Cola or toothpaste in your fuel tank ?? The ads tell me it saves 55% on fuel consumption …I have me doubts !!

Morning folks xx

[tonyav]

Hiya Steff. bob's alright until Dec !

[gness]

Hi, Seek. We need more insanity on AB. :-)

[choux]

A 7 foot earwig at what age of development?
A 7 foot earwig egg would need a spatula the size and length of a university boat race oar.
A 7 foot adult earwig still has 6 legs, as per more normal size earwigs, so I would opt for several (well, 28 actually) flat cheese graters which I would lay out as 2 parallel lines of railway track. I would encourage the beast forward on to the track by dropping dahlia petals in its path. Sooner or later those 6 hooked legs would be ensnared into the sharp holes and I could claim the greater innovative solution.

[Mozz71]

Why does the earwig want to fight me? Have I upset him in someway? Can we settle things over a few pints instead?