On my new Council Tax application form there is a question asking if I have any dependants. Apparently putting 'millions of drug addicts, underage mothers on benefits, scroungers and the detritus of...
I was watching a rude film the other day. There was a woman giving hand jobs to a plumber, a carpenter, an electrician and a plasterer. It was called 'Jack Off All Trades.'
I'm appalled at public attitude to the new mosque near Ground Zero. To show our tolerance we should let them build a mosque. Then across the street we could have a topless bar called You Mecca Me Hot,...
A man unable to perform in bed goes to see a hypnotist. The man is hypnotised and told if he says '1 2 3' he will get the mother of all hard ons for as long as he wants. The hypnotist warns though...
I left the wife at home and went out on the town last night. I met a lovely deaf girl, we went back to her flat and made love. I felt so guilty about it I've superglued her hands together so she can't...
George Michael has been forced to give hand jobs to his fellow inmates in jail and then make drinking chocolate for them. He is currently working on a new single called W**k Me Off Before Your Cocoa.
A 73 year old woman has been detained by police for streaking at the Chelsea Flower Show. She was let off with a caution but was awarded first prize for the best dried bush arrangement.
Two irishmen are talking in the pub. Paddy says to Mick...did ye hear dat de actress who played Pussy Galore in de Avengers has split her fanny wide open? Micks says....bejaysus and holy farder do you...
Started an online suicide bombers equipment company where the bombs are disguised as prayer mats, calling it Mats for Snags. It's a huge success. Prophets are going through the roof.
A guy is having fabulous s3x with his stunning new girlfriend. Afterwards she strokes and fondles his knackers for ages. He asks her......why do you like playing with my nads for such a long time? She...
A catholic priest opened a tub of margarine and saw the face of jesus. He showed it to his mate from Tibet. His mate said.....I can't believe it's not Buddha.
A charity single has been put together and all proceeds of sales will go towards helping the Pakistan flood disaster. It's called.....'Raindrops Keep Falling on Ahmed.'
