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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

121 to 140 of 985

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maggiebee
Last night, my wife and her friends went to a Ladies Night Club: One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend... ...
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Rondy
Teacher: Why don't you brush your teeth? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning. Student: What did I have? 
Teacher: Egg! 
Student: You're wrong! That was yesterday!
___ Recently moved to a... ...
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Rondy
Shortly after the flight had taken off from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air stewardess announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up meant that though... ...
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Rondy
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said,... ...
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Canary42
Noah's voyage diary: "Day 35: Unicorn pie is really delicious!"
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Rondy
Fred, a waiter who had worked in a small restaurant for 53 years, passed away one night. His wife, Lois was heartbroken without him; she spent several days contacting psychics, channelers, anyone... ...
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Rondy
A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronic ball
And the cube of its weight
Times his ***, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call!
___

I don’t get out much these days.
I have a two foot... ...
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Rondy
I have a friend who entertains her guests by quickly calculating statistical averages.
Not exactly the life of the party, but she means well.
___
An investigative journalist should do a lot of... ...
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Rondy
Walking home from the pub last night I saw two old age pensioners holding hands. As they walked by I said to the old guy with a smile and a wink: "Have her home by ten now."
The elderly man stopped... ...
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Rondy
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the... ...
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Rondy

Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad... ...
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Rondy
My wife saw a cockroach in the kitchen this morning, I've never seen her work so hard scrubbing everywhere in the kitchen spotlessly clean.
Tomorrow, I'm going to put the fake cockroach in the... ...
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Rondy
My friend that has come into money is telling me that he is having his family tree researched. "Yes, and it is quite expensive, it cost £5,000." "Wow", I replied, "that is expensive!" "Yes, but it... ...
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1ozzy
..the NHS saves money. https://ibb.co/6Pd13LK ...
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Rondy
My ex divorced me because she said I treated her like a maid.
But even the judge agreed that she should keep the house.
___ Kids, your mother and I are getting divorced.
She said she’s leaving me... ...
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Rondy
A teacher asks her class to name things that end with TOR that eat things.
The first little boy says: "Alligator"
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says: "Predator."
"Yes that's another... ...
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Rondy
A recent study has revealed that 58% of marriages end in misery.
The other 42% end in divorce.
___ I divorced my cross-eyed wife.
We didn’t see eye to eye.
___
Judge: “On what grounds do you want a... ...
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ToraToraTora
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/V2JjIARaqPw   ...
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Rondy
I'm thinking about having a bust made...
But I don't want to get ahead of myself...
___

Bloke walks into a bar, orders a whisky and says 'I'm celebrating my first ***'....
After he finishes it... ...
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Rondy
Why are some people so nasty and unreasonable .. Shouting and screaming .. "Move your bleeding car you ***" the guy yelled at me .. 
I just walked off and left him ranting and raving, he was... ...

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