Im sure this is hard for you as he is the one who you lost your virginity to but you really shouldnt hold out for this guy, I dont doubt your feelings but a lot off women would love to stay with the first person they slept with and it be all happy endings but it rarely is, Look at the big picture here, he dumped you on your birthday, then decided to mess with your head by telling you he loved you but was moving back home! now he is still messing with your head by keep emailing you even though you cant be together. My advice would be to move on meet neew people, explain to this guy that if he comes back over and your still available then you can start again by being friends and seeing what comes of it. If he does have strong feelings for you he will be happy to let you get on with your life and when and if he comes back to live here then to take it slow and show you the respect you deserve. Maybe over time you will forget about this guy maybe you wont, what ever is meant to be will be. Good luck