Australian Cricket & David Warner

[DTCwordfan]

The joke that did in David Warner: In a Birmingham nightclub, what do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A waiter.

What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?
A laughing stock.

The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when IOC skippers tossed the coin at Edgbaston?
Andrew Cooke called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to George Bailey: “You lads can bat.’’
Just as quick, Bailey replied: “No, we can’t. We really can’t.”

Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?
The woman who irons their cricket whites.

What’s the height of optimism? An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

What is the main function of the Australia coach?
To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

On his way out into the middle to bat, George Bailey gets a call from his wife and teammate David Warner tells her he’s heading out to the middle.
His wife replies: “I’ll hold, he won’t be long!”

What’s the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you’ll miss them both.

Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

What did the New Zealand spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Australian innings.

What’s the Australian version of LBW?
Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Why is Michael Clarke cleverer than Houdini?
Because he can get out without even trying.

What does George Bailey put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?
A bat.

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A vacant lot.

Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?
Because they can’t spell beer.

Why can’t Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?
They eat all the grass.

[tonyav]

LOL, some crackers there DT, particularly like the bobsleigh crack.

[Baldric]

Some good ones there DTC!

[jim360]

The Edgbaston microphones joke was lost on me because the England captain is Alistair Cook and anyway he elected to bat first. #sad #missingthepoint

[jno]

funny, last time I heard those, the names were reversed. How times change

[DTCwordfan]

bloody hell, jim, are you that mathematical/pedantic? - extrapolate forward to the test then.