30 Something, Single, No Kids

[EvianBaby]

If you were in your 30's and single, with no apparent relationship prospects but you'd always had a strong desire to have your own family, would you look find a way to conceive knowing that you'd be a single parent or would you leave it to fate and take the chance that it might never happen?

[Sharingan]

I don't think being a single parent means Evian wouldn't ' know' the father of her child or that the child would think badly of her when older. Why would a much loved and wanted child think badly of it's parent because it was planned without a live in father, surely it would realise it was very special indeed? I'd certainly feel that way I think.

[woofgang]

Evian I am going to be honest, brutal even but I don't mean to hurt or offend you. I speak from experience.
1. In 20 years time there are many things in your life that you will feel very differently about from what you feel now. Its hard to foresee what those things will be. One of them may well be having children.
2. In women, the desire for children is, to a greater or lesser extent, hormonal. Honestly.
3. In my opinion, having children should be what about what is going to be good for the children and not about what the prospective parents want. Can you afford materially and emotionally to be a single parent by choice? As I said in my first post, single parenthood happens and many many people make an excellent job of it but its never a good idea to do it by choice.

[Eve]

I'm another 30 something with not even a sniff of a new relationship in the air. I've always wanted children though I would want to be in a partnership if at all possible, I know you can't guarantee how things work out but I can't see my going ahead on my own purposefully.

I have been thinking about things a lot recently as I do feel like I have far less chance of meeting someone as it's difficult to get out much disability wise to meet people at the moment and I have complexes about things like my weight and appearance and disability issues and all kinds of things.

More recently I've tried to settle in my mind that I may not become a mother. There are further difficulties due to medication I'm on and that I'd have to plan pregnancy carefully, come off drugs for months before even trying etc... when age may, at that point, not be on my side.

I like the idea of fostering but always thought that I'd want some experience of looking after children first.

[ganesh]

No, sharingan, what I meant was if she went for a pregnancy with a sperm donor! She would not know the father right? How is a child that grows up feel special about that,.knowing that his /her mother just wanted a baby and didn't care who the father was or thought fathers were not really needed other than for their sperm?

[sherrardk]

Surely a child born to a single mother who has had to put a great deal of thought into how to actually get pregnant (sperm donor, etc), the logistics of raising a child alone, etc would feel a damn sight move loved, wanted and cared for than some poor children who are not planned, not thought off and dragged up (be it by one or two parents)?

[EvianBaby]

I think part of my 'issue' is that I come from families full of children. I'm one of 7. I've got 8.5 nephews and nieces with no doubt more to follow. It's just what I know.

You're absolutely right that in 20 years I might be happy not having children. It's not something I'm actually considering doing anything about at the moment but it is something that frequently plays on my mind, especially the faster 30 is approaching.

In terms of the single parent thing, this may seem selfish to some but I think times are different now and you don't necessarily need mum and dad. I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful family and although my I can count my friends on less than one hand, the friendships I do have have proved themselves to be solid year after year. I'm certain my support network sufficient. Or maybe it's not.

Who knows, I might crash into the man of my dreams on the way to work tomorrow.

[tamborine]

Or you could crash into someone with kids for you to raise. Till then you've nephews & neices to plow your broodiness into

[woofgang]

sherrard that's the two wrongs argument....the fact that other children are raised badly is irrelevant to whether single parenthood by choice is a good idea.

[sherrardk]

No, it's my opinion (but each to his/her own).

[woofgang]

so if there were no children who were casually conceived and then badly brought up, would that mean that single parenthood by choice was a bad idea? That's what I mean by irrelevant

[Purple_Popple]

Oh Evian, I am many years older than you and believe me you have years ahead of you yet. You will be fine and I strongly believe in fate, please try and be happy with your life as it is at the moment, enjoy it.
I dont have children, well I was pregnant once and sadly lost it half way through.
Please dont wish your life away just now, you really never know what is around the corner. Time is on your side.

[MadMen]

Hmm. It's a tough one.

I'd probably leave it to fate.... although I suppose none of us know what's round the corner.

My ickle sis 'left it to fate', and now she's unable to have kids :(((

[cupotee]

Interesting subject.

I have a friend who is single and adopted an adorable little girl last year. When I first heard what she was planning, I was unaware it was even possible for single people to adopt. It is, and the process was quite long, but I am delighted to see how happy Mummy and her daughter are. A perfect relationship.

I know of another woman who conceived by artificial insemination who is a lovely Mummy and a well loved child.

I think it has to be something only you can decide.