Why Are Border Force Assisting The...
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Important Announcement to all Staff re Tonyav
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(Report obtained from A&E, Answerbank Under the Wold General Infirmary)
23rd June - arrived at A&E after being found unconscious in a ditch, almost naked from the waist down. Clothing examined and appears to have been nibbled rather than torn off. Strange hoof shaped marks on patient's shoulders and patient smells strongly of billygoat. Kept overnight for observation. No further treatment
30th June - arrived at A&E after being found unconscious in a boiler cupboard. Appeared delirious, shouting about girl on girl action. Kept overnight for observation. No further treatment
2nd July - presented himself at A&E with a broken nose. Claimed to have been hit by a flying book. Nose reset and 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed.
6th July - presented himself at A&E with scalding to the groin. After close examination of the relevant parts (with a magnifying glass), a faint redness could be detected. The scalded area was covered in a white powder which the patient claimed was cat flea powder. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed and an appointment made for patient to see duty psychiatrist.
8th July - presented himself at A&E complaining of a painful toe. An X ray revealed the toe to be broken. Patient claimed he sustained the injury when he kicked a pimp. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed and an urgent appointment requested for patient to see duty psychiatrist
19th July - patient brought to A&E by a friend. Patient had his head twisted the wrong way around after upsetting one of the contestants at a wrestling match. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed
23rd July - patient presented himself at A&E claiming he had been attacked by a billygoat. Patient covered in goat dung. No injuries, apart from bruising. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed
31st July - patient presented himself at A&E with a condom machine in which his hand was stuck. Condom machine cut to release patients hand. Bruising and swelling noticed. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed.
This patient obviously has "issues" and apparent fixations with A&E and goats.
This report if for the information of all A&E staff
23rd June - arrived at A&E after being found unconscious in a ditch, almost naked from the waist down. Clothing examined and appears to have been nibbled rather than torn off. Strange hoof shaped marks on patient's shoulders and patient smells strongly of billygoat. Kept overnight for observation. No further treatment
30th June - arrived at A&E after being found unconscious in a boiler cupboard. Appeared delirious, shouting about girl on girl action. Kept overnight for observation. No further treatment
2nd July - presented himself at A&E with a broken nose. Claimed to have been hit by a flying book. Nose reset and 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed.
6th July - presented himself at A&E with scalding to the groin. After close examination of the relevant parts (with a magnifying glass), a faint redness could be detected. The scalded area was covered in a white powder which the patient claimed was cat flea powder. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed and an appointment made for patient to see duty psychiatrist.
8th July - presented himself at A&E complaining of a painful toe. An X ray revealed the toe to be broken. Patient claimed he sustained the injury when he kicked a pimp. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed and an urgent appointment requested for patient to see duty psychiatrist
19th July - patient brought to A&E by a friend. Patient had his head twisted the wrong way around after upsetting one of the contestants at a wrestling match. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed
23rd July - patient presented himself at A&E claiming he had been attacked by a billygoat. Patient covered in goat dung. No injuries, apart from bruising. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed
31st July - patient presented himself at A&E with a condom machine in which his hand was stuck. Condom machine cut to release patients hand. Bruising and swelling noticed. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed.
This patient obviously has "issues" and apparent fixations with A&E and goats.
This report if for the information of all A&E staff
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