Crosswords4 mins ago
For LadyJ........The Finale
15 Answers
In more ways than one.
It was a quiet journey to the village hall if you ignored the P&J Man`s creaking joints as he bent to rub his foot. Don`t men make a fuss?
I unloaded the van as he hobbled about trying to keep his foot in the black and singed slipper...or what remained of it. The see-saw, little roundabout and a bounce up and down duck (my life is plagued by ducks and I wish i wasn`t next to u....ducks took three goes just now) were set up in the hall garden.
Nothing went wrong! Twentyish children supervised by Gness and a lame old man and all went swimmingly. :-)
While kiddies had their tea, aka who can fire jelly highest up the wall and throw up with the most enthusiasm, we set up the stripey tent and unpacked the puppets, most looking years older than Bruce Fosythe, and a string of sausages. Now when I make a string of sausages from ladies one-size American Tan tights I remove the reinforced toes and gusset as I`m sure you do. He hadn`t.
I can only think that the additives in the orange juice contributed to the behaviour of the children.....they were hyper. I was exhausted and P&J Man was grumpy. A bad start and it got worse. Would they sit still? Not on your life. Once one began to run up and kick the tent and try to grab Mr Punch they all did. I`d have had more luck putting eels in a jar than getting this lot to sit down.
That was when the swearing started....P&J Man not the kids. Words I had never heard! When he sensed a child near the tent it was "Clear off you f****** little b****** or I`ll break your f****** neck." Come near me you sodding little c**** and I`ll smash your f****** face in! Not in the original script, that was for sure.
When the kids started to imitate him I thought I`d better do something before the parents came back from their fag and wine recover from tea break.
I crept to the back of the tent, put my hand through the slit and tapped him on the shoulder. I don`t know whether he was naturally of a nervous disposition, thought Punch or Judy had come to life or was having a bad day but he shot forward, the tent fell over and he swallowed his bloody swazzle!
I didn`t even know what a swazzle was or that P&J Men had one in their mouths to make the funny voices. I found out the hard way. He was rolling on the floor, one hand clutching his throat and frantically pointing with the other. Well he wasn`t getting the kiss of life from me!
Did the children ever go quiet! And that was what brought the parents. Silence always does. A quick thinking dad hauled the P&J Man up and started beating seven bells out of him. The kids were loving this. Imagine the Monday morning in school. What did you do at the weekend? My dad beat up a Punch and Judy Man.
The P&J man survived, if a slightly odd colour. The dad gave him a drink, or two or three if the journey home was anything to go by and I packed up the van.
I alternated between laughing and crying as the old man snored his head off until we reached his house.
We unloaded in silence..he reluctantly paid me and I returned the ex`s van after buying the local paper to search for another job. Life as a children`s entertainer was not for me. :-(
I found another job and it lasted a month...would have been longer I think if I had only wrecked one mini cab.
Gx
How are you LadyJ?
It was a quiet journey to the village hall if you ignored the P&J Man`s creaking joints as he bent to rub his foot. Don`t men make a fuss?
I unloaded the van as he hobbled about trying to keep his foot in the black and singed slipper...or what remained of it. The see-saw, little roundabout and a bounce up and down duck (my life is plagued by ducks and I wish i wasn`t next to u....ducks took three goes just now) were set up in the hall garden.
Nothing went wrong! Twentyish children supervised by Gness and a lame old man and all went swimmingly. :-)
While kiddies had their tea, aka who can fire jelly highest up the wall and throw up with the most enthusiasm, we set up the stripey tent and unpacked the puppets, most looking years older than Bruce Fosythe, and a string of sausages. Now when I make a string of sausages from ladies one-size American Tan tights I remove the reinforced toes and gusset as I`m sure you do. He hadn`t.
I can only think that the additives in the orange juice contributed to the behaviour of the children.....they were hyper. I was exhausted and P&J Man was grumpy. A bad start and it got worse. Would they sit still? Not on your life. Once one began to run up and kick the tent and try to grab Mr Punch they all did. I`d have had more luck putting eels in a jar than getting this lot to sit down.
That was when the swearing started....P&J Man not the kids. Words I had never heard! When he sensed a child near the tent it was "Clear off you f****** little b****** or I`ll break your f****** neck." Come near me you sodding little c**** and I`ll smash your f****** face in! Not in the original script, that was for sure.
When the kids started to imitate him I thought I`d better do something before the parents came back from their fag and wine recover from tea break.
I crept to the back of the tent, put my hand through the slit and tapped him on the shoulder. I don`t know whether he was naturally of a nervous disposition, thought Punch or Judy had come to life or was having a bad day but he shot forward, the tent fell over and he swallowed his bloody swazzle!
I didn`t even know what a swazzle was or that P&J Men had one in their mouths to make the funny voices. I found out the hard way. He was rolling on the floor, one hand clutching his throat and frantically pointing with the other. Well he wasn`t getting the kiss of life from me!
Did the children ever go quiet! And that was what brought the parents. Silence always does. A quick thinking dad hauled the P&J Man up and started beating seven bells out of him. The kids were loving this. Imagine the Monday morning in school. What did you do at the weekend? My dad beat up a Punch and Judy Man.
The P&J man survived, if a slightly odd colour. The dad gave him a drink, or two or three if the journey home was anything to go by and I packed up the van.
I alternated between laughing and crying as the old man snored his head off until we reached his house.
We unloaded in silence..he reluctantly paid me and I returned the ex`s van after buying the local paper to search for another job. Life as a children`s entertainer was not for me. :-(
I found another job and it lasted a month...would have been longer I think if I had only wrecked one mini cab.
Gx
How are you LadyJ?
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You couldn't make it up ...
... next to that my attempts to asphyxiate some irritating children with my Astrodome seem quite tame (and anyway I did warn them I was turning the blower off if they didn't come out immediately).
Actually I knew it took 15 minutes for the canopy to deflate, but the parents who had been taking the Fosters at my inability to control their 'spawn of satan' ... didn't :+)
... next to that my attempts to asphyxiate some irritating children with my Astrodome seem quite tame (and anyway I did warn them I was turning the blower off if they didn't come out immediately).
Actually I knew it took 15 minutes for the canopy to deflate, but the parents who had been taking the Fosters at my inability to control their 'spawn of satan' ... didn't :+)
that's wonderful gness. simply wonderful.
thanks for asking atm i'm doing everything in a haze as painkillers have really started to kick in and all is a bit of a blur. rather feverish as well.
worst thing is oh's b'day today and it slipped my mind. his sis rang him up but i had forgotten completely.
thanks for asking atm i'm doing everything in a haze as painkillers have really started to kick in and all is a bit of a blur. rather feverish as well.
worst thing is oh's b'day today and it slipped my mind. his sis rang him up but i had forgotten completely.
1 to 15 of 15
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