The Answerbank Radio Show - Episode 13

[mrs_overall]

In the village of Answerbank Under the Wold (twinned with Toadsuck, Arkansas), the villagers in the Quizzes & Puzzles Arms were enjoying a quiet lunchtime drink, eagerly awaiting the afternoon grand opening of the new shop, when in burst a jubilant Vodkancoke, closely followed by her friends Marval (the safecracker) and Slinkykate (the ex nun who longed to live dangerously to make up for lost time but didn't know how).
"I got off at court, the drinks are on me!" she announced to the room.
"Bloody hell, how did you get off a charge of benefit fraud for claiming for 23 kids you don't have? asked an astounded Gness.
"It's all down to Slinky" beamed Vodka. "With her being an upstanding member of the community, she offered to take the Boy Scouts and Girl Guides on an educational visit to see how a court works. I passed them off as my kids."
"Didn't it look suspicious that they are all age ten to thirteen?" asked an open mouthed AYG?
"Nah, I said they were 3 sets of sextuplets, a set of quads and a singleton. I thought I might have trouble if that New Judge noticed that 4 of them were Asian, 3 of them were black, 5 were Chinese and the Polish one doesn't speak English but I got away with that one. The only tricky moment was when he asked me their names."
"Blimey, what did you say?" asked Gness
"I recited the names of the 1966 World Cup team for the first eleven and the rest I called Burke, Hare, Christie, Sutcliffe, Kray, Hindley,Brady, Bundy, Moat, Capone,Dillinger and Dotty."
"Dotty?" queried AYG
"That's my Mum's name. Top class shoplifter she is" said Vodka proudly.
"Time we were making a move folks" said Stokemaveric the village spiv who had been taking bets for two weeks on what the new shop was to be, and hoped to make a tidy profit.
The villagers stampeded out of the pub and headed down the high street.
No-one noticed the faint cries for help from the gents toilets.Tonyav had his hand firmly stuck inside the condom machine after it had swallowed his money and not dispensed the goods.
A substantial crowd had gathered outside the new shop where Towie and Deesa,both freshly peroxided for the occasion, were guarding the door.
"Good afternoon" screeched Towie "this is the moment you have all been waiting for."

(cue theme music as episode ends)

[lady-janine]

thank you very much Mrs O. that was a most amusing read. had me in fits of giggles - in fact all of them have had me in fits of giggles. thank you also for not letting me into the pub and smelling of mildew and horses . .. . . . i must have gone home for ablutions. thank goodness you have given my sister and me a bathroom.

i can feel another giggle coming on. poor tony.

[tonyav]

Ah, I see there was much extracting of the urine while I wasn't here ( DT ) lol.
mrs o I think I ought to get some form of a rebate as I have been paying maintenance for 6 of vodka's kids for the last 12 years, although I did wonder why they were a different colour to me !

[emmie]

tonyav, perhaps the missus is keeping secrets..

[murraymints]

Tony..you got your hand outta that machine yet ??..I can't recline here waiting for you ALL day.......another good one Mrs O....