Crosswords1 min ago
Losing friends. Careless or genius? Need help fast!
57 Answers
My name is nellipope and I have virtually no friends! I am hoping to achieve a higher state of friendlessness by 2013. It's been a hard slog, but I found that with the help of a few indignant comments over Facebook, or some derogatory remarks about a friend's kitten pics my friend list count has dropped from 44 to 23. And I feel this is reason to celebrate. Why? Well for a while now I have felt that my friends were a burden to me (or was I a burden to them) here the line is somewhat blurred . . . . But i digress, I need to get out of two upcoming social events a 35th birthday party and a hen night. I am 38 years old, married with two kids, I have never enjoyed hen nights/girls nights out for the following reasons:
Hen night scenario 1: a good mate gets really pissed, starts sobbing over marriage/work/kitten issues and I end up staying sober to ensure they make it home. NEVER LEAVE A WOUNDED SOLDIER.
Hen night scenario 2: I get really pissed, after being "forced" to drink half a pint of Sambuca (various flavours) and end up sleeping in the downstairs guest room otherwise known as the downstairs WC, with only Peppa Pig Wellies for a pillow. PLEASE NOTE, I have to make it home on my own . . . . No chaperone for me!
Hen night scenario 3: the bride gets really pisssed and starts regretting the pending marriage as the groom was caught screwing the local mobile spray tan girl and they had a foursome with a couple from the local PTA. It is at this point I am unsure as to whether the bride-to-be is upset because she didn't receive an invite, but feel it probably wouldn't be correct procedure to question her further.
But I am tired, I am sick and tired of making up excuses to get out of these events the amount of time and energy I am wasting in the name of diplomacy and "niceness" is just draining. Please help me think of some ridiculous excuses to get out of these and other future events?
I have supplied a template, as follows;
"Sorry I can't make it to your (Hen night/birthday party/baby shower/other*) because (PLEASE INSERT RIDICULOUS EXCUSE HERE) but thanks for the invite! "
*please delete where appropriate.
Hen night scenario 1: a good mate gets really pissed, starts sobbing over marriage/work/kitten issues and I end up staying sober to ensure they make it home. NEVER LEAVE A WOUNDED SOLDIER.
Hen night scenario 2: I get really pissed, after being "forced" to drink half a pint of Sambuca (various flavours) and end up sleeping in the downstairs guest room otherwise known as the downstairs WC, with only Peppa Pig Wellies for a pillow. PLEASE NOTE, I have to make it home on my own . . . . No chaperone for me!
Hen night scenario 3: the bride gets really pisssed and starts regretting the pending marriage as the groom was caught screwing the local mobile spray tan girl and they had a foursome with a couple from the local PTA. It is at this point I am unsure as to whether the bride-to-be is upset because she didn't receive an invite, but feel it probably wouldn't be correct procedure to question her further.
But I am tired, I am sick and tired of making up excuses to get out of these events the amount of time and energy I am wasting in the name of diplomacy and "niceness" is just draining. Please help me think of some ridiculous excuses to get out of these and other future events?
I have supplied a template, as follows;
"Sorry I can't make it to your (Hen night/birthday party/baby shower/other*) because (PLEASE INSERT RIDICULOUS EXCUSE HERE) but thanks for the invite! "
*please delete where appropriate.
Answers
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nelly, you haven't been out for a bit - the blue and white stripes are no more, it's all yellow and daisyfied now.... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17622856
Two for you: (Maybe you could offer multiple choice to the person you'd like to disappoint)
"Sorry I can't make it to your (Hen night/birthday party/baby shower/other*) because I have been asked to play John Cleese in his next marriage and have to arrange the lawyers, but thanks for the invite!"
"Sorry I can't make it to your (Hen night/birthday party/baby shower/other*) because I've been reading a lot of Satre and Lacan recently and I just can't bring myself to give a singe , but thanks for the invite!"
"Sorry I can't make it to your (Hen night/birthday party/baby shower/other*) because I have been asked to play John Cleese in his next marriage and have to arrange the lawyers, but thanks for the invite!"
"Sorry I can't make it to your (Hen night/birthday party/baby shower/other*) because I've been reading a lot of Satre and Lacan recently and I just can't bring myself to give a singe , but thanks for the invite!"
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