Sorry to bother you guys but......

[Smowball]

I dont know if he is in a bad mood, whatever........but he has just told me he doesnt love me< and im a tad hysterical and devastated.

[DTCwordfan]

Yep, Smowball, excuse the analogy but this is very much an emotional zit or boil and needs to be lanced soonest or it will turn into a major abcess. The "discussion" lancing will put you back on track (on your terms and list them mentally, as ummmm rightly points out) or you know where you stand if he refuses to properly discuss, throws a paddy or walks out.

It might be worth preparing yourself with your solicitor, so you can serve quickly and before he does (just a contingency.....)

Choose when you go into battle carefully and the mood of him - a bad day at work will not bring you both any favours - and I go back to having this discussion out of the house so that it is seen on neutral territory and that he (or you) can't afford to be too emotional.

You might want to draft and send a letter as this is often a way of communicating your seriousness. Obviously, don't write and immediately send it, give it overnight and re-read and re-write what you want; often we down-tone the emotional content and, in doing so, we make the letter more powerful (again focus on the strengths and + points before launching into the negs).....and then finish with an invitation to discuss the letter in his own time but by a certain date, not too far off so he can't hide behind it, thinking this will all go away.

Be brave too.

And this comes from a male!

[Smowball]

Thanks DT. Im so cross with myself. Ive been here before, but that was physical abuse, and it took all my strength to finally get out of it but I did. Now years later, after meeting current hubby who never ever used ctlike this, I find myself yet again accepting behaviour that I know is wrong and unfair. Making no excuses, he does have an awful lot of worries on his plate at the min, mainly being that his ex is refusing to let him see his child(thats another story) and he must be feeling dreadful, but that isnt my fault. I need a good kick up the proverbial backside.

[Smowball]

should have said "ever used to be like this"

[ummmm]

No, it's not your fault what his Ex does. You've been supportive and understanding enough. Don't forego your happiness, and your sons happiness, for some else's issues.

One life Smowball....one life xx

[Smowball]

Do you know, you're right ummm. He does make me unhappy a lot lately. Maybe I should tell him that.

[Ann]

I agree with everything DT crosswordfan says in his answer above Smowball - he talks a lot of sense. Take care and remember only you can decide what to do with your life. <<hug>>

[Smowball]

Ann, I once heard somebody say that if you act like a victim then you will be treated like a victim. Maybe its time for me to start acting differently. I do feel a lot more confident after all of your wonderful advice and support.Hugs to you too : )