I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula.

[Groupie]

He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."

So here goes:

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurisation

[Count-A-Strong]

.............tumbleweed.............

[Poor-Alfie]

what are you on?

[DTCwordfan]

That really is milking the situation, Groupie.

Pull the udder one...

[crisgal]

i liked it ♥

[boxtops]

Ner?

[craft1948]

I loved the hooker joke but since then.............naw.

[RATTER15]

What the..............................

[boxtops]

I post a joke here now and again if it really makes me laugh, but I don't make them up specially. Most jokes on AB aren't really funny, IMO.

[JDOvengloves]

A mate emailed me these today - supposedly Tommy Cooperesque - but seem more like Tim Vine to me

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said. “A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.”

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! B******s to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was sat there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy's heading for a breakdown.’

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'