ChatterBank20 mins ago
What are the reasons people have children?
I was reading this thread (http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Society-and-C
ulture/Question986440-5.html)
from a couple of weeks ago and it made me think also why is it that if you don't have children by a cetrain age you get treated like a weirdo, and also why do people actually decide to have children?
When I've asked friends, none can give me a straight answer, its usually "that's what people do, isn't it" - err, no not necessarily...
Me and my partner are unmarried, have been together 6 years, love eachother & are best friends, but we don't have any burning desire to get married or to have kids, but we are constantly asked/nagged about it by family, friends, colleagues etc.
We are now among the minority of our friends in not having kids, and I think I will actually scream if one more smug new parent says to me "you'll be next"!!!
The reason I won't is that I have no understanding of what motivates people to have a child in the first place. I have finally got my life to a place where I can do what I want when I want - why would I change that? There are already too many people on this planet so why would I add to that?
I know some people have kids because they don't mean to, but what about the rest? Is it as simple as because its what is expected of us?
ulture/Question986440-5.html)
from a couple of weeks ago and it made me think also why is it that if you don't have children by a cetrain age you get treated like a weirdo, and also why do people actually decide to have children?
When I've asked friends, none can give me a straight answer, its usually "that's what people do, isn't it" - err, no not necessarily...
Me and my partner are unmarried, have been together 6 years, love eachother & are best friends, but we don't have any burning desire to get married or to have kids, but we are constantly asked/nagged about it by family, friends, colleagues etc.
We are now among the minority of our friends in not having kids, and I think I will actually scream if one more smug new parent says to me "you'll be next"!!!
The reason I won't is that I have no understanding of what motivates people to have a child in the first place. I have finally got my life to a place where I can do what I want when I want - why would I change that? There are already too many people on this planet so why would I add to that?
I know some people have kids because they don't mean to, but what about the rest? Is it as simple as because its what is expected of us?
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Slightly off tack, I know, but it cannot go unchallenged.
No, dr b, we do not need younger workers to pay for old age pensions. I have paid for my occupational pension. My employer invested the money for me and it is now available for me to draw. Current contributors to my pension scheme are not providing the funds to pay me (in fact my scheme is closed to new members and has been for some time).
I have similarly paid for my State pension via (often excessive) Income Tax and National Insurance contributions. It is no concern to me that successive governments have mismanaged those funds and now have to rely on current taxpayers to meet their liabilities. They should have been more prudent with my money which I had no choice but to pay them.
If we can get that straight we may go a little way to scotching the belief that we need ever increasing numbers of current workers to financially support those who have retired.
Sorry to have hijacked your question, fraggle, but it is a particular hobby horse of mine and I see red whenever the issue is raised!
No, dr b, we do not need younger workers to pay for old age pensions. I have paid for my occupational pension. My employer invested the money for me and it is now available for me to draw. Current contributors to my pension scheme are not providing the funds to pay me (in fact my scheme is closed to new members and has been for some time).
I have similarly paid for my State pension via (often excessive) Income Tax and National Insurance contributions. It is no concern to me that successive governments have mismanaged those funds and now have to rely on current taxpayers to meet their liabilities. They should have been more prudent with my money which I had no choice but to pay them.
If we can get that straight we may go a little way to scotching the belief that we need ever increasing numbers of current workers to financially support those who have retired.
Sorry to have hijacked your question, fraggle, but it is a particular hobby horse of mine and I see red whenever the issue is raised!
rowanwitch i am sorry to hear that. I do hope I won't feel that way in the future but you can't use a crystal ball to find out, and I don't want to do it just in case I might feel like that! (sorry that makes no sense!)
ankou - i know it seems hypocritical to state those 2 points in relatively quick succession, but I did not only just think of them now; they are things I considered some time ago but I rejected them both as reasons because I didn't think they were good enough or held strongly enough (as I said, no burning desire).
I also have not insinuated in any way that you or anyone else on here was a "smug married" - in fact I have not even used that phrase - if you read my original post you'll see I actually said that "if one more smug new parent tells me I'll be next I will scream". I don't see how you can possibly take any offense from that, as you do not fit into that category.
I guess this is just one of those big questions that people rarely talk about in normal conversation so its really interesting to hear people's varying POVs
I guess the reason I'm exploring it in such a philosphical way is because I don't hold the "norm" viewpoint but I want to understand those who do. Maybe I will change my mind one day. Its just such a massive decision I couldn't just do it without a lot of thought, and I don't want to do it for the wrong reasons.
Thank you all for the interesting comments though - confidence boosting and also intriguing.
ankou - i know it seems hypocritical to state those 2 points in relatively quick succession, but I did not only just think of them now; they are things I considered some time ago but I rejected them both as reasons because I didn't think they were good enough or held strongly enough (as I said, no burning desire).
I also have not insinuated in any way that you or anyone else on here was a "smug married" - in fact I have not even used that phrase - if you read my original post you'll see I actually said that "if one more smug new parent tells me I'll be next I will scream". I don't see how you can possibly take any offense from that, as you do not fit into that category.
I guess this is just one of those big questions that people rarely talk about in normal conversation so its really interesting to hear people's varying POVs
I guess the reason I'm exploring it in such a philosphical way is because I don't hold the "norm" viewpoint but I want to understand those who do. Maybe I will change my mind one day. Its just such a massive decision I couldn't just do it without a lot of thought, and I don't want to do it for the wrong reasons.
Thank you all for the interesting comments though - confidence boosting and also intriguing.
It’s pure instinct; it is a natural thing for women (and men) to want to create life, I think it really is that simple.
Other logical factors then come in to play (well I believe they should anyway) as to whether you actually have children, such as being financially stable enough.
I’ve never wanted children, partly due to just not having the desire to and for my own personal logical reasons such as overpopulation and personal finances not being enough quite frankly.
I worry that my instincts will take over and finding I have left it too late or finding I’m not able to, I think that is one of the most painful things a woman can experience.
I do agree that people come out with stupid things though, when I met my partner women he worked with tried to convince him I was lying and would end up pregnant any way and trapping – silly cows!
Other logical factors then come in to play (well I believe they should anyway) as to whether you actually have children, such as being financially stable enough.
I’ve never wanted children, partly due to just not having the desire to and for my own personal logical reasons such as overpopulation and personal finances not being enough quite frankly.
I worry that my instincts will take over and finding I have left it too late or finding I’m not able to, I think that is one of the most painful things a woman can experience.
I do agree that people come out with stupid things though, when I met my partner women he worked with tried to convince him I was lying and would end up pregnant any way and trapping – silly cows!
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