Mental Infertility

[emma_llew]

I'm wondering, is there a proper term for people who don't have the mental capability to have children?
I class myself as mentally infertile, but it's a term I've coined myself because I've never known what else to call it. There are many reasons why I can't have children. I'll list a few;

I suffer with major depression amongst other depression related illnesses and I would never want to risk passing that down to a child, be it through genes or through social interaction with it.
I've never had that maternal instinct that other women have.
I am not mentally well enough to look after myself, let alone a child. It would be selfish and irresponsible to even entertain the idea.

I must note that I am actually physically able to give birth.

It troubles me because people do n't understand how I can feel this way, yet I've never known the name for it to be able to look up anything online about it. I've only managed to find one entry about it by typing in 'mental infertility' on Google and I found one woman who gave the exact same reasons as me.

Is it a disorder? Or is there just a term for it that I can had to help find more info about it?
I would SO appreciate any help. Thank you in advance.

[woofgang]

I had a look on that childfree forum, bits of it are a bit red in tooth and claw.

[jno]

childfree is a somewhat loaded term itself; but it may offer some comfort to emma_llew. Infertility is really only the word for those who can't have children. There isn't one for those who choose not to, for whatever reason.

But it sounds as if emma has made the right choice for her. She may harbour some regrets (otherwise she probably wouldn't have begun this thread); but that's okay. Everyone has regrets about something. Every choice you make in life means not taking a different route.

The main thing is being comfortable with your own choices. Have you sought treatment for the depression itself, emma?

[Sqad]

This is not my scene...........but........first of all, the mental aspect of your question.

Experts do believe that bipolar disorder often runs in families, and there is a genetic component to this mood disorder and the same may be said of schizophrenia. So yes, you have a point.......a good point.

Some 50 years ago, a married woman who had not had a baby within 2 years was thought of as being "odd" in some way....and was talked about.
Having a child was tour raison d'etre and great celebrations ensued.....as it does today....just watch AB.

Over the years, it has been generally accepted that some woman are not "cut out to be mothers".....they don't want to be "abdominally ugly" uncomfortable, nauseous, the domination of their lives and conversation by baby weights, baby names and the general terminology that surrounds a pregnancy.....ending with the screaming, shouting and bloody mess of giving birth. That is only the end of the beginning, not even the beginning of the end of being a mother.

This just does not appeal to many women...it is not a pathological condition it is not unfeminine, just a normal human attitude change to what in many cases is a hysterical and over hyped process of reproduction and protection of the species.

You can live a good, useful and happy life without having children.

[Scylax]

Mrs. S. and I decided not to have children as we were neither paternal nor maternal. We didn't have them, despite the pressures and expectations of family and friends. Nuts to them. We went our own cerebral way and never regretted it at all. A long and happy marriage ensued, unburdened by child-rearing. Folks still think of us as strange, but unwanted kids are a tragedy, so we never added to the problem of overpopulation.

Do your own thing, Emma, and defy convention.

[LazyGun]

Well, depression could be classed as a mental illness, i suppose - but being physiologically able to have childen but choosing not to is not a mental illness, it is not a disease, and you should not think that way. Labelling what constitutes a choice as "mental illness" implies that it is a disorder, when it is not.

From what I understand of your OP, taken together with some of your early responses, it would appear that you do not have what some describe as a maternal instinct - but not all women do. A study conducted back in 1999 suggested that as many as 1 in 5 women in the UK had no maternal instinct whatsoever.

Other surveys have also confirmed that for many women, in some surveys, more women than men, thought it important that it was necessary to be financially secure and established in their careers before having a family. It also goes without saying that for many women it is equally as important that before you have a child, you have to feel the need, and be with someone with whom you wish to raise that child.

To decide you do not wish to have children is not a disease, it is not a disorder, it is not selfish - indeed, having a child that you did not particularly want would be a greater sin.

Do not beat yourself up about it, and do not let it contribute to any negative feelings you might have about yourself or your situation.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/maternal-instinct-is-extinct-for-one-woman-in-five-743042.html