Daughters Tears at Nursery

[lylabellablueyes]

Every time i drop my daughter at nursery she cries and pleads not to go.
She is two years old and i have to put her in 2 days a week due to me working.

This is really distressful for me and makes me want to quit my job and be at home with her.

The staff tell me she is fine when i leave, but when i pick her up, she hits me and herself as tho' she is frustrated.

Has anyone else ever had this with their kids?

What should i do?

Should i take her out? It's a really good nursery with lovely staff, so i know they're treating her well.

She's been there a month!!

Any advice would be most helpful.

Many thanks xx

[carolegif]

I used to run toddler groups and several of them would cry buckets until Mum or Dad left, then carry on as if nothing happened!
When my son joined Playgroup he screamed and when I got home they called me to say I had better come and collect him as he hadn't stopped. In the end I used to leave him for a short time, not the full two hours or so. After the half term he was fine and couldn't wait to go back - strange child!

[andy-hughes]

this is very very common, as a lot of nursery staff will tell you.

Your daughter is learning how to manipulate you - all children do it at various levels.

You need to be strong, and remember, she doesn't experience this with the adult perspective that you have - as you are fretting away, she is getting on with having a good time.

The hitting is probably a result of strong controls during the day which they put in place to stop mayhem occuring. Some children get very frustrated and 'kcik off' when the are released from this control.

I would not tolerate her hitting me, but i would allow her to have 20 - 30 minutes letting off steam on the way home, and then she should be able to calm down and be nice.

Have a chat with the staff - they are highly experienced, and from what you say, it is a good nursey.

For the record - changing nursery will not change her behaviour - she will take it with her!

[yogi-bear]

Very common in some little 'uns, las Andy mentions.

We've got four children and with one of them, had the tantrums a little, but once either one of us had left, the tears soon dried up and they got on with playing in the playgroup and no trouble at all.

Once we went to pick them up, not a happy bunny for about 5 mins....no hitting though just sulking....we had this for about a week ....it will get better as she realises that it's gonna happen anyway, so i would perservere with it, especially as you say that the nursery have lovely staff there.

And yes, moving her will have no impact at all....in fact, it would probably make it worse as she would have to start right at the beginning to bond with new faces and other children. Not ideal is it?

I would bring a sweet/chocolate/ treat she likes and promise that if she stays good and no crying and hitting, she'll get it at the end of the session when you come to pick her up. See if that works.

Best of luck to you, lylabellablueyes

[mummyh]

My daughter is in nursery 3 days a week and has been since she was just 1. She is now 3 and a half, and I would say that only in the last 6 months has she been ok at dropping off time. Previously, she would cry and literally cling on to me while I tried to extract myself - horrible for me, but like you, the staff assured me she was fine once I'd gone. I still turn up to pick her up with a snack, or something she likes, or the promise of something when we get home (even if it's stickers, or a quick trip out on her bike/scooter), because she throws herself on the floor when I arrive at nursery and is adamant she doesn't want to come home. Keep at it. You've only been doing it a month - perseverance is the key. She'll soon learn that you're coming back and that hitting you isn't going to change things. Stay strong - you are doing her good in the long run. x

[clipclop1]

I run a playgroup and see this all the time, as everyone else has said, its a way of manipulating you (yes she also doesn't want to be parted from you but this is a lesson she'll need to learn) If you were to give in and quit your job, that will only teach her that whatever behaviour / tantrums she shows at nursery is the way to get whatever she wants from you... and you would be shooting yourself in the foot for future lessons. She's not been there long. I find that a lot of the children just dont click straight away that mummy/daddy WILL always come back to get them... I would recommend some light hearted chats the night before about the structure of the day to come for example... 'Tomorow after we have breakfast we're going to get in the car and go to nursery, wont that be good! And when your there, you'll play with the toys and maybe paint me a lovely picture then after you have had your snack il come back to get you and see your picture!' If she starts to 'stress' at this convo, dont go into it anymore, change the subject and always act as if you expect her to always go to nursery.... I find that the kids at my playgroup are so well behaved because we EXPECT them to be... so by you stressing 'pre-nursery drop off time' will give her an excuse to act up, take her in, all happy and cheerful, drop her coat off, biiiiig kisses for mummy, hand her over and give lovely happy smiles and waves and then walk out... after doing this 2 - 3 times, it'll all click into place!
Dont fret, classic behaviour that always gets sorted!!

[Lily_Lilbert]

Any chance the staff are not as lovely as you think? Maybe your 2 year old is trying to tell you something?

[boxtops]

My little brother used to do this years ago, my mum would come home weeping - but as soon as she'd gone, the staff said he forgot all about her and really enjoyed herself. I would leave her there, she's still very new to the whole idea - it sounds as if otherwise it's a lovely place.

[boxtops]

^ enjoyed himself

[mummyh]

Oh Lilylibert - don't put that kind of thought into the poor woman's head! That is NOT the problem - it's perfectly normal behaviour and isn't helped by that kind of paranoia.

[Lily_Lilbert]

It isnt paranoia! Im not talking Vanessa George type of vileness, but it needs to be looked into in case someone is shouting at her or something.

[4getmenot]

but if she was like that on day one its not likely is it

[sherrardk]

All mine (so far) have been fine with nursery/playgroup. However, when the two youngest go (must think of an alternative word to 'the twins') I can see a problem with the boy - the girl will go to anyone but D is a mam's boy.

[scraggy55]

Don't take her out whatever you do. I think that most parents go through this and yes, it is distressing initially. Walk away...........as quickly as you can, don't hang around and possibly get her to walk into the Nursery with another Mum and child who she gets along with. She will get over it, but she is feeling your stress about every morning and thinks if she cries you will give in!

[welshlibranr]

just give her a little more time to get used to going there, she will find her independance!........It's very hard for you both at the start, but she will be fine!.......