i know i'm being unreasonable but.........

[baggysenior]

my partner has just had his 15yr old daughter move in with him. He used to stop over at mine on thursday and sunday nights (the nights my ex has my 2 yr old to stay over) i used to spend all weekend with him but now hes going to be unable to stay at mine because he doesnt want to leave his 15yr old at home, and i dont want to stop at his because i dont want to get inbetween him and his girl and also the flat is very small so we can't be as active and loving as we usually are (wink) as i know she will be there. As selfish as it sounds , one thing that attracted me to him was the fact he was independant. I feel resentful to his poor daughter and i'm finding it hard to be civil to my partner because of this. Can i have some suggestions on how to cope or should i quit a perhaps futureless relationship?thanks in advance you guys!!

[Mcvj]

How long have you been with him Baggy?

Also, before this became an issue, how was everything between you?

[baggysenior]

i've been with him since january of this year and if you read my previous questions you'll see the path hasnt always been smooth, but things were really good between us just prior to this. thanks for taking an interest

[Mcvj]

Hi Baggy,

Sorry for the delayed reply, I was reading through your past replies (I hope that that is OK.)

You seem like a genuinely lovely person and in all honest, I would stick it out. You've mentioned in your past questions that your partner is family-orientated and testament to this, he's looking out for his daughter in her time of need. I would regret the decision to leave him over this issue.

You don't know how long this situation will last so I believe that you should support him though it and be as selfless as possible, if your relationship is strong enough, and he wants it work then it will.

Sometimes in situations like this I find it therapeutic to give an 'all or nothing' attitude - if it doesn't work, you will know that you have done everything that you can and the problem lies with him.

[baggysenior]

thankyou so much for taking the time to look at my previous posts and for your response mcvj. I am very grateful. I believe you are right. I would dislike myself very much if i left him without trying. My feelings are intensified at the moment because prior to his daughter moving in he was there for me night and day (my mum is having investigations for breast cancer) She gets her results tomorrow and i've been without him for a couple of days now and i know he wont be with me tonight as he usually is when i'll be at my most anxious. thankyou once again.

[jno]

nobody with a 15-year-old child is independent. He's right to put the child before you - how would you have felt when you were 15 if one of your parents had left you to your own devices in order to spend more time with a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Your resentment is understandable, but a child must come first. As to how long it lasts, who knows? That's just something to work out yourself. Meanwhile, rather than seeing her as a disruption, why not try to be friends with her? (This can be easier said than done with a child whose family has fallen apart, I know.)

On the plus side, he's obviously good, responsible parenting material if you're looking for someone to have a family with yourself. Not all men are.