Is This Man Trying To Make Me Feel Bad?
Family & Relationships1 min ago
Anybody been there?
20 Answers
Lost a close relative a short time ago and wife thinks I am now losing the plot, so to speak. suggestions in so far are speak t the nice people at CRUSE, speak with SAMARITANS, stop speaking with Johnny Walker etc. All welcome, but now realising things may be getting a little beyond control lol anyone got ideas before the pros get involved. Much appreciated
Ta!!! As 11 month old now repeatedly tells me even as I fall apart LOL
Ta!!! As 11 month old now repeatedly tells me even as I fall apart LOL
Answers
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There are many stages you go through with the grieving process and I doubt you have had time to take it in yet. You say a short time ago, so I'd suggest taking each day as it comes.
Everyone grieves differently, sometimes just speaking to someone you meet and will probably never see again can help.
When my mum died the first person I really spoke to about her was a lady I sat next to on a train.
Like GiGi says wait until you're ready, sometimes you need to work your way through the anger, the hurt, the unfairness before you are ready to talk, but you'll get there.
Everyone grieves differently, sometimes just speaking to someone you meet and will probably never see again can help.
When my mum died the first person I really spoke to about her was a lady I sat next to on a train.
Like GiGi says wait until you're ready, sometimes you need to work your way through the anger, the hurt, the unfairness before you are ready to talk, but you'll get there.
grieving is a process and part of that process is to have pain, we all deal with it differently, if you try to mask it with yr booze you will get stuck and the process takes longer. counselling may help, but I think organisations like cruse wont see you for a good while after the bereavement, to let you go through the different emotions you may feel. if there are serious worries re your mental health see yr GP. Try and take time to do some of the things you enjoyed before, to try and get you back to 'normal' good luck and I hope you start to feel better soon. la
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CRUSE is a really excellent organisation.
It certainly helped Elsie & I cope when we lost a relative.
They have local branches all over the UK, have a look here for yours:~
http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/find_br anch.html
It certainly helped Elsie & I cope when we lost a relative.
They have local branches all over the UK, have a look here for yours:~
http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/find_br anch.html
CRUSE is an excellent organisation to go to speak to someone. Pick up the phone and make an appointment, as it may be a few weeks before they can give you an appointment. I would suggest that you cut down your drinking as inevitably it will make you feel even lower than you do now.
It might help you to speak to a friend, other family member or your wife about your feelings, instead of bottling them up. Talk, talk, and crying will help you - grief comes in waves, and some days will be better than others. Try and keep busy, but allow yourself some time during the day to think about and talk about the dead person.
You will get through this, but it will take time. There are always people here if you need some company.
Also - be kind to yourself - that's important as well. xx
It might help you to speak to a friend, other family member or your wife about your feelings, instead of bottling them up. Talk, talk, and crying will help you - grief comes in waves, and some days will be better than others. Try and keep busy, but allow yourself some time during the day to think about and talk about the dead person.
You will get through this, but it will take time. There are always people here if you need some company.
Also - be kind to yourself - that's important as well. xx
Yes ummmm you're right....sometimes drinking does make you cry. However, if i'm sad, i dont need drink - i'll cry nonetheless!!
Anyway, too much alcohol will blur reality, can form a habit, and can make a person who is very low, think unreasonable thoughts. It's certainly not a good combination if one is on sleeping pills, or other tablets like mood enhancers.
Just go easy with the alcohol, that;s all i'm saying. :-)
Anyway, too much alcohol will blur reality, can form a habit, and can make a person who is very low, think unreasonable thoughts. It's certainly not a good combination if one is on sleeping pills, or other tablets like mood enhancers.
Just go easy with the alcohol, that;s all i'm saying. :-)
daginge-- you sound pretty sensible to me . you recognise that you are grieving and that you are going to need some help.
S o contact Cruse they are wonderful people and will really help.
Cut out the booze doesn't help.You know that already.
Grieving is a very personalised thing and varies in each different situation.
Have been in your situation and when a close relative died it took me a year to get my head round it.
Like you I drank to excess, so much that I nearly lost the rest of my family who could not understand . Cruse helped me so much that I cannot thank them enough .So give it a go.
You will find on AB many people to talk to who will give you support and the benefit of their experience, so please keep in touch if you would like to.
All the very best . Brenda.
S o contact Cruse they are wonderful people and will really help.
Cut out the booze doesn't help.You know that already.
Grieving is a very personalised thing and varies in each different situation.
Have been in your situation and when a close relative died it took me a year to get my head round it.
Like you I drank to excess, so much that I nearly lost the rest of my family who could not understand . Cruse helped me so much that I cannot thank them enough .So give it a go.
You will find on AB many people to talk to who will give you support and the benefit of their experience, so please keep in touch if you would like to.
All the very best . Brenda.
You have had some good advice, it is too easy to want to drown one's sorrows. I lost my mother a while ago, and today I found out my Godfather has died. I get moments of being Ok, and then I get tearful. I thought I would be alright, but have come to the conclusion that I need to talk to someone.
Do not be afraid to open up, sometimes it is easier to talk to stranger, who doesn't know or judge you.
I agree with mamyalynne, if you can write all your thoughts down. It can help clear you mind and take away a little of the pain.
The most important things are to realise that you are not alone, and you actions are just your way of grieving. Forget the bottle, it will only blot out your pain not remove it.
take care
Do not be afraid to open up, sometimes it is easier to talk to stranger, who doesn't know or judge you.
I agree with mamyalynne, if you can write all your thoughts down. It can help clear you mind and take away a little of the pain.
The most important things are to realise that you are not alone, and you actions are just your way of grieving. Forget the bottle, it will only blot out your pain not remove it.
take care
Silkcut....Helps you cry, not makes you cry.
I lost my Uncle and Dad within 7 months of each other and was devestated. I'm quite a private person and have always found it hard to cry in front of people. I drank quite a bit after Dad died, not enough to get bladdered (although I did sometimes) but enough to numb me. I say numb me...but it also helped me cry and not care who seen it. I spent quite a few months like this....crying became the habit not the drinking.
Now I don't care who sees me cry.....
daginge.....how much are you actually drinking?
I lost my Uncle and Dad within 7 months of each other and was devestated. I'm quite a private person and have always found it hard to cry in front of people. I drank quite a bit after Dad died, not enough to get bladdered (although I did sometimes) but enough to numb me. I say numb me...but it also helped me cry and not care who seen it. I spent quite a few months like this....crying became the habit not the drinking.
Now I don't care who sees me cry.....
daginge.....how much are you actually drinking?
Hi daginge, I am sorry for your loss. There is a lot of good advice here for you and the most important piece (I think) is to speak to someone when you are ready. I lost my mum almost 4 years ago and couldn't discuss how I was feeling with family or friends for some time. I didnt want to breakdown in case I never got up again. I eventually spoke to a counsellor who was a tremendous help to me and made me realise that what I was feeling was 'normal'. Everyone deals with bereavement in their own way, but she showed me 'the circle of grief' which is basically the stages that we all go through and I was able to recognise where I was in that circle and it gave me some comfort and hope. I rarely share my feelings and had never ever thought that I would benefit from speaking to a counsellor but I did. I think that perhaps you should speak with your doctor or contact one of the organisations that you have mentioned. Good Luck and take care of yourself.
Try to not rely on the booze, it's a depressant and won't help in the long run. I managed to give it up when I got to the stage of taking the bottle to bed, just in case !
If you can talk to others that's good as, when you actually voice those mad thoughts that just keep going round and round in your head, they do eventually subside a little. Don't think that other people don't want to hear about your problems, this is the depression speaking, mostly people are interested.
People kept telling me 'when 12 months has passed you will feel better', well I didn't and this was when I tried suicide. A year is not a magic marker after which all will be well so don't focus too hard on the anniversay. However, the passage of time is a help and more and more scar tissue will grow over the hurt. It is now 18 years since my son was killed. Greaving is a long, drawn out process but there is light at the end of the tunnel and one day you will realise that your pain has diminished to the point that it no longer dominates your life. Don't let yourself get to the point where you can no longer face living before you ask for help. You can climb out of that black hole, just look up and see the helping hands extended towards you and grab them.
If you can talk to others that's good as, when you actually voice those mad thoughts that just keep going round and round in your head, they do eventually subside a little. Don't think that other people don't want to hear about your problems, this is the depression speaking, mostly people are interested.
People kept telling me 'when 12 months has passed you will feel better', well I didn't and this was when I tried suicide. A year is not a magic marker after which all will be well so don't focus too hard on the anniversay. However, the passage of time is a help and more and more scar tissue will grow over the hurt. It is now 18 years since my son was killed. Greaving is a long, drawn out process but there is light at the end of the tunnel and one day you will realise that your pain has diminished to the point that it no longer dominates your life. Don't let yourself get to the point where you can no longer face living before you ask for help. You can climb out of that black hole, just look up and see the helping hands extended towards you and grab them.
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There's a lot of excellent advice already given and reading it is a form of talking to some-one about it. The more you talk the more it comes out of your system.
Booze won't help at all. It's a depressant and also bad for your liver.
Grief has to go through various phases, including shock, anger, recrimination, guilt (why wasn't it me?) etc.
Your family is there to help you. Weather the storm together and don't let the bottle drive you apart from the ones you love and who love you.
(retired doctor)
Booze won't help at all. It's a depressant and also bad for your liver.
Grief has to go through various phases, including shock, anger, recrimination, guilt (why wasn't it me?) etc.
Your family is there to help you. Weather the storm together and don't let the bottle drive you apart from the ones you love and who love you.
(retired doctor)
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