Evidence now found

[Velvetee]

I mentioned before my "Fiance" acting suspiciously and I believed he was pursuing some kind of relationship with another woman, even though he denied it, making me out to be paranoid and crazy.

I mentioned also he'd bought some jewellery for someone else, he claimed it was for his admin assistant, to say thanks for all her hard work, but I didn't believe him and have been suspicious of him for months.

Anyway he went off to Relate today to try to sort his head out and I went fishing for evidence. I found a password protected document on his computer, so purchased software to find it. I discovered it was a conversation he'd saved from Facebook, where he was very flirtatious and finally he has admitted the jewellery was for her.

To make matters worse, this admin assistant, also had conversations on there with him, where she was actively encouraging him to get involved with this other woman, who incidentally has just moved in with her boyfriend. This assistant actually told him not to marry me and advised him to delete the history of his conversations.

I cannot believe anyone would try to help destroy someone elses relationship, she doesn't even know me. As for my "Fiance" I am so disgusted with his pack of lies. I begged him to tell me the truth, but he just denied everything or ran away.

I've never been one to let men treat me badly and when similar things have happened in past relationships, I've never given second chances. Things are different, I'm pregnant, nowhere to go, no more money and I know I can't raise the baby alone. He was the one who wanted a baby and I cannot believe how he has treated me.

He was off buying another woman jewellery on the eve of my mum's funeral. He claims he is disgusted with himself and wants to make amends, I just feel I despise him.

[Velvetee]

Thanks firstly to Poltergeist. All I can say is I feel very sorry for your wife. You've openly admitted to cheating behind her back with prostitutes and ladyboys and seem to think it's ok. You've also stated how disappointed you are that she's carrying a male child.

I recall when your mother died in Sri Lanka, I offered my condolences and sympathy because I undestood what you were going through, but to accuse me of making up that my dear mother, died on Mothers Day really shows you up for what you are, which is a seriously damaged individual, who will end up poisoning your child's mind.

Thank you for your constructive advice Beanie, your suggestion does sound sensible, but I've never been able to "play the game" as my female friends would say. Everything is black and white to me. I understand he was frightened about becoming a father, I'm also worried about becoming a mother and never planned to have children, so it will be more of an upheaval for me than him. Perhaps there needs to be more support out there for expectant fathers.

Thanks also Schutz, I appreciate on a Saturday night, this site is full of drunks, who vent their frustration on other people. The world is full of unfortunate characters, I just prefer to ignore their inane drivel.

Pink, I would never give my child up for adoption, I would have been alot more careful not to fall pregnant, if I felt my relationship was going nowhere. Everything that has happened has come as a great shock to me, his family and friends, who would never have thought he would behave like this. It is completely out of character and perhaps it is purely down to him feeling neglected and left out.

I have to consider what to do now and if there's a future. He is trying to make amends, but I would have prefered him to have been honest weeks ago, when I first questioned him. This has just all come at the wrong time, when I'm 33 weeks pregnant and having

[lil75]

This man is an arse, and if I were you I would get shot of him and sharpish, I wouldnt want to hang around listening to more excuses n lies. You say you cant raise the baby alone...why? I was a single parent with 2 kids and im not going to tell you its easy as its not, BUT I would rather do it alone than live with the misery this man is causing you, your child will bring you a lot of joy and you will meet lots of new people (friends) through the child. I think its time to start concentrating on yourself and the baby, forget him, get him out of your life, you seem to have forgotten about yourself whilst searching for answers and evidence where this man is concerned. You are worth more than this...GET RID!!!!

[lil75]

He has put the seed of doubt firmly in your mind now...you will spend the next few years checking everything you can, going through his things etc...its not a life for anybody! x

[BRIZE]

velvetee.. get rid of him. he is not worth it and thats coming from a bloke. good luck

[sqad617]

I am so, so very sorry about your situation.

Forgive me if I have got my facts wrong, but you are of Caribbean origin from the Leicester area, having properties there that you have rented and moved down to London with your partner. We have all followed your pregnancy with interest and you have always had valuable posts in many areas of AB.

Many posts have contributed to adultery, infidelity, personal finance and even one on masturbation. During these valued discussions many posters have categorically said that their partnerships are secure and their partners would never go astray and I have questioned this on many occasions and have taken a load of �semi� verbal abuse.

I do not think that your pregnancy has anything to do with your situation and feel that your relationship was doomed several months ago and that the pregnancy would seem to be a good scapegoat.

What is happening to you, could happen to anybody����ANYBODY.

�When the going gets tough, the tough get going��.easy to say I know, but that is how I see it.

It�s going to get tougher Velve, but you will get through it�..most people do.

Single parents have given you good advice here and I hope that you take heed.

My mother had me out of wedlock at a time when the social stigma was intense but thankfully now, that is a thing of the past.

I have never met my father, but my mother brought up a son who became a surgeon��this could happen to you.

Good luck

[gossipgirl]

hi velvetee. You need to get rid of him, youve been looking for evidence and now youve got it, what more do you need? Its awful that your going thriough this as well as you still grieving for your mother. Being a single mother is not a bed of roses but there are worse off situations to be in {i know from experience}. Be strong and look after yourself and your baby, you will cope, you will manage, and you will be happy. Take care xxx
p.s. i think you know yourself that all the negetive comments and the abuse youve been getting are all from the same sad pathetic person, hes just using different names. Not mamy people care for his opinion so i wouldnt take much notice. Rise above it xxx

[ummmm]

Why on earth would Velvetee lie about such things?

[redcrx]

velvetee, there is apparently such a thing as PND in men, perhaps there is an antinatal depression too?
At least hes going to relate.
But if you cant face staying with him then move on.
I see no reason why you cant raise a child alone.

[Tups]

That poor baby doesn't need a no good father around. My daughter is a young, single mum, whose ex is a low life. She has grown so much stronger without him and actually enjoys her independence now. Leaving him was the making of her!

[zebra]

Sorry Velvette, but it seems you are more upset of the inconvenience of being a lone parent more than what he has done i.e having to lug the pushchair up the stairs....its a hardlife but millions manage and work and don't sponge, he is still a w*nker for what he did, but get over him and think about your child. And from the posts from people that know you, you sound in a better position than a lot of other dumped Moms.

Relate is usually for couples to try to sort things so how come he went by himself???

[Velvetee]

Thanks for your comments Goodbyegirl, but it is not my intention to be a single mother. Some women have the strength to cope, but as someone who never intended to have children and has lead an independent easy life over the years, the though of being a single mother fills me with dread.

I know he has not slept with this woman, but had I not been the tenacious character that I am and not gone with my instincts, then perhaps it would have. He appears to be very sorry and is trying hard to make amends and rebuild the lost trust. I appreciate what you are saying, but even though I am still hurt and feel betrayed, I think I owe it to myself and unborn child to try to rectify things with him.

We are both going to attend Relate, because I know in my own way, I am at fault too, as I have probably taken him for granted and been selfish in the sense, I haven't considered his feelings or needs. Unfortunately, he didn't feel he could tell me how he felt, so there's an obvious communication problem there.

He won't get another chance after this though. And who knows, things may not work out and we possibly could go our separate ways, but will see how things pan out and what he's like when the baby is born.

[mirela]

salute to you velvetee, such a strong woman. best luck for all your decision.
i still appreciated the advice you gave to me last year when i was struggling in my cr@p relationship, but people are right, im much stronger and happier than ever
hugs and kiss, best wish for the oncoming baby too