Narcissism?

[gillianh]

My partner tells me daily that I am lazy useless selfish nasty horrible. Yet I work full time I have three small children and my days are so full I am exhausted. I have not been shopping for at least a year yet he tells me I spend all the money! He has moments when he is so beautiful to be around and then bang. Our world continues to fall around our feet. Is this Narcissistic behaviour? He is angry with me because i didn't buy him a card but the children made one for his birthday. He posted a question on yahoo to ask opinions yet failed to fill in the blanks. Am I fooling myself with this one? I have been in a very stressful marriage and I fear the same mistake has been made?

[USALady]

Please consider yourself and your children. You do not deserve, no matter what, to be treated this way. Nor do your children deserve to be in this type of atmosphere. He obviously has no self esteem and gets off on making you feel bad. It's easier said than done, but I think you should get out and get yourself together mentally so you can be there for your children. You do not need a man to complete you. Find yourself, love yourself, nurture yourself.

[Barmaid]

I spent in excess of 15 years with a controlling man who treated me in a similar fashion. COme the end of the relationship, I was left with no confidence, no self esteem and was a shadow of the person I used to be. It took me a couple of years for me to pluck the courage up to leave him (let's face it, if someone tells you something that regularly you eventually start to believe it). I was working all hours doing a stressful full time job, running a part time organisation and studying law (that was my escapism, and he thought I needed it for work to keep bringing in the cash) while he sat on his ever widening ass.

I do not think you are fooling yourself, the way your post is phrased it seems to clear to me that YOU know who has the problem (and it ain't you). Never mind what it's called (apart from CAS - Chronic ******** Syndrome). You could try talking to him - he may be unaware he is doing it. Although my experience was "talking" would improve matters for a few weeks at best - at worst it would result in more character assassination. Has a mistake been made? I think you know the answer to that. However, just remember that that is not your fault, since you never really get to know a person until you live with them for a period of time.

If he is abusing you at that level on a regular basis, you really do need to think about planning your future. And that should be a future for you and the children without him.