I am so selfish

kitesurfer | 12:06 Fri 14th Nov 2008 | Body & Soul

15 Answers

whatever happens in my life i am so selfish. i feel pain and care for others but at the end of the day i am selfish idiot. The most annoying thing is that i do it more to people who care about me. i need this to stop. i have tried getting into buddhism but i am still the same. to strangers i would never want to hurt but people i know i just seem to not go out of my way even though i care. is this normal?

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ummmm

I'm emotionally detached. I do not have the ability to feel other peoples pain unless it's something that I understand ie....Humiliation.

kitesurfer

Question Author

u been humiliated a lot uuuuum? y? u seem quite stable?

Bbbananas

I wouldn't say it's abnormal. Most of us are selfish to some degree - it's human nature. You say you can feel pain and care for others, so you aint that bad.

Are you sure you're not just feeling sorry for yourself.
You are?
God, how selfish. ;-)

kitesurfer

Question Author

no i am not i just wish i felt the incline to go out of my way about the people that mean something in my life.

flobadob

You sound depressed.

Bbbananas

yeah - maybe I did come across as being a bit uncompassionate.

You do sound a bit depressed, sorry ;-(

kitesurfer

Question Author

is that such a bad thing though?

Bbbananas

What - being depressed? Well it's not exactly good is it? True clinical depression is absolutely awful, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

ummmm

I am completely stable. I just have a fear of being embarrassed or humiliated so feel sorry for people if that happens to them.

Other than that, if someone comes to me with a bad problem I say all the right words but rarely feel anything.

I do feel anger though.....

Octavius

You say you are selfish, but compared to what?

Are you more selfish than your perception of other people altruism? Or do you just think that society would view your actions/reactions as self-centred? Are you trying to implement a sense of guilt upon yourself for no reason other than your own perception of how you look or how society would view you?

What or who determines that you are selfish, or selfish beyond reason? Maybe you are being too hard on yourself.

flobadob

I don't really like to put myself out there as I'm a bit shy. That sometimes comes across as not wanting to help out and get involved. But sure what can ye do?

Octavius

That is my point flob �comes across as�. Is that in your view, or your view of other people�s view? If you didn�t want to be out there, is that you being selfish, other people getting the wrong idea, or just you thinking they might see it as selfish.

Rational selfishness is objectively good. Presuming you are not living by a narrow solipsistic attitude toward others, is there a point we should always be unselfish? Our lives revolve around objectivist ethics that define or benchmark our actions against a �code� of expected values.

I don�t like to put myself out there � rational self interest based on wants and needs
I�m a bit shy � rational assessment of �self�
That sometimes comes across as not wanting to help out - irrational and subjective
and get involved � what is the requirement to get involved? Is it because �everybody else does it�? Is it compulsory or just a self inflicted guilt complex?
But sure what can ye do � do you need to do anything? Who says? Who are you looking for justification from? Society? People who have burdened you with emotional guilt?

One thing you could grant yourself is integrity. Being concerned with one's own interests is defined as selfish. Life and happiness are the basis of one's interests, not mere whim or wish.