Wee Question For Ya

[weecalf]

If for reasons only known to your self you had come to dislike a certain person ,would you tell them or just go on disliking them , or say to them giving them a chance to redeem them selves in your eyes .Now I honestly am not in this position but if it did I’m not sure what I would do .

[Zacs-Master]

Depends entirely on what the dislike was caused by. A minor irritation (eating with their mouth open) or a major issue such as them being racist.

[rowanwitch]

I would hope I would address the issue in the earlier stages. if you are friends you should be able to say it makes you feel uncomfortable when they do/say x or y. if you can't then it may not be a relationship worth keeping. if someone consistently makes you feel angry or upset or just disappointed, and your expectations are not unreasonable just walk away, telling them it's not working for you any more.

[Sqad]

I am a vindictive person, cross me to the extent that I don't like you, then that is it for life.
No second chance.

[rowanwitch]

I will give most folk a second chance as we are human and make mistakes. I forgive easily but I don't forget and will add it to a second offence before stepping away. The exception is anyone who is cruel to the vulnerable, human or animal never a second chance there.

[jakep]

I’m the same Sqad but it’s not so much vindictive as self protection.

[Sqad]

jakep...-;)

[weecalf]

By mentioned it you could be making things worse ,can’t imagine how anyone being told that would be other than dismayed .So maybe in some other way addressing your dislike would be better . So trying to put it aside and waiting to be proved wrong . Only that might seem like you were feeling guilty for a understandable feeling against the person .

[Ken4155]

There used to be a group of us 'lads' who would get together on a Friday evening and 'hit the town'. One of them was a workmate of mine and we got along like a house on fire. For some unfathomable reason, though, his brother just did not like me. One night, before much alcohol had been imbibed, i asked him why and he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Because i don't." Not very helpful, therefore not much chance of me doing anything about it. I still see him from time to time and we pass like strangers.

[Khandro]

If you asked 'Dear Mary' in the Spectator she would invent some ingenious method by which you could point out the person's shortcomings (as you see them) by talking as if it was of another person.

[AuntPollyGrey]

No I would not say anything to them, what good would it do? Its not up to them to 'redeem' themselves for your pleasure -it's up to you to either accept that which has made you dislike them or walk away. If the person asks directly why you have ostracized them, then is the time to tell them why.
I have a 'gift' of being able to sus someone out pretty quickly, someone said I was an Empath, its a double edged sword. I try to balance this by giving the person a chance, but 100% of the time I'm proved right, sometimes in spite of the fact I don't want to be proved right. This was proved recently by a girlfriend of one of our nephews., a well to do popular Lad with his own business this girl was all over him, they were apparently soul mates, lovers and best friends. He has had a run of bad luck and she's seemingly disappeared of the face of the Earth -no longer wants to know him. I knew from the start she was a gold-digger but did not say anything to anyone what would have been the point?

[jennyjoan]

Well after many years of unwarranted visits and holidays to me with hubby and children - I just took a severe dislike to this person. I avoided her phone calls and emails for about 2-3 years but she wouldn't stop the contact - I could no longer stand it. I wrote an email and just told her that it was over. She is from here but ended in England. What annoyed me was I had hinted so much while she was here on holiday that I didn't want her there but she was so up herself, she ignored and why wouldn't she - a free week's holiday. Lovely house, showers, heat and food. (And she is a millionaire). Anyway after two brilliant years of her not coming - I couldn't believe her audacity when I received a birthday card on my last birthday. I'm wondering whether she'll ever take the hint. When I look down the years even when we were school friends I realised I never liked her but she ploughed on. She always unnerved me. Sorry for the long-winded post.

[rowanwitch]

Why would they be dismayed, if you were sensitive and used the 'I feel' approach you are inviting cooperation.

APG I know what you mean about that sense. I took to nothing my predictions and checking back, it was pretty consistent. The flip side of empathy is feeling the pain of the other person too it's a strange variant of social mirroring.

[AuntPollyGrey]

Rowan, yes the downside is you can get overwhelmed by other people's grief or negative energies, it got so bad I sought help from someone, who taught me to shield which I found very useful.

[burlyshirley]

I came to dislike a friend very much. I felt she wasn't supportive and used to have too many digs at me. After one too many digs, I ended the friendship which was not easy. However, she still sends me a card at Christmas and if I bump into her occasionally she is quite friendly, but I'm happy that I ended it for my own piece of mind.

[burlyshirley]

^^ 'peace'

[ummmm]

Like Zacs says...depends on the reason.

And like Sqad I rarely give second chances.