Arrgh

[queenofmean]

Wedding Planning...

I’m trying to find my feet with it.

But bridesmaids...I keep batting back and forth with fiancé’s (not used to saying that) sibling and whether to have her as a Bridesmaid. I don’t want to upset her or my new family by not, we get on very well. But in my mind I’ve chosen my Maid of honour and bridesmaids and bridesman (don’t ask).

What do I do...is there another role she could play? Do I just ask her anyways?

[Canary42]

I smell "All men are devious" in that remark, Anne. LOL

[anneasquith]

Hmmmmm, :’)

[MargoTester]

I like your ring Anne. I would ask her.

[queenofmean]

I can see why he said it Anne, anything to do with bridesmaids etc he wants to be my choice. But I do ask him as it does affect him too, he isn’t too fussed either way but, I’ve decided the best thing would be to ask. If she doesn’t want to then she can’t say I haven’t.

[spathiphyllum]

Is there not a role for her on the fiancé’s side of things? To me brides maids, are the females of the bride to walk their fellow woman down the aisle. They're commonly from the brides side of the friends and family.

That's just my thoughts though. It's ur day, not hers anyhow. Do what you want, if you CBA and don't care, then just make her one. Easier.

[MargoTester]

Oh dear I meant I like your ring Queenie - sorry x

[andy-hughes]

What everyone needs to know and accept from the day the wedding is decided is - there will be grief, it is unavoidable, it goes with the territory. Once you accept that, you can get on with the business of minimising the grief, which is the only option you have to work with.

The rule there is - it's the bride's and groom's day, and they should never agree to anything that is actually going to spoil the day for them.

Outside that, there are a million and one permutations of attendants and seating plans to be sorted out, but that rule must apply.

This is where the noble art of compromise comes in.

If the couple would rather not have a family member in a certain role, but it keeps the peace on the day, and in the future, they should roll with it. If it is going to spoil their day, the put their foot down.

That applies to anyone and everyoe who wants to have a say - whcih is anyone and everyone.

Keep your eyes on your own happiness, and accommodate as far as is feasible, but draw the line at spoiling your day to please anyone else.

[Cloverjo]

I think you should have the people you want to be bridesmaids/men. I wasn't bridesmaid or MofH for my sister, nor she for me. Neither of us were bothered.
Could she be usher or ring-bearer if people feel she must have a named role?

[queenofmean]

Thank you Margo, it was mums ring. I’ve always loved it. As a child I’d sit and stare at it for hours, I still do.
Spathi I’ve no idea, it would be best to just have her and that’s that really. I’m having a bridesman as my all time best friend is a man.
Andy - that’s my thoughts too. It’s our day it’s about us. I said to dad if they decided for example to put something towards paying for the day then they can have a say. But it’s our choice first and foremost.

[queenofmean]

Didn’t see you pop up Jo, she could be an usher if she didn’t want to be a maid. Ring bearer is going to be my friends wee boy. That was OH’s idea and I loved it so much I nearly cried. I feel he will be my competition on the day but he is adorable and he means the world to me.

[Georgiesmum]

I think you should ask her then she has a chance to say if she will do it or not. She may not want to but its nice to have the choice.

[MargoTester]

Ah, that makes the ring even more special. I didn't have an engagement ring the second time around but when my Mum died I had her ring made bigger for me and I treasure it

[queenofmean]

Thank you Georgiesmum. I’ll ask her when I see her next.

It is Margo, I know have a small piece of her to take with me where I go. I freak if I take it off.

[jw47]

My daughter didn.t want to be a bridesmaid at her sisters wedding so she was a witness to the signing of the register ,so therefore had a role in the ceremony

[queenofmean]

Thank you jw47, that’s an option to should she say no.