I Know I Sound Stupid But.....l

[Smowball]

This sounds ridiculous I know, but here goes.....
Mr Smow and I have been together 13 years, married for 10. But I have absolutely no knowledge of his finances, what he earns etc. I’ve raised the subject a couple of times but just gives really vague answers. He’s a brilliant husband, would do anything for me, but when it comes to money etc he gets really funny. For example he has been working from home for 3 months rather than contracting which is what he normally does so when I asked where the money was coming from I just kept getting fobbed off. Am I being silly??

[dannyk13]

Dunno, but in the fifty years I was married my wife never once asked what I earned.

[ummmm]

Surely if he's working from home he'll still be sending invoices out.

I don't know how much Ginge earns but I do have access to his accounts. I just chose not to look.

[goodgoalie]

How do you pay your mortgage, household bills and food, Smow? Do you have a joint account? This seems odd to me after such a long marriage! How did you pay for the other property I think I'm right in saying you own?
Take him away for the surprise birthday Eurostar break I recommended on your previous thread, and get him to open up......

[Sqad]

If he is "coy" with his money,then I wouldn't call him a brilliant husband, but I respect the fact that you would.

So, he has reason to hide his finances...causes may include. gambling, drugs or the most common, a mistress.

No, you are not being silly.

[Smowball]

I’m not wording it very well lol. He seems to have hidden pots of money. Tons of stuff he buys which doesn’t come out of our joint account yet when I (rarely) ask what it cost he just changes the subject.

[jno]

I and OH always knew what each other earned and there were always pay slips lying around the house (though I did try to put them away when guests were coming). Him refusing to tell you sounds really Victorian.

[hellywelly4]

Sorry, but your post worries me a bit. Does he try to control other things in your life? I don't want to be melodramatic but it could be that you're the victim of coercive control and this can happen without the partner realising it. As goodgoalie says - how do you pay your bills? Do you have separate bank accounts, well I suppose you must do. Do you have your own debit card and cheque book?

[MallyJ]

There is a trust issue here....if there is nothing to hide then why be so secretive...I have to say that I have a tendency to be suspicious if himself doesn't answer questions. Perhaps that is just me! I would wonder why he was keeping things from me and , perhaps more importantly, why? I hope that you can sort things out to your satisfaction beccause it is obviously beginning to bug you

[Calicogirl]

I know more or less what he's worth and what he earns Smow, and I'm an added signatory to one of his accounts and credit cards, plus we've just had some legal paperwork done which involves finances so we're both pretty transparent with one another, he knows my finances too. I think it's slightly odd but depends on the vibe of your relationship- does he for example know or ask what you earn? If you feel he's keeping something from you then you're not being silly x

[-SharonA-]

No you're not being silly. I think it is essential to know. Also there is the question of trust, doesn't he trust you??

[jno]

I should have added that all our money has always gone into a joint account and neither of us has ever monitored what the other one spent, but both know we could do so if we wanted. We've always had total financial trust in each other.

I'm kind of surprised that anyone does it any other way, though in our case we were both employees for life; I can see that people who are self-employed or whose income goes up and down might not want to worry a partner during a downturn.

[Smowball]

Ok, we have a joint account that he transfers a set amount every month. So do I. Every single bill comes out of this account. Food, everything. I have *** all in my own personal account lol, which is common knowledge. He doesn’t go out on his own, well less than a couple of times a year ..... yet even when he doesn’t have a contract and is home for a few months ((he will be upstairs in his office) the same amount of money will always be put into out account. When I ask where it’s come from he just gets really vague and says it’s good budgeting...

[ummmm]

The difference with us is any big purchase are purchased together so I know where our money is going. And he never questions when a load of Amazon packages turn up. He doesn't even ask me what they are.

[Prudie]

I don't think it's necessarily anything sinister, it was traditional for years for men not to tell their wives what they earn. It used to be the norm. Not so much these days - maybe he's the old-fashioned type or is mirroring the behaviour of his own father.
Having said that I'd be very uncomfortable if my husband was like that and would be a bit suspicious of what he was hiding.

[Smowball]

Again, I can order what ever I like from our joint account and he will never question it.

[ummmm]

jno - we don't have a joint account. It's just something we never bothered doing.

[Eleena]

Joint account here too. Both know what each other earns.

[jno]

I suppose the obvious answer is that he's actually kingpin in a major drugs-smuggling operation...

[jno]

...by which I meant Mr Smow, not Mr Ginge.

[Smowball]

Yes any big purchases ie new freezer, car, sofa etc we always discuss..... he’s just so so vague about his own money. I have absolutely no idea what he earns. What savings he has....