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Confused At 30 - Premature Midlife Crisis?
132 Answers
Aghhh! I am so annoyed this morning and I think I'm having either some kind of mental breakdown, or a premature midlife crisis. Or both.
As you know, I met a guy not so long ago, and he was a bit of a twit. I started warming to him though, and it appeared the feeling was mutual.
BUT, he just keeps on messing me around and it's really, really frustrating!
He say's he's gonna come round, then he doesn't. He says he's busy with his mates, but then pops round unexpected and always when it's totally not convenient. He never lets me know any of this. A simple text would be nice, but I don't ever hear anything until the next day.
He spends most of his time during the day at the gym, and works until late at night. He seems to have loads of time for his mates, and is always planning to do stuff with them over the weekend, and planning holidays, but when it comes to me it's a bit like 'whenever I've got 5 minutes to spare, or need somewhere to sleep'. He went through a stage of coming round at 4am, when he finished work, but I had to put a stop to that as it was making me really tired the next day and, unlike him, I have stuff to do and can't be laying in bed until midday. We had a bit of a row about it all, and he said I wasn't 'letting him in to my life', and that's why he spent so much time with his mates?! I wasn't being nasty, but I explained to him that I wasn't go to start playing happy families with someone I'd only just met. Anyway, we both came to the conclusion that it wasn't really going anywhere, but we would stay as friends - which suited me fine.
He offered to pick something up for me the other day, as it was on his way home, and popped round to drop it off. The conversation was really forced and he sent me a text after he left to say he felt awkward and wanted more than to be just friends. Aghhhh!
He rang me yesterday and asked if he could pop round and collect his trousers (other thread) to which I said I wouldn't have them until the morning. He said he'd come round anyway as he wanted to chat. I asked him to come round after 9, which he said was fine.
Anyway, I waited and waited and text him at 10 to ask if he was still coming. No reply. Totally fed up and annoyed, I went to bed at about half 11/12, and sent him a text to say so.
4 o'clock this morning my doorbell goes!! Not happy. He says there was trouble at work (what, all night!?) and that he didn't have a signal... which is highly unlikely. He ended up staying here, and then I asked him to leave about an hour ago as I have to go and pick the kids up in a bit and have stuff to do.
Well, that went down like a lead balloon. He said he'd come with me. I said no way blasé. Him and my ex coming face-to-face is not really something I'm ready to deal with just yet. He got dressed, went downstairs and just left without saying a word. I phoned him, no answer, so sent him a text to say I was sorry. Why am I apologising? I feel like I'm dealing with Kevin the teenager !
Quite therapeutic to have a good rant, but just wondering what the general feeling on this is.
Am I being horrible by 'not letting him in', or is he being unfair.
Either way, is it a case of 'flogging a dead horse'?
As you know, I met a guy not so long ago, and he was a bit of a twit. I started warming to him though, and it appeared the feeling was mutual.
BUT, he just keeps on messing me around and it's really, really frustrating!
He say's he's gonna come round, then he doesn't. He says he's busy with his mates, but then pops round unexpected and always when it's totally not convenient. He never lets me know any of this. A simple text would be nice, but I don't ever hear anything until the next day.
He spends most of his time during the day at the gym, and works until late at night. He seems to have loads of time for his mates, and is always planning to do stuff with them over the weekend, and planning holidays, but when it comes to me it's a bit like 'whenever I've got 5 minutes to spare, or need somewhere to sleep'. He went through a stage of coming round at 4am, when he finished work, but I had to put a stop to that as it was making me really tired the next day and, unlike him, I have stuff to do and can't be laying in bed until midday. We had a bit of a row about it all, and he said I wasn't 'letting him in to my life', and that's why he spent so much time with his mates?! I wasn't being nasty, but I explained to him that I wasn't go to start playing happy families with someone I'd only just met. Anyway, we both came to the conclusion that it wasn't really going anywhere, but we would stay as friends - which suited me fine.
He offered to pick something up for me the other day, as it was on his way home, and popped round to drop it off. The conversation was really forced and he sent me a text after he left to say he felt awkward and wanted more than to be just friends. Aghhhh!
He rang me yesterday and asked if he could pop round and collect his trousers (other thread) to which I said I wouldn't have them until the morning. He said he'd come round anyway as he wanted to chat. I asked him to come round after 9, which he said was fine.
Anyway, I waited and waited and text him at 10 to ask if he was still coming. No reply. Totally fed up and annoyed, I went to bed at about half 11/12, and sent him a text to say so.
4 o'clock this morning my doorbell goes!! Not happy. He says there was trouble at work (what, all night!?) and that he didn't have a signal... which is highly unlikely. He ended up staying here, and then I asked him to leave about an hour ago as I have to go and pick the kids up in a bit and have stuff to do.
Well, that went down like a lead balloon. He said he'd come with me. I said no way blasé. Him and my ex coming face-to-face is not really something I'm ready to deal with just yet. He got dressed, went downstairs and just left without saying a word. I phoned him, no answer, so sent him a text to say I was sorry. Why am I apologising? I feel like I'm dealing with Kevin the teenager !
Quite therapeutic to have a good rant, but just wondering what the general feeling on this is.
Am I being horrible by 'not letting him in', or is he being unfair.
Either way, is it a case of 'flogging a dead horse'?
Answers
Madmen, you disappoint me. I thought you had more sense than to give this bloke the time of day. Get rid of him, and quickly. As my old mother used to say, and now I have taken her place and am saying it, there's plenty more fish in the sea, girl, than ever came out of it.
23:41 Wed 13th Mar 2013
I've made him sound like a horrible person, which he's not.
He's just not very considerate and seems to think the world revolves around him.
When I said to him that 4am was WAY too late/early to turn up on my doorstep, he told me to "stop being a grumpy old woman". He laughed, and made out he was just having a laugh, but I think he also knew it would get to me.
He's just not very considerate and seems to think the world revolves around him.
When I said to him that 4am was WAY too late/early to turn up on my doorstep, he told me to "stop being a grumpy old woman". He laughed, and made out he was just having a laugh, but I think he also knew it would get to me.
I have a friend who thinks it is acceptable to phone me up at three in the morning as I start work at 2:30am. No, it's not acceptable, as when he phones me I AM AT WORK! Not only that, he is usually drunk when he phones me. Then on my days off, when I fancy sleeping in until, well...whatever time I fancy tbh, I get calls at 4 or 5am. I put my foot down yesterday when he phoned at 6 o'clock (even though I'd been awake for a couple of hours), and gave him times that he could phone me. He's still upset as his wife and his dad have passed away in recent months, I will always be there. But people need to know boundaries.
SJ, yeah, it is a bit like that.
If he says I'm being a grumpy old cow, then I tend to get on the defensive and feel like I have to prove I'm not. Hmm. It's easier to see it for what it is, when other people are giving their advice.
Talbot, well I still felt like a 'youngster', but he's totally taken the wind out of my sails now!
If he says I'm being a grumpy old cow, then I tend to get on the defensive and feel like I have to prove I'm not. Hmm. It's easier to see it for what it is, when other people are giving their advice.
Talbot, well I still felt like a 'youngster', but he's totally taken the wind out of my sails now!
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