Football fans up and down the country are bracing themselves for last minute transfer deadline day deals today.

[Philtaz]

Most of them hoping and praying they don't end up with Andy Carroll.

[weecalf]

the ab s have been signing in all day

[rowanwitch]

They are also playing hunt the Tevez... if you find him you can keep him... most of the searchers are watching the clock tick down so they can say phew we are too late oh dear never mind

[weecalf]

spurs might then they would have Carrol King .Nobody does it better Sorry hijacking Philtaz posting but does other teams have well know couples in their squad?

[Philtaz]

Andy Carroll and Fernando Torres!, the only 2 things liable to be up for sale longer than a DFS sofa.    

[The Builder]

I saw that one team has a player called Formica, but I think Stonecladding has yet to make an appearance.

[Philtaz]

Man City bosses arranged to meet Liverpool for the swap of Andy Carroll for Carlos Tevez just now.

Man City were shocked to see Carroll sitting in the car as they approached with their Pannini sticker.

[Philtaz]

Transfer Deadline Day....

...and the word is that Liverpool are after a few more right wingers...    

[The Builder]

............ rather like the Liberal Democrats..............

[Philtaz]

Due to Harry Redknapp's dyslexia,

Tottenham have put a bid in for Lady Gaga.

He'd read she was the new Maradona.

[Philtaz]

I'm not saying Liverpool are trying to sell Andy Carroll, but I've just seen him listed on Ebay.

[Goldspot]

Latest deadline day transfer news ... Harry Redknapp and Lee Hughes to Wormwood scrubs.

[Philtaz]

Latest transfer news:

Kieron Dyer is having a medical at Holby City.