Connections 321 - Sat 27 April
Quizzes & Puzzles0 min ago
anyone here a Jehovah's Witness??
39 Answers
My question really is split between Religion & Relationships. My boyfriends parents are Jehovahs Witnesses, and he says that he needs to find the right time to tell them about me. We have been together for over 2 months and he had already met my parents. I am not religious and my boyfriend is no longer a Jehovahs Witness. Is the fact that his parents religious the real reason he has not told them?? Is it really a big deal for his parents to find out about me?? Any help on this subject would be appreciated. thanks :)
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I have a friend who is an ex-JW.
Yes, it's almost certainly why he's not told them. In fact it's remarkable that he's still talking to his parents if he's no longer a JW and they are.
I don't think they're supposed to mix with people outside the faith.
Their religion is likely a huge deal for them - not like just being a Catholic or Muslim.
If they've been harbouring ambitions that he might come back, his finding a serious girlfriend outside of the faith may be a big disappointment to them.
Your going to need to be very understanding.
Yes, it's almost certainly why he's not told them. In fact it's remarkable that he's still talking to his parents if he's no longer a JW and they are.
I don't think they're supposed to mix with people outside the faith.
Their religion is likely a huge deal for them - not like just being a Catholic or Muslim.
If they've been harbouring ambitions that he might come back, his finding a serious girlfriend outside of the faith may be a big disappointment to them.
Your going to need to be very understanding.
Religion is probably the reason he has a problem telling them about you, and if that's the case, then it will be just as big a deal for his parents as it would be for very devout Catholic, Muslim, or Jewish parents. I've known Jehovah's Witnesses who mix with their non-religious relations at family celebrations, etc, but when it comes to relationships between their children and an 'outsider' it's an entirely different matter. In fact one Jewish friend of mine was, in effect, forced to give up her Catholic boyfriend because her father was quite prepared to disown her and never allow her to see any of her family again. I think your boyfriend is going to have to be very determined. Good luck. x
I agree with jake I always thought if they left the faith they were usually disowned.
How logn ago did he leave? If it is a short time maybe they think he will go back and if that is the only life he knows maybe he will.
You will need a lot of patience - slowly slowly wins the race - comes to mind.
Good luck
How logn ago did he leave? If it is a short time maybe they think he will go back and if that is the only life he knows maybe he will.
You will need a lot of patience - slowly slowly wins the race - comes to mind.
Good luck
Jake is absolutely right.
Anybody who might think that Muslims are somewhat over fervent when it comes to their religion should take a long hard look at the JWs. Theirs is a perfect example of how religion not only shapes the lives of its followers to an alarming degree, but also attempts to shape the lives of anybody who comes into contact with them (i.e. you).
DSnewsKE also offers a valid warning. Dissent is not tolerated, �outsiders� are not welcome and I would be very surprised if your boyfriend is �no longer a Jehovas Witness�. It is just not that simple.
Anybody who might think that Muslims are somewhat over fervent when it comes to their religion should take a long hard look at the JWs. Theirs is a perfect example of how religion not only shapes the lives of its followers to an alarming degree, but also attempts to shape the lives of anybody who comes into contact with them (i.e. you).
DSnewsKE also offers a valid warning. Dissent is not tolerated, �outsiders� are not welcome and I would be very surprised if your boyfriend is �no longer a Jehovas Witness�. It is just not that simple.
Thanks for all your answers.
He left the faith about a year ago now as he felt that while being a JW he was not following the right path (i.e no sex b4 marriage etc)
He says his parents are cool and from what I gather he has told them about past relationships that he has had.
He said they will be fine with it, however he will:
1)tell them we have only just met (don't know why)
2)Make them believe we are having a non-sexual relationship.
He says he will tell them, and if they are so cool as he makes out then whats the problem??
I am trying to be patient and understanding, but I'm beginning to think that he's either ashamed of me or he's just not sure about our relatioship enought yet to tell them.
He says thats not true and he will tell them, he's just waiying for the right opportunity. Thing is he has had so many chances and they still don't know.
He is respecting their religion, so why can't they respect his non-religion??
He left the faith about a year ago now as he felt that while being a JW he was not following the right path (i.e no sex b4 marriage etc)
He says his parents are cool and from what I gather he has told them about past relationships that he has had.
He said they will be fine with it, however he will:
1)tell them we have only just met (don't know why)
2)Make them believe we are having a non-sexual relationship.
He says he will tell them, and if they are so cool as he makes out then whats the problem??
I am trying to be patient and understanding, but I'm beginning to think that he's either ashamed of me or he's just not sure about our relatioship enought yet to tell them.
He says thats not true and he will tell them, he's just waiying for the right opportunity. Thing is he has had so many chances and they still don't know.
He is respecting their religion, so why can't they respect his non-religion??
I really try and talk about his family and thier religion as I am interested in them and want him to know that i do really care, but he's never that keen to talk about them and will always chnage the subject.
the only time I can talk about these things is when he has been drinking, then he seems to chatter away except the next day he can't remember what he has said.
Also what I find very strange is that he says when he does tell them and if I come and stay over their house (as they don't live near us) that we will have to sleep in seperate rooms which I'm totally fine with. But he says it won't be a problem me sneaking into his room.
To me that is totally disrespecting his parents and there is no way I could do that. That would totally ruin it all if we got caught.
the only time I can talk about these things is when he has been drinking, then he seems to chatter away except the next day he can't remember what he has said.
Also what I find very strange is that he says when he does tell them and if I come and stay over their house (as they don't live near us) that we will have to sleep in seperate rooms which I'm totally fine with. But he says it won't be a problem me sneaking into his room.
To me that is totally disrespecting his parents and there is no way I could do that. That would totally ruin it all if we got caught.
Jake's right. It is a very daunting prospect for him, but if they do agree to allow you to stay over, sneaking around at night is not a good idea. Maybe he's rebelling against his parents' religion, but going against their wishes in their own home will only alienate them more. How old are you Sasha?
JWs believe that Satan is a real power on Earth and that anybody who leaves the organisation is "apostate" and part of that Satanic force.
That's why people leaving often leave everybody including familly behind.
He doubtlessly left a lot of friends and familly behind when he did this. Imagine never talking to any of your friends again and only your closest familly ( probably in secret ).
This was doubtlessly very painful for him and talking about it probably brings back the pain.
We men often like to lock our painful memories away - I wouldn't press the issue.
I agree about the sneaking into rooms. This isn't a normal situation it could be the straw that permanently breaks him from them - maybe subconciously he wants that, but you don't want to be part of that - it's could be something he comes (however unreasonably) to blame you for later.
Just be cool, even if they're distant or even hostile. Don't take it personally, support him but let him fight any battles himself - it's not about you it's about him and them. And whatever you do don't get drawn into familly politics
That's why people leaving often leave everybody including familly behind.
He doubtlessly left a lot of friends and familly behind when he did this. Imagine never talking to any of your friends again and only your closest familly ( probably in secret ).
This was doubtlessly very painful for him and talking about it probably brings back the pain.
We men often like to lock our painful memories away - I wouldn't press the issue.
I agree about the sneaking into rooms. This isn't a normal situation it could be the straw that permanently breaks him from them - maybe subconciously he wants that, but you don't want to be part of that - it's could be something he comes (however unreasonably) to blame you for later.
Just be cool, even if they're distant or even hostile. Don't take it personally, support him but let him fight any battles himself - it's not about you it's about him and them. And whatever you do don't get drawn into familly politics
Lol getting caught is one thing, this is quite another
I'm 24 and my b-friend is 6 years older then me.
He see's his parents everyweek but they never seem to talk about anything. don't see why he goes round there.
his brothers also left the faith and they still talk to their parents. one lives at home, the other with his girl friend.
I know that i can't begin to understand what it must be like for him, but if his parents have known about past girlfriends then why am I any different??
I'm 24 and my b-friend is 6 years older then me.
He see's his parents everyweek but they never seem to talk about anything. don't see why he goes round there.
his brothers also left the faith and they still talk to their parents. one lives at home, the other with his girl friend.
I know that i can't begin to understand what it must be like for him, but if his parents have known about past girlfriends then why am I any different??
