Mummy 2 b 4 2nd time

[Mish-Elle]

Hi, Im 21 and pregnant with my second child and im 20weeks gone. Hes due on the 29th October 09. My First child is only 6,1/2months old and she will just turn 1 when second baby is a month old. My friends and family say its guna be like having twins and im worried i wont be able to cope. My first child is quite demanding screams for every bit of attention n i find it hard to say no to her every needs, she constantly wants to be with me (mummy, mummy all the time). which i know is my own fault and im slowly but surely teaching myself n her that the answer isnt always yes. Im worrried that this wont be fixed before baby boy is born and she'll get worse knowing that all my attentions on the new arrivel. Anyone gone through simalier situation? and any suggestions to help me juggle to young children, a friend told me it gets easier with the second is this true? help!!

[Beauj]

Yes Mish-Elle, your friend is right. You have learned a great deal so far and you don't even know it yet love! Nearer to when baby is due, talk to your daughter about it all the time and tell her how she will be Mummy's wee helper, I know that she will only be one, but she will still understand. When the new baby comes, and needs feeding or attending to, make sure your little girl has a doll so that she can do the same with it as Mummy is doing with baby. She will settle down very soon. Look on the postitive, the two will more or less have the same routine and you will be able to get them off to bed at the same time and find time for yourself in the evenings - also during their afternoon nap. I think there are more postivies to having the childern so close in age than there are negatives. You will find that after a few weeks, 'nobody' else will be allowed to touch Her wee brother - big sister will soon kick in.

[annie0000]

Hi Mich-elle, I have two boys 13 months apart. so I have some idea of what you are likely to go through. Firstly, people who say that it is like having twins are wrong - it is both better and worse than that - we have a lot of twins in my family so I do know the difference. I wont lie, it will be hard work, but you are young, and you will cope perfectly fine. i was lucky in that it was my first that was a really chilled baby, whereas it sounds like you will probably get that with your second - you don't seem to get two alike!

My advise would be to get your daughter into a good routine now - she is only 6 months old, and she does need her mummy, that's to be expected and when the new one comes along she will still be 11 months old and need her mummy - she is unlikely to be a help to you at that age - she will probably not even be walking yet. You will have two babies - a big one and little one.

Your main aim will be to keep them safe, secondly to keep them fed, clean and warm, everything else will fall into place after that.

I can tell you now that your house will be a tip, you will have bad days, but the good days massively outweigh all that and as they grow your children will bring you so much joy.

I still remember when my two started to communicate with each other as people - it was so magical.

They will grow up together and you move through the stages so quickly, before long, they are both out of nappies, they have a playmate always available and they learn from each other.

You will realise that everything doesn't need to be perfect with your second and what is important and what isn't.

The thing to remember, is that babies don't die from crying - they can and do learn to wait!

[Mish-Elle]

Thanks both of u for ur input its help me alot. i just feel like im struggleing as it is n im hoping to god my next one is chilled out. My first was brilliant at first but because iv made the mistake of picking her put every time she crys shes becum hard, and screams the house down if i dont go to her straight away aspecailly if she watches me walk away from her she kicks off. i struggle to find time for the cleanin n sum me time. Im slowly learnin that my home is no longer tidy for no longer than 10minutes n thats without her crawling about yet! Im also struggling with the bed time routine, it doesnt matter wot time i put her to bed she wakes up at 2 in the mornin for a drink then off again n wakes up at 6 oclock every mornin, i wudnt mind if i wasnt feeling so tired, i thought weaning her wud make her sleep better but it hasnt is ther any suggestionsabout her stayin asleep till 6? xxx

[Beauj]

Hi Mish-Elle, don't think that there is an exact science to getting them to sleep right through, but have you tried increasing her formula dosage before putting her to bed? I know that some babies will only take so much and that's it, whereas others will sleep longer with a fuller tummy. Do you lift her for the 2 am feed or give her the bottle while she is still in the cot? And, will she only go back to sleep after a bottle or do you think maybe she just needs or wants the attention?

[annie0000]

Waking once in the night and at 6am every morning is perfectly normal - not that desirable, but normal! There are loads of babies that sleep through til 7 or 8am, but despite what people would have you know, your situation is probably closer to the average. Will she only go back to sleep with a drink in the night? if you stroke her will she resettle without it? Maybe give her a drink of cooled boiled water during the night and no attention and she will be less inclined to wake for the treat.

My two always woke at about 6 - at 8 and 7, they are not that different now, but in general, they went to bed about 7/7.30 so I would go to bed early and rise early. They would however go back for an hour most days after a bottle and nappy change.

Do you have a partner who can help or are you on your own?

Being pregnant and having a small baby to care for at the same time will be exhausting, again that is normal - don't concern yourself too much with the fact that you fall behind in the housework, keep the kitchen and loo clean and don't worry too much about the rest.

Take help when you can and try to enjoy your little one on her own while she is your only one. If she started of a chilled baby, she can be again, but she will be feeding off your stress, try to chill out yourself a bit and hopefully she will follow suit.

A good walk in the fresh air will do her the power of good before supper and bed - that might just send her off for the whole night.

[Mish-Elle]

Hi, Ok well maybe im just worrying to much about been perfect, i just want to make my life a little easier if possible. She wakes and i just prosume its coz she wants her bottle put bak in her mouth, yeh i keep her in her cot at this time. iv noticed as soon as its put in her mouth shes settled again and other times wen iv not rushed to put the bottle in her mouth maybe coz its down stairs she keeps screaming so ill try the cooled boiled water that sounds like its guna work coz it seems its for the nitely treat! And i supose i cud cut down on the cleanin coz i put her to bed at 8-9 and cleanin starts then n i cud still be cleanin at 10:30pm so wen finished i hav a bath or watch my soaps iv recorded n chill out with a book by then its 12pm. Partner works nites so he will ring me at 1 on fone for half an hour then shes up at 2 so then i go to sleep. so i guess my problems are my own doing and need to kick them in the bud. And ill also start talking her out abit more thats another thing i dont do. Iv not long lived in this area so dont know my way round so dont get to go out much so a stroll around will do us both good lol. thanks loads for ur input. xx

[lozzylou]

hi i just wanted to say it does get a little easier in time. i am 25 and have 2 boys just 10 months apart, when my second was born my 1st wasnt even crawling never mind walking. it was hard at first, haveing to share my time, making sure the older one didnt feel left out etc etc.
you do learn to get yourself in to a routine, you have no choice.

as for your daughter, my eldest was quite a clingy child and when i found out i was pregnant i had to change things, i started mother and toddler groups and got him mixing with other children. i would leave him for short times once a week. ie leave him with my mom for half hour while i went for a bath then i would leave the house n go shops and eventually i could leave him for a day. he did dcream at first but as soon as he knew i wasnt coming back just yet he would get on with things with nanny. this might be something to try

good luck x

[Mish-Elle]

hey iv noticed a differance already with sleeping. iv started giving her more milk before bed n makimng sure she finishes it n she still wakes at 2 but trying the boiled water she seems to sleep longer n doesnt seems stressed out in a mornin. hopfully now she'll not bother waking thru the nite thanks guys xx

[annie0000]

Fantastic - stick with it and think positive Xx