For David Smail - Writing

naomi24 | 09:07 Mon 18th Sep 2023 | ChatterBank

25 Answers

After you said elsewhere that you write I asked what you're interested in writing but I don't think you saw the question. So... but only if you don't mind saying... what do you write?

Any other writers or budding writers around here and if so, what's your poison - so to speak?

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choux

naomi, I think his name is david small, so keep an eye open for him on other threads :)

Ken4155

Naomi, i write a lot of poetry, some short stories and have penned (and typewritten!!!) a novel of over 100,000 words. Nothing profound, just a revenge story based around football violence.

I hve, back in the day, submitted sections of the book to about 4 or 5 publishers, alas to no avail. I admire Stephen King for his patience, confidence and perseverence in submiiting his first novel over a dozen times (and well worth the wait), but i possess none of those qualities and i believe, should i ever wish to see my work in print, i will have to find both the time (and the willpower to re-type it all again on the correct format) to have it published through Kindle - which, of course is akin to 'vanity publishing'. At least, imho.

I may get around to doing just that once i've mastered both the acoustic and electric guitars🎸

david small

Hello naomi24. I've just seen your post. To reply.

I write about observational experiences, restaurants and travel anecdotes, embellished with humour, pointing out the vagaries and idiosyncrasies that inevitably occur. short stories, often with a surreal and intended amusing perspective. I write to entertain, and to amuse friends and family.

I do not always succeed:-)

andy-hughes

I 'scratch around for pennies' as a freelance music journalist, but you already know that.

david small

An example naomi24. Not to everyone's taste I know. It includes a couple of private references.

The Haunting of Chalet 49.

It was a strange case indeed, mused private investigator Steve Glandular. Stroking his ample chins thoughtfully. Whatever was happening, smacked of the paranormal, either that, or a cunning, and clever opponent…..or opponent’s were indulging in a free vacation.

Let me elucidate, or even explain.

This is an average holiday chalet rental site, consisting of about two hundred occupied and unoccupied chalets. It was enjoying a wet and windy summer on the South coast of England. Except that one of these holiday lettings wasn’t behaving as is usual in the circumstances.

Chalet 49, looked the same as all the other one hundred and ninety nine breeze block, and casually rendered rentals. Except that it was rumoured by a strange and snivelling gardener to be haunted. Weird noises, as if of suppressed giggles were heard, the chink of glasses often rang out around midnight. There was also a strong odour of wine lurking` each morning. I was reliably informed by a passing alcoholic that it was Prosecco. There was also the scent of expensive perfume lingering upon the wallpaper. Yet, nothing nor anyone was ever seen. Neither by the old blind couple that rented next door, nor by the special needs family that kept wondering around the site looking for a bus stop.

The sites owner a Mr Stroke’me assured me that chalet number 49 was not being rented out because the leaseholders, a couple of Nigerian pocket pickers had disappeared up the Mekong Delta with several bundles of pockets in their possession.

So what in blaze’s was going on?

I decided to stake out the place, surreptitiously, I secretly secreted myself securely in an oversized deck chair that I covered over in a rather fetid tarpaulin….

I would wait until the chinks at midnight!!!.

Unfortunately, I fell asleep. I awoke around 2am, fell asleep again until 4.30 when I was woken by the smell of toast. I immediately shed my disguise, including the blonde wig and golden monocle that was a family inheritance. This was now time for disclosure…..

A fine looking couple looked at me rather bemused, as I opened the chalet door….without knocking. Yes, can I help you? said a rather striking lady, striking me with a baguette. ‘Glass of wine old bean’? said the man with a cheeky grin and a worldly expression. Mistaking the grin for a sneer, I sneered back and fell over the carpet.

It transpired that a Mr and Mrs Pearshape, for it was they, had purchased number 49 from an auction site on the internet. It was all bona fide as the Romans used to say.

We met as strangers, we parted strangely. Bill, for it was he, had insisted that I measured his waistline. I did, we hugged, he said he would write. Jean, for twas her looked rather aloof, but it turned out she was watching a pigeon. She was charming, erudite, but her elegance masked, In my opinion a certain disdain for the lower orders of humanity, or even to humanity in general.

To which I heartily concur. Happy travels.

naomi24

Question Author

Choux, slip of the finger. That's what I get for multi-tasking again. Sorry David.

Ken, In these days of the internet getting published is not as difficult as it once was - practically anyone can do it - and apart from that, self-publishing is no longer considered the 'vanity' it once was. Budding authors used to chuck thousands of pounds away in pursuit of success - and end up with a dozen books with their name on in a pile on their bedroom floor - and none on the shelves of W H Smith. But times have changed and quite a few who self-publish on the internet now meet with success so it's worth a go. No need to ask why people like Richard Osman - a terrible writer in my opinion, who writes as though he's about ten years old - so easily find success. It's not because he's a literary genius but he is a 'celebrity' and therefore publishers know his books will sell. I seem to recall that Leslie Thomas submitted his first book to over 70 publishers before it was finally accepted - and look how that turned out. Not only a thumping best seller that became what I consider a 'classic', but the basis of a hugely successful movie too. Likewise J K Rowling sent her first Harry Potter to multiple publishers before she succeeded - and boy! How she succeeded! There are a lot of publishers out there kicking themselves now!

Oops. I'm getting carried away. Moving on …..

David, that's very funny! I love your use of language. 'I secretly secreted myself securely…' really made me laugh. And I love the alcoholic sommelier. Some great ideas there. Perhaps you should consider going for it on-line, After all, you never know who's reading. ;o)

choux

I forgive you, naomi ;)

Glad I noticed and got it back in latest posts for you.

naomi24

Question Author

Thanks choux.

david small

Thank you for the charming critique naomi24.

Now I most definitely have a crush on you:-)

andy-hughes

Oh dear....

naomi24

Question Author

Oooo ... you are a one, David - but I like you. ;o)

gulliver1

Answer Removed.

choux

You brought to mind Alf Wight's literary success, naomi. He had to bombard publishers and in the end decided to change his style of writing - good decision - and sold some 60m books.

Add to that 2 tv series and films - not bad for a country-side vet. I am surprised though that it took an American publisher to really put the wind in his sails as an author.

James Herriot - Wikipedia

naomi24

Question Author

Thanks, choux. I didn't know that.

choux

I remember Alf being interviewed when the tv programme started, he was a very shy man, nicely unassuming.