'Tis the season to be jolly.......!!

[flirty41]

Come on then! Let's hear your naffest Christmas cracker jokes! Here's 2 I read today: Where do sheep go to get their wool cut? To the baa baas!!!! What's big, hairy and flies? King Kongcorde!!!! Can you do better (or should that be worse?)?!

[Cactus]

Buddha goes up to the hot-dog stand and says to the chef - "Make me one with everything." (Think about it)

[bluedolphin]

Why do elephants have Big Ears? Cos Noddy won't pay the ransom !

[ravenhair]

This isn't a Christmas cracker joke but I read it yesterday and it made me laugh. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? ... Put it in the oven until its bill withers.

[sft42]

What comes round once a year, hugely increases the suicide rate, turns kids into uncontrollable bratty monsters, destroys families with gigantic credit card bills and social pressure, and basically ruins the last part of the year????? Answers on a sealed to envelope to Mr. S. Claus telling him to stay at home this year!

[xyzzyplugh]

Shakespeare goes into a pub, landlord says, 'Get out, yer bard.'

[Dsg]

The definition of frustration according to Mrs Claus: "What use is a man that only comes once a year - and then it's in your stocking !!"

[Andromeda]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

What stands in the middle of Paris and wobbles? The Trifle Rower

Doctor Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.

Then pull yourself together.

Andy

[Andromeda]

Sorry that should have been:

What stands in the middle of Paris and wobbles? The Trifle Tower

Bad spelling I'm afraid!

Andy

[Cactus]

What, no more jokes? Here's one. It's 2:45pm on a Saturday in the home changing room at Old Trafford. Roy Keane approaches Sir Alex and says "Gaffer, i'm not playing unless i get a cortisone injection." David Beckham stands up and says "Hold on, if he's getting a new car then so am i!" - (i'll get me coat)

[flirty41]

Ha ha ha! Good one Cactus!! (But is that really a Christmas cracker joke - it's too good!) Here's another couple: Why was the Egyptian girl worried? Because her Daddy was a Mummy! Which is the strongest, scariest fish in the sea? The Codfather! (I'll get me coat too - where shall we go!!!) :-)

[colandsuey]

Patient - "Doctor, doctor, I can't say my Fs, Ts and Hs." Doctor - "Well you can't say fairer than that then."

[Cactus]

You've rumbled me flirty41- that wasn't out of a cracker, it was out of an email somebody sent me! You see, the problem is it's not actually Christmas day yet - so i haven't pulled any crackers to be able to read the jokes! (i suppose i could try dismantling them carefully, memorising the jokes and then reassembling them again) I've got another David Beckham one actually, but it's a bit longer than the last one and would hog too much space!

[flirty41]

OK Cactus! Save up all your cracker jokes and post them after Christmas - we might all need cheering up once the festivities are over! (I think I've just got your Buddha one, by the way!!! Deep!!) Good old TW saves the day with his corny one-liners! (Merry Christmas to you too! xx) And to everyone else!!