Irish Inventions...

[Jemisa]

What is the latest Irish invention ?
A solar power touch.

What is the latest Irish invention ?
A parachute that opens on impact.

What is the latest Irish invention ?
The biggest microchip in the world.

What is the latest Irish invention ?
A helicopter with an eject seat.

What is the latest Irish invention ?
A cement life jacket.

What is the latest Irish invention ?
A spacesuit with air holes in.

Whats the latest Irish sales deal ?
A bungi jump - no strings attached.

Did you see that sign in that irish shop's window ?
It read: WANTED ; Boy to trace gas leaks by candle light,
must be willing to travel.

[abstibus]

Portable defibrillator
How many people owe their lives to this?
http://www.patents.com/us-4023573.html

[whiskeryron]

There are of course lots of Irish jokes which let me tell you the Irish laugh at as well. I think the truth is that a lot of it is down to the way they look at things. This is a true story, we used to have '' Clippies'' on the buses in Birmingham many years ago to collect the fares & my brother was waiting for a bus when two drew up together, he went to get on the first bus & the Irish Clippie said to him '' The bus behind is the one in front''. You can't get any more Irish than that.

Ron.

[glasman]

Did you hear about the Englishman who thought cunnilingus was an Irish airline hostess?

[ichkeria]

What's the latest English invention?

[marval]

Good one JeM

Two Irish ladies talking

'Hello, Mary, how's your new false teeth?' asked Bridget.

I'm leaving them out till I get used to them!' said Mary.

[Razzle2011]

Jem...that when down like a fart in a spacesuit....also an Irish invention...LOLO

[emmie]

ick not all latest, but you can't have everything

http://en.wikipedia.o...ry:English_inventions

[JonnyBoy12]

Very, very funny. The second one was the best.

What is a solar powered touch, by the way?

[trionam]

In Ireland Ive always heard them as kerrymen jokes!
A Kerryman went to insure his car and paid €20 to have it insured against fire.
"For €10 more sir", said the agent, "you can insure it against theft also".
"That would be a waste of money", said the Kerryman, "who would want to steal a
burning car?"

Did you hear about the Kerryman who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

[marval]

Some Kerry Inventions

(i) A Kerry baker once invented a new kind of yeast that made bread so light that a pound of it weighed only twelve ounces.
(ii) A Kerry doctor invented a cure for which there was no known disease.
(iii) A Kerry scientist invented the world's strongest glue. The only trouble was, he couldn't get the top off the bottle.
(iv) Another Kerryman invented a new pill which was a certain cure for loss of memory. Unfortunately he could never remember what it was for.

[emmie]

from an Irish friend,

Irish Medical Dictionary
The Irish have the lowest stress rate
because they do not take medical terminology seriously ...
Medical Term

Irish Definition
Artery
The study of paintings

Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria

Barium
What doctors do when patients die

Benign
What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section
A neighbourhood in Rome

Cat scan
Searching for Kitty

Cauterize
Made eye contact with her

Colic
A sheep dog

Coma
A punctuation mark

Dilate
To live long

Enema
Not a friend

Fester
Quicker than someone else

Fibula
A small lie

Impotent
Distinguished, well known

Labour Pain
Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff
A Doctor's cane

Morbid
A higher offer

Nitrates
Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days

Node
I knew it

Outpatient
A person who has fainted

Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative
A letter carrier

Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery

Rectum
Nearly killed him

Secretion
Hiding something

Seizure
Roman Emperor

Tablet
A small table

Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airport

Tumour
One plus one more

Urine
Opposite of you're out

[marval]

lol em

[emmie]

marvel, must admit they made me laugh.

[Rapunzel61]

Must be that septic hole in the head you've got, or as you keep telling us, your need to wee a lot, but goodness do you's ever lighten up mrs? I'm Irish on my father's side, Cork men tell jokes about Kerry men, if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at?

[emmie]

weren't there Irish landowners too, sorry i forget. Going on a number of geneaology sites i have looked at, both sides of my family came from Ireland some time ago, so i have no idea if they were turfed out, and came to England as a result, or came because England offered work, i doubt if they were landed gentry.

[pjgriffo]

What is the latest Pakistani invention?

[NOX]

Corner shops- to stop the Romans building straight roads:)