I Havnt Been The Best Role Model

[nailit]

My sons girlfriend has been over for a few days. Earlier on they went out for a walk and then she came back on her own. She was browned off as my son had decided to go off with a 'friend' to score some weed. He's now back and cant see that he has done anything wrong by leaving her for half an hour while he gets some drugs. She getting a lift back home in an hour and wanted to spend that time with him, meanwhile hes trying to justify that it was only half an hour away and he wasn't going to smoke it while she was here anyway.

Funny how I can see the faults of others...like my son...when Ive been guilty of putting my own addictions before others but always managed to justify it somehow.
I hope to God that he doesn't start taking after me. Always told him to learn from my mistakes so he doesn't have to make his own so often.

Ah well, que sera sera eh?

[NoMercy]

The trouble is, as a counsellor told me last year, a child is a blank canvas. If they learn something from you early on it's very difficult for them to abandon that behaviour because it was there from as far back as they can remember and oftentimes they're too old ever give up that habit / behaviour completely.

[kvalidir]

I think that's true NoM because I see the difference in my older brothers who were around my Dad at his most volatile, to me who can also be quite volatile but nowhere near as much as they are to my Dad's new family where the littlies are the most delicious placid little things going, and over the years my Dad has worked very hard to get a handle on himself and his issues and has calmed steadily throughout the years.

[bednobs]

I think that ship has sailed nailit

[nailit]

//If they learn something from you early on it's very difficult for them to abandon that behaviour because it was there from as far back as they can remember//

//I think that ship has sailed nailit//

Oddly enough though, my better qualities seem to have evaded him.
For several years I struggled to bring my son up as a single parent. During that time I worked my knackers off and when not working, I did voluntary work.
Why is it only the 'negative' qualities that seem to stick to a parent who, despite wrestling their own demons, love their offspring more than life?

I suffered as a child from some very negative behaviours from my father but I never put the blame on him for my own faults.

[NoMercy]

Behaviours, addictions, etc... they can become deeply embedded if ingrained early on and allowed to flourish.

If you are going to help him overcome this you are going to have to lead by example and have unbelievable persistence, strength and resilience. You might both fare better if you try to crack your demons together, and make a pact whereby one does not let the other falter.

I do wish you, as ever, all the best.

[ummmm]

Where's his mother?

[-Talbot-]

The trouble is, as a counsellor told me last year, a child is a blank canvas. If they learn something from you early on it's very difficult for them to abandon that behaviour because it was there from as far back as they can remember and oftentimes they're too old ever give up that habit / behaviour completely.




Oh crap, you mean my kids will always be sarcastic...like their mother?

[nailit]

//Where's his mother? //
Not around very much....

[nailit]

I do take Umbridge at phrases like
//I think that ship has sailed nailit//
without knowing the full picture!
I do get sick of being judged by people that have never walked in my shoes.

[rowanwitch]

Not as you would be if life let us rewind and try again. But you can still be an example, you can show there is a way forward, and when he is ready hopefully he can follow. He needs you, he just doesn't know it yet.

[ummmm]

Is he job hunting yet?

[jackthehat]

If you can't be a good example........be a terrible warning!!

[nailit]

//He needs you, he just doesn't know it yet//
Hope that theres an element to that Rowan.
Hope that ur ok Rowan? Havnt said to much on here but hope that ur coping all right??

[nailit]

//Is he job hunting yet? //
On and off Ummmm.

[kvalidir]

My Dad had some addiction problems, personality flaws, anger management issues etc but I wouldn't swap him for anything because he's lived and because of that he's a mine of experience and information, you are too for the same reasons. Lots of people's kids go off the rails a bit in their teens and early 20's, it's not necessarily anything to do with you x

[ummmm]

I don't agree with behaviours being embedded. It can turn you one way or another, or another. Not all children who witness, or on the end of, domestic violence, turn out to be violent.

From what you've said on here...you need to put your foot down though.

[bednobs]

Don't take umbridge please nailit. I am just pointing out your son is a man not a child. Hoping he doesn't take after you when 'in many examples you give us already does is futile

[anneasquith]

Is there a medical reason why he does not work ?

[nailit]

//Is there a medical reason why he does not work ?//
NO, It turned out to be a pactibable one.

[ummmm]

How so?