I Didn't Think I Could Be Any More Surprised....

[Redhelen72]

I realise that this probably won't get any responses, but it may help me feel a bit better.

My MIL has just accused me of theft!
She sent the husbands birthday cheque, and it has never arrived - she went to the bank and got a printout, and this morning rang him to rant down the phone that I have stolen his money! He explained that it never arrived, but she is now saying I have my own bank account and must have cashed it in there.

He says I should not let it upset me - but it does. Anyway, there we go, and I thought this Christ would be better than the last one.

[calmck]

Was the cheque cashed. If so the bank can trace it

[naomi24]

The cheque has been cashed? The bank must know which account it was paid into. Ask them.

[Redhelen72]

As I said she got a print out.
He has told her to go and speak to the bank - but it shows what she thinks of me that this is the automatic conclusion!

[naomi24]

So which account was the cheque paid in to? Not yours obviously.

Nuts to what she thinks of you. You can't let that upset you all your life. No love lost between you so if it comes to it tell her so and let her get on with it.

[ToraToraTora]

Cheque? is she on the electric yet?

[naomi24]

I sometimes use cheques, TTT.

[Gromit]

The money was intended for your husband, so you should report it yourself to the bank and to the police, don’t wait for her to do it.
When the money is found, you can wait for the apology.

[Redhelen72]

TTT she is 85 and not on the internet so yes cheques!
Well he has told that I did not steal the cheque and to go to the bank and sort it out with them!
I am doubly annoyed because I have been trying to sort out her lack of pension.

[ToraToraTora]

What possible reason is there to use a cheque? If someone gives me one, It's like a punishment. Thankfully the last check I saw was years ago. If your MIL wants to give her son some cash, net banking is the best way.

[Redhelen72]

I can't report it to the police - I don't know where the cheque was from as in which bank and as it never arrived with us what would I report?

[Redhelen72]

She lives in England we do not!
She does not have internet and can barely use a phone and we have given up trying to teach her how to use her sky

[naomi24]

TTT, as has been said, not everyone has the internet - older people in particular. I use cheques to pay what I can't pay through internet banking - a quiz I do for example.

[wolf63]

Any help or advice that I could give you would probably be illegal!

She will never see the error of her ways and never be happy. I wish you luck with this. Is she visiting NI for Christmas?

[Redhelen72]

Absolutely not Wolfie - She has not been to NI for 14 years after the first disaster of a visit!!!
We have not spent Christmas with her for at least 8 years!

[naomi24]

Tell her she's being ridiculous and to speak to her bank - or better still get your husband to tell her. They'll know where the money has gone - and once she asks them so will she. Don't worry about it.

[rockyracoon]

I think you’re too polite with that woman.

[Redhelen72]

Rocky - she is his mother so I try to respect that!
I don't truthfully have too much to do with her now - one visit a year and really only because it means I get to see my Stepmum.
Really her behaviour since dad fell in and died has been next level.
We will just wait and see what her bank tells her!

[naomi24]

Doesn't matter who she is. I think once you come to understand that even horrible people belong to someone's family, it's easier to deal with the horrible people in your own family.

[Meaghan27]

The Bank could only provide a printout of the cheque if it was deposited, and it costs £12 to get one. All it shows is the name of the recipient, not the account number its gone into. If you believe your MIL is capable of calling up Customer Services and would agree to pay the £12 fee for a print out, then send her a stamped addressed envelope to enable her to send you the print out to examine yourself. Your husband is correct, try not to let this upset you. Why would it? You are supported by your OH and you don't even like your MIL ( I assume). Does your OH confront his mother?

[Redhelen72]

I made the decision to walk away from my own toxic mother - it is up to my husband to make his decision - I cannot make it for him