Perhaps the rantings of a mad pregnant woman, or perhaps a voice of reason ;-)

[nellypope]

Do you have a pregnant friend? If so, please I implore you, DO NOT offer advice on her labour based on your mate who had a cracked pelvis who's cousin works at the Post Office! DO NOT speculate on the sex of the babe to be based on their cravings for Pineapple and Twiglets! And if the bump in question looks a little wonky please don't mention it, just kindly smile and at all costs avoid telling them about your gran's friend from bingo who's daughter gave birth to triplets after sporting a similarly sized and shaped bump!
Perhaps all women believe that once they have had a child, this automatically qualifies them as a Midwife/Obstetrician/geneticist, I really can't be sure. And should their findings be correct and I do indeed give birth to a boy shaped monkey then I will be the first to approach the Lancet and strongly advise them to publish my mates findings . . . until then I will listen to science only :-)

I thank you for taking the time to read my rant :-) X

[venator]

And don't ever advise her to have anything to do with a doula!

[Bbbananas]

Oh dear nelly, perhaps I shouldn't laugh, but that post was so funny ;-)

I shall refrain from offering any advice or words of wisdom whatsoever. xx

[Hopkirk]

Is there anything else we can help you with though?

Perhaps some advice on choosing a chocolate bar for elevenses?

[nellypope]

MMMmm Choc bar for elevenses! Personally I would pick a bag of salted pretzels dipped in Nutella, however this may be a little fringe for most of you ;-)

[Hopkirk]

That's just plain wierd.

[Lore]

Well, let me tell you about my experiences...... :p

[Bbbananas]

Don't, whatever you do, dangle a darning needle over your bump, attempt to eat coal or have sex in the doggy position on a Thursday ;-)

[Hopkirk]

Pity. It's Thursday today.

[Bbbananas]

Hey - Hops - I'm not pregnant ;-)

[Hopkirk]

(Genuine belly laugh)

[Bbbananas]

:-)
You caught me in a good mood.... x

[Hopkirk]

Now that would give your employers reason for complaint.

[Bbbananas]

(Depends which Doc I suggested having sex with.....)

[WELSHYORKIE]

Nannabananas - Are you sure you want to be telling us this? Could this be another example of misuse of NHS resources? :-p

[merciasounds]

How many months are you, love?

[Bbbananas]

WY - Funny. Not.

Anyway, back to Nelly.....

[Safiya]

omg half the fun of having a pregnant mate is to freak her out with stories of multiple births and ginormous babies and stuff

[Ankou]

you forgot:

don't ever ask a pregnant woman if she has any gingers in her family and go on to discuss the lonely and sad future of a ginger baby growing up in a cruel harsh world.

[daisya]

Nelly you would make a lot of money if you gave birth to what you said, but I expect you won't, it will be just a lovely, ordinary (to others) little baby, doted on and showered with love and understanding from a caring mummy and the rest of the family. It's when they get older you will need the advice, indeed be asking for it I expect as they go out into this big old horrible (often) world we live in. Good luck and I hope it all goes well for you and the little one.

[nellypope]

Many thanks! Unfortunately I am only at week 12! My favourite "Tale of Terror" comes from my Sister in Law who delighted in describing to me (in technicolour) how her large son cracked her pelvis on his entry to the world! My first daughter (Daisy) weighed 10lbs and was born via C-Section so am hoping this won't apply to me. I think it's the mates who suddenly develop psychic abilites overnight who "just have a feeling" it's going to be a boy etc that annoy me the most ;-)